It’s BACK; The Self Improvement Gifts Giveaway 6.
Have I got some exciting news for you today! It’s BACK!
I want to let you know about a Self Improvement site that will allow you to download 100’s of self help gifts, including mine! And yes…it is absolutely FREE!
Yep, you heard me right…for FREE!
All you have to do is go here: http://selfimprovementgifts6.com/go/1203
So, if you have found yourself going round in circles time and time again just trying to improve things in your life, but find yourself getting nowhere fast, then I’m pleased to tell you that it is now easily within your reach to change things during 2012.
HOWEVER, just like anything in life there is a downside here – BUT don’t panic because if you act fast you won’t miss out.
The Self Improvement Gifts Giveaway 6 hosted by Stephanie Mulac, Carolyn Hansen and Dr. Joe Rubino will only be open for a VERY LIMITED TIME… only a few weeks in fact!
So if you are serious about making 2012 the BEST year ever, then you need to jump on board as soon as the event opens on the 5th of January. (HEY,THAT’S TODAY!)
Don’t delay because the doors close for good a few weeks later.
Here’s just a small sample of the 100s of gifts that are available for you to download instantly once the event goes live:
* Affirmations For A Wealthy Mindset Audio – Elaine Lockard
* Rewire Your Brain For Success – Gene Anger
* Self Care For Body & Mind – Mari Lyn Harris
* A Beginners Guide To Running – Paul Klein
* Millionaire Goal Setting Secrets – Amanda Stephen
* Create Your Own Self Improvements Products – Keith Purkiss
* And Much Much More!
If you are ready to start the year off right, which I’m sure you are, and tackle EVERYTHING that is holding you back from moving forward in life, or if you just want to change things because you are looking for a sense of inner peace, then you need to go here RIGHT NOW:
http://selfimprovementgifts6.com/go/1203
You know, this is the 6th Self Improvement Gifts Giveaway event and each year it just gets BIGGER and BETTER!
This REALLY is the largest collection of POWERFUL self help and personal growth gifts you will find on the Internet EVER!
Before you go I just have one question for you…
Now that you know about this potentially life changing giveaway, are you going to make the most of the opportunity, or are you going to sit back and let 2012 be a repeat of 2011?
The choice is yours, but I know what I’m going to do and that is FIGHT BACK and live life the way I want to….Are you with me?
Hope to see you there :)
To your hopes, dreams and possibilities,
Deborah
http://selfimprovementgifts6.com/go/1203
P.S. By the way…Now that you’re ready to life your life YOUR WAY…you still have time to take advantage of the 40% off sale on BOTH of the Mastermind Groups. So this year gather and conspire with your fellow women of a certain age and make life your way happen!
P.S.S. The entire 5 week Adventure Fest Boot Camp Mastermind including all the weekly strategies, helpful tools, suggestions sheets with tons of ideas to pick and choose from and spark your creativity, email support on our private password protected community page that I will administer as well as a group weekly community call that I also administer is less than $18.00 a week! OR the 3 month Mini Mastermind for $15.00 a week!! Take advantage of this Fabulous Sales… Join us…the second half of your life should be fun!
The Dirty Little Secret and a Holiday Gift For You
As a believer in the cup that is half full I don’t often rant but while researching for a new Holiday Project, which I will share with you in a moment I bumped into a couple of articles that discuss a subject that is often treated as the dirty little secret that really isn’t a secret at all.
When Age And Gender Work Against Your Job Search
I discovered this link to the Forbes article by Ellen Weinreb while reading a review of it on Goldivas.com, an internet magazine for women for women over 50. If you care to read it click the link above.
Both the review and the article itself were eloquently written and did a fine job of illuminating the increasing difficulties women over 50 are facing when attempting to find employment. Ms. Weinreb, a professional recruiter who interacts with job seekers every day says “For older women, gender isn’t the only roadblock in the job market today.”
Both articles discuss the cultural bias and mistaken perception that women lose their value as they age. Consider the quote from Carrie Chapman Catt during a speech at the Senate hearing on woman’s suffrage, February 13, 1900:
No written law has ever been more binding than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
However I was encouraged that someone, anyone had taken the time to bring this to the forefront! Bravo to you Ms. Weinreb who further states “I thought I might be onto a trend that has yet to be seriously discussed. I decided to do my own research to validate my observation, and believe that this is a serious issue facing older women.”
I couldn’t agree more. Recently I have been attending a number of women’s groups and I can assure her this is absolutely a trend. On my last excursion I was sitting with six women and four of them were unemployed. Three had been let go in cut backs and one was let go due to the company’s closure.
All four have been actively seeking employment for one to two years. One of them has resorted to doing temp work, two others are trying to start new businesses while continuing to seek employment and one is surviving on dwindling savings.
Yes, in my circle this conversation is all too familiar. The real surprise for me is where is the outrage? When the subject is discussed it is always in a matter of fact way and with a tone of resignation. A sentiment echoed by the women interviewed for the Forbes article. Now I applaud women for not whining but where is the outrage? Where is the energy for a solution?
The Solution?
While I agree with both articles that cultural bias will not change overnight I truly believe there is a lot more we women can do in addition to Ms. Weinreb’s suggestion that we should “persevere and be careful not to talk or act in ways that reinforce the cultural bias.”
The truth is our numbers are great.
Imagine the impact we could make if all women of a certain age made a concentrated effort to support each other’s endeavors and businesses whenever possible.
There are many competent qualified professional women of a certain age who have a great deal to offer if only we could easily access them.
THE HOLIDAY GIFT:
It’s the Holidays and that time of year when shopping is on the agenda. Sooo I thought this might be a good time for me to do my part to:
Support Sage Women’s Enterprises
FREE ADVERTISING FOR THE HOLIDAYS!
Promote your business on my site for free!
I am setting up a Holiday Reference page on my site where women of a certain age who offer a product or service can contribute a small Ad with a link to your site for the holidays. Below is a peek at the page and a sample add
If you are a midlife or boomer woman with a business or service to offer I invite you to take advantage of this opportunity and promote your enterprise for the holidays!
If you know other women of a certain age who could benefit from this be sure to pass this along to them!
To participate in the Women Supporting Women Campaign fill in the registration form below and the easy instructions on how to participate will be delivered to you. (You will also receive a free subscription to my e-zine if you don’t already receive it)
So what are you waiting for…Join Us, support your fellow women of a certain age and let the Holidays Begin!
To your hopes, dreams and possibilities,
Deborah
P.S. Don’t forget to SHARE this article with your fellow women of a certain age! As always, if you have any questions or comments don’t hesitate to contact me deborah@womenintransitiononline.com. I’d love to hear from you.
Life Change –8 ways to discover if you are ready for one
Let's Chat!
There comes a point in life when we begin to feel different; not good different and not necessarily bad different – just different. The hard ‘stuff’ is over and now we are freer and wiser than ever before. It’s that precious time we waited for, worked towards, time for those things we postponed a million times for a million good and not so good reasons; when the kids are through college, the house is paid off , we have more money, finally retire, or we feel more stable; then we’ll have the time for ‘fill in the blank.’
We have all heard the phrases many times; the third act, the last chapter, (I prefer to call it the re-awakening) but chances are we never thought they applied to ‘us’, right? Most of us were so focused on taking care of everyone else and getting there we might not have taken the time to think about or plan it with any sincerity.
When it finally arrives many times we find ourselves uncomfortable and surprisingly confused about what we would like to do and even where we’d like to be. To our dismay all those things we kept in our secret treasure boxes to be pulled out when the time was right no longer seem that appealing through the eyes of a 50 + year old.
So when do you know if that strange persistent niggling desire for ‘something different’ is your signal it’s time for a re-awakening?
Do we wake up one day and realize that our lives are more than half way over and it’s time to make the so called bucket list? Well that’s not how it happened for me but there were some cumulative revelations that I think we all share:
- We no longer feel defined by a job title or where we are on the ‘ladder’. Like it or not and most certainly in today’s financial climate the 50+ worker is looked at differently. (As in you’re still here?) Now we begin to realize just how arbitrary ‘success’ is and with the gift of hindsight we long to fulfill our own version of the good life.
- We begin to hear many of our friends and relatives are experiencing serious health issues and even dying at what we consider to be ‘so young’.
- We notice our children are now adults with children of their own and our advice and help is not needed in the way it once was.
- We realize that our parents seem to have suddenly aged and we have to think about how we will care for THEM!
- We find ourselves coming to terms with the fact that they might not be with us all that much longer or worse, maybe that time has arrived and one or both of them are gone.
- When we reunite with high school friends and pull out the old high school annual to compare the face we remembered with the one we now see. (Our picture is in there too! Yikes)
- When we listen to the news and wonder just when good old common sense left the planet and was replaced by something called “spin”.
- When we begin to hear that small voice in our head that asks “is this all there is?”
So, if any of this sounds familiar and you find yourself wondering why everything is beginning to look and feel different it could be time for a re-awakening. In fact, I say ‘congratulations’ because this is the perfect time to realize…
“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”
–Sophia Loren
I love that quote and it is so true but the real question is Where to Start?
Good question. That’s why I’m hosting a special NO COST Teleseminar/ Discussion entitled:
LUST RUST AND DUST -HOW TO GET A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
During this group call we will explore:
- A thought provoking strategy to discover if we’re sitting too comfy
- The power of environment
- The 3 things everyone needs to be happy
- How to plan your own adventure fest.
- How to get unstuck and started!
- How to make it fun because it’s supposed to be!
Grab a cup of coffee or your favorite drink and join your fellow women of a certain age as we engage in a lively invigorating exchange of ideas and information on the next:
- WHAT: HOW TO GET A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON ‘THE REST OF YOUR LIFE’
- WHEN: October 19th 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. PT
- WHERE: The comfort of your home/office.
- WHY: Because you believe this is a special time and you want to live it special:
- It’s not about money – It’s not difficult to attain;
- It’s about being Ready to Embrace this moment.
We can’t wait to meet you so Register Today for this thought provoking conversation!
YES I WANT PARTICIPATE!
Can’t come? Register anyway and I will send you the recording.
There is a life out there waiting for you -
Let’s chat!! NOW is the perfect time and place.
See you there…
To Your Dreams and Possibilities
Deborah
That’s what I’m talkin about…
“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?”
–Satchel Paige
Retirement? That's what I'm talkin about...
I couldn’t resist. I saw this attractive ‘mature’ couple coming out of a retirement center. They walked out the front door and hopped onto this Way Cool Motorcycle and off they went. I wish I could have taken a better picture but they were movin way too fast. The front of this motorcycle looked like some sort of a vintage car?? Check out those tires and, I think they are called rims. Love it.
Inspiring, isn’t it? So how old do you think you are?
P.S. I’ve been working on something new and fun and I’m really looking forward to sharing it with you! I’ll be ‘unveiling’ it soon but in the mean time…
Have an Amazing Day!!
Life Change – The Big Move Accomplished!
Guess what…some things just don’t change. Just when you think you have everything under control it happens; suddenly you realize there were a number of things you forgot to consider or do and you are out of time. The train has left the station. Boxes, packing paper, decisions about last minute items that result in five more packing boxes, deadlines missed, frayed tempers, a small amount of pouting, moving vans, driving with animals, (a lot of animals), exhaustion, not enough sleep, more frayed tempers, tense moments, some very funny moments and laughter and somehow you finally arrive at your destination and you realize everything you painstakingly packed now needs to be unpacked. Just not fun.
Hmmm, let’s review:
THE UNDER CONTROL PART:
Sell my home and most of my ‘stuff’ keeping just enough for a small one bedroom apartment. Sounds so simple in this sentence but yes, it is done.
Move with my daughter and grandchildren to California where I would help her settle into her new home and life while finding my own. What? Yup, that was the plan and yes, I thought I had it completely under control.
WHAT I FORGOT TO CONSIDER:
I guess I kept thinking about moving myself and forgot about the helping my daughter part. She has A LOT of stuff; a large amount of things, pets, people and different energies swirling around her every minute of every day. The good news is I am very happy about my decision to get rid of most of my ‘stuff’ but now I wish I had gotten rid of it ALL!! Just kidding; even though it has been very tiring I am so glad I am able to be here with them to help and now that some of the dust has settled I am once again realizing that although this is an exciting step it is also a little scary.
Scary or not there is nothing more precious to me than the sound of those two little feet, (my beautiful, wonderful granddaughter) that have taken to scampering down the stairs each morning, the gentle knock at my door followed by the sweet tiny little voice requesting to enter and the feeling I get when she jumps in my bed to snuggle and greet the new day. I can’t imagine missing her first day at soccer and the resulting purchase of pink shoes and shine guards. Way cool. Or my grandson’s first little smile and the look on his face as he first tasted carrots and apples baby food. Did I say taste? This boy is going to be a GOOD eater! But still…
Once again I am in a temporary scenario, which means I am in a bedroom of her house with just enough stuff (a chest of drawers and only the clothes I felt were necessary to survive) and the rest of my belongings are either in her attic or a corner of the garage. But here is the interesting part; I am watching how easily my daughter is able to find connections here in her new city. Granted she is relying on familiar resources and her husband has been working out of here for a couple of years but it is surprising how easy it is for her to find ‘her own kind’. Of course she also feels the stress of finding friends and a routine just as I do and I am not implying that a move when you’re younger is easier than when you are older…I’m just saying.
For me, the reality of all this is becoming clear. There isn’t a stroller strides for women of a certain age and even though I came out here with them I really am alone. The neighborhood choice was based on schools for the kids etc. (as it should be) however I feel like a pregnant woman at night club. Everyone here appears to be 30’s – 40’s with one to two kids. The whole area is very family oriented which is absolutely great and just perfect for her family. I couldn’t be more pleased. Really I am. I’m just saying.
I should not be surprised because our goals were completely different. She was looking to find a better place for her family so that she could continue her life as it is and I was looking for a different place to completely change my life. Now I know what you’re thinking; why don’t I just find that quaint yet trendy, small but artsy place to live and move there? Some of us are family oriented and some of us can be content to see our grandkids and daughters once or twice a year. Since I am and have been alone, meaning no mate to consider, I have the option to stay close. I am grateful for that but it still leaves me with a dilemma…
Is it possible to blend all my wants and desires and create a version of what I thought I wanted? It occurred to me that we all have diverse and sometimes contradictory wants and desires. Blending these and often times just finding out what it is we want at this special time in our lives is not as easy as it might seem. Not to worry I am armed with an excellent plan to discover just that based on advice from none other than Mr. Know it All himself. More on this later but speaking of the devil:
WHERE IN THE WORLD IS DOUG?
I’m afraid I have some really bad news here. I think my virtual relationship with Doug is over! That’s right. It looks like I have been dumped, rejected, rebuffed, dismissed, forgotten, disregarded, dropped, abandoned, cast aside, tossed aside. (Oh No!) I haven’t heard from him since May 30th when he was on his way to a fraternity reunion. Now of course I know that I am partially to blame. Selling the house and the whole move thing did become consuming and although he appeared to be understanding and even supportive I did notice his calls became brief and farther apart than normal.
He had a number of trips planned for the summer however we were supposed to rendezvous for our first live meeting on or around my July birthday. All I got was a very brief phone message wishing me a happy birthday. Missing was the ‘let’s chat soon’ that was customary. The little girl in me said ‘well then, whatever’ but the grown up or at least more mature part of me says, maybe he expected me to call him? Come to think of it he was doing all the calling…
SO NOW I NEED YOUR HELP!
Should I just let it go or be the bigger person and call him to see if it he felt neglected or geez, who knows maybe he found a lost love at the reunion and doesn’t want to tell me? Even if he has we could still be friends and I have to admit I do miss his sunny disposition and hilarious advice. Besides that, we were all set to expand the Coffee with Debi and Doug to include chats about daily events, other topics of interest and some really fun stuff for those of us who are ‘of a certain age.’
You know I keep thinking about the relationship in book he wrote, Wade
I really do want your help. What do you think? Should I make the call and see what on earth he was thinking and WHY? (Men are so strange) or should I just let the little girl in me prevail and never know? Please share your thoughts below!
P.S. Did I mention that moving and unpacking is just not fun? I have some really great pictures to share but it seems I have misplaced my camera charger!!! So look for those as well as the new and very fun plan I spoke of in my next post.
To your dreams and possiblilites~
Life Change – Step Two in Progress!
California here I come!
Time for an update as my personal transformation continues! What next? In a matter of five days I will be in route to ‘my new Life’. As the big day finally approaches everything seems to be occurring in slow motion; the days seem longer and less eventful. The list of ‘MUST DO or DECIDE’ is down to one type written page and I find myself feeling there must be something more I should be doing or that I am forgetting to do. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since the original list was as long as an entire roll of toilet paper! Oddly enough I am uncomfortable with not feeling overwhelmed every day and I have to remind myself that this is the good news. Although this is pretty exciting I must say when Mr. Reese said
“I found that the older I got, as more time passed, the more life itself became overwhelming. I accumulated more stuff, more relationships, more memories, and often more obligations”
he had no idea how very right he was! When A LOT of time has passed it is more difficult to release some of those old but comfortable perspectives, relationships and obligations.
No matter what kind of change or transformation you might be going through there comes a time when the old is gone, the new is unknown and you are in between. Once we have moved through the ‘letting go’ or decision process we find ourselves in the second phase of change; the transitional time – the time between letting go of the old and fully embracing and adapting to the new. It is during this time it is common to feel a little lost, unsure about what to do and what is expected of you. This is unfamiliar territory and nothing feels the same.
Now that I have sold my home, almost all of my belongings and am ready for the big move I am surprised to feel moments of uncertainty and emptiness. (NOW? REALLY?) As a life coach I know that the transitional time of change is an opportunity to evaluate any previous decisions you might have made. I also know that when the change you are going through is a big one, it is easy to get bogged down in the forest and forget about the trees! With that in mind I decided to take a moment to explore these feelings and sort out what has been accomplished.
I started with a list of what I had done focusing on those things that were foreign to me and those I felt I could not control. I then narrowed it down to the 4 items I felt bothered me the most. Very clarifying! With that in hand I went a step further and took one of my favorite coaching tools designed for anyone going through a transition:
What Do I Need To Let Go Of?
- The things we hold onto, bear grudges or perhaps feel angry and hurt about cloud our mind and prevent us from being the best we can be.
- Letting go usually involves some form of forgiveness or acceptance – whether it’s you, someone else, a situation or even an unknown third party. The irony is that whatever you’re holding onto, it’s probably hurting or bothering you much more than it does anyone else.
- Letting go doesn’t mean we condone a situation or behavior; it’s about lightening OUR load. Because when we let go of whatever is bothering us we set ourselves free and get to reclaim that energy for ourselves.
- You don’t need to know HOW to let go, you just need to be WILLING. You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it and change how you feel going forwards.
- And remember – whatever you find it hardest to let go of is probably what you need to let go of the most…
INSTRUCTIONS: While you may not wish to do anything about these right now, just listing what you need to let go of here will raise your level of awareness and you’ll naturally begin to loosen your grip. So, simply list below what you’re holding onto, what slows you down, what riles you up and anything that gets in the way of you being the best you can be…
What do I need to let go of? How I benefit by ‘holding on’ *
- 1. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 2. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 3. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 4. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 5. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 6. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 7. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 8. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 9. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 10. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
Just for a second, imagine letting go of everything on this list. How does it feel? ………………………………
What have I learned about myself from doing this exercise? ………………………………………………………
* If you’re struggling with identifying a benefit (there must be something or you wouldn’t be holding on to it) ask yourself, “What do I gain by keeping hold of this?” Perhaps by holding on to resentments, anger, hurt you don’t need to accept your part in the situation, or perhaps it stops you from feeling how hurt you really were, maybe you get to stay in ‘the right’ or avoid dealing with someone.
TIP: If you need to let go of something YOU’VE done, simply ask, “What do I need to do that will allow me to let this go?” Perhaps you need to make notes in your journal of what you’ve learned, perhaps you need to make some kind of amends, apologize or find a meaningful way to make it up to yourself or someone else. While we can’t change the past, we can make amends and learn from it.
What are my most recent lessons?
- Some of the items on my list I will not be able to completely release but I know they will evolve into something new and different; and that’s okay.
- I want to let go of the feeling I must solve everyone in the families problems. I will always want to help but I do not need to feel like a failure if I choose not to help or I am unable to fix their issue.
- This sounds so silly but I want to come to terms with not OWNING a home! I honestly don’t want the responsibility but it feels and sounds so strange when I say it out loud!
Remember, old habits are hard to unlearn. It’s hard on our human nature to let go of what’s familiar, even when the old might not serve us very well. You might be tempted to rush into the first relationship that comes your way, take a job or start a business that is completely unsuited for you. Whatever change you are going through the transition time is the time for you to sort out the past without recreating the past.
You are capable of so much more than you know!
What’s next? The Big Move!
Transitions and Sage advice from one far younger than I
Almost all of us are go through transitions or experience changes of one kind or another throughout our lives. Life will change whether we plan it or not and no matter if it is major or minor there is one thing that all changes have in common; there are days when we cannot seem to see the daylight at the end of the tunnel. Recently it was just such a day for me when I received an email from an amazing guy about his even more amazing adventure!
A LITTLE BACKGROUND ON JOHN
John Reese is a well known young marketing genius and an expert in internet traffic generation. After years of struggling to become a success and a large amount of accumulated debt he made quite an impact on the internet marketing community when he made over a million dollars in a single day! I know…it got my attention too and I had been a subscriber to his list for quite some time until last summer when he announced that he had made a drastic decision:
JOHN’S MINIMALIST ADVENTURE
He abruptly announced he had decided to get rid of all his ‘stuff’ with the exception of his laptop and a few days worth of clothes and travel indefinitely. Now that’s a TRANSITION! The email also spoke of how he had been reading about minimalism and how eliminating all distractions and ‘things’ could really free up your mind and unlock creativity to its maximum potential.
And I said…Wow!
Now I don’t know Mr. Reese personally but I have admired his work and certainly appreciated his story of how he struggled for a long time to make a success online. Through tenacity and never allowing discouragement to damper his quest he ultimately achieved his dream. When I received his email last summer I was very intrigued because although I was not contemplating anything quite so drastic I also had been reading and thinking a lot about what I now call my ‘fresh start transformation.’ As the months passed I forgot about John’s email so imagine how pleasantly surprised I was to receive another email with a long awaited update; given the fact Mr. Reese is not yet ‘of a certain age’ I was even further surprised at some of the thoughts he shared about his “minimalism” experiment.
HIS PLAN
In summary his plan was to travel the world and run his business from his laptop for at least a year but that did not happen. (Not all bad, life and our goals are usually a work in progress) After 3 months he grew tired, lonely and a little road weary so he adjusted his plan, returned to the USA and rented a ‘home base’ to allow a more leisurely pace for his continued minimalist adventure. He shared a lot about what he had learned about himself and life so far but what follows are a few excerpts from the email that struck a chord in me despite the difference in our age and path.
“Ultimately, I have learned a lot about myself, about being an entrepreneur, and about tapping into my own creativity from this experiment. Let me share some of those insights…
AS LIFE GOES ON, OVERWHELM INCREASES
I found that the older I got, as more time passed, the more life itself became overwhelming. I accumulated more stuff, more relationships, more memories, and often more obligations.”
He spoke of how we tend to be mental and actual pack rats; almost unconsciously accumulating and collecting. As he says;
“If the brain is like a computer, it only has so much RAM capacity. The more memories we accumulate and the more things we surround ourselves with that have to be managed, the less RAM is free to use for thinking. Sad but true. No wonder most people are going through life completely stressed out. There’s just TOO MUCH CRAP GOING ON in your life to give you a chance to relax your mind.
I, obviously, went to extremes with my Minimalism Challenge to myself. But I wanted to (and probably needed to) so I could really feel the difference and see what that was. And let me tell you, it’s AMAZING.
Do you know why so many of us think of CHILDHOOD as the best time in our lives? It’s because that’s the time when we had very little to WORRY about or STRESS over. We used our minds creatively and were only focused on a very small number of things:
- - What can I do to entertain myself today?
- - I wonder if he/she likes me.
- - I’m really enjoying learning this new stuff in my class.
- - I don’t feel like doing this homework.
- - Gee, I’m hungry, what’s to eat?
Okay, that was obviously over-simplified, but the point is, back then we had very little to truly stress about (at least most of the time) and our minds weren’t CLOGGED managing all sorts of material stuff we owned or worried about tons of obligations we had to manage.
Yet as adults we can have just as much fun as we had when we were kids. In fact, we can participate in certain activities (if we choose to) that we couldn’t as kids. So it’s definitely not about that that makes the difference.
More than anything it’s about TIME and having the freedom to enjoy ourselves more — and that comes down to many things like how we produce our incomes to live off of but also how we manage the rest of our time as well.
Of course, making more money will provide more freedom for you, but I truly believe you can gain a lot more freedom by FREEING UP YOUR LIFE from a lot of unnecessary things, and that’s one key point of this email.”
John shared how he felt his experiment had positively affected his outlook on business but at this point in my life I was more interested in his thoughts on how this experiment had changed his feelings on life. Interestingly the two seemed surprisingly intertwined which he summed up this way:
“YOUR SUCCESS (AND HAPPINESS) LIES WITHIN REDUCING YOUR LIFE, NOT ADDING TO IT”
“In summary, the key point I want to get across is that LESS IS MORE. Yes, that seems like an overused statement but it’s true.
If you minimize your life, you will maximize your Freedom Of Thought (as I like to call it), which will reduce your stress, and allow you to focus only on the most important things in your life – whether that’s your family, your business, or any other interest you have.
YOU are the architect of your life. If you want to ADD more of one area of your life then it’s 99.9% certain that you must TAKE AWAY from somewhere else. You must REDUCE something else in order to add more of what you want more of. It’s a simple and true equation.
Time is limited and so is our Mental Capacity. You have to learn to manage BOTH.
I challenge you to take some time to really write out where you spend all of your time, the things in your life that stress you out and overwhelm you, what consumes much of your thoughts, and see if you can’t REDUCE things from here and there or find ways to manage them better.
If you want MORE of anything in your life, it all starts with LESS of the other stuff.”
Sage advice from one so young! Having just reduced a lifetime of physical belongings by about 90% I could certainly relate to this. As it turns out that was the easy part but while considering the mental ‘stuff’ it occurred to me this is proving to be a bit harder to reduce. Family, pets, habits and patterns of thought, fear of the unknown and well meaning advice from those who do and do not care about you can be very difficult to sort out when you are making any kind of change in your life let alone a major one.
This very well may relate to being an entrepreneur but I think John may have discovered an even more valuable pearl of wisdom about life! I hope you find this as thought provoking as I have. Thanks John, I hope you don’t mind my sharing your valuable food for thought.
So how are you managing your time? Click this link, take this thought provoking quiz and find out! Were you as surprised as I was? I’d love to hear…
Life Change – I Survived Step One!
As many of you know I recently embarked on my own personal transformation journey and now I have accomplished what I consider to be the first major step in the process. My ‘Fresh Start’ can now begin… I’m Homeless! I FINALLY SOLD MY HOUSE!!! Actually it was in escrow twice, fell out once and after an incredibly nerve racking experience it is sold. As if that was not enough, my daughter delivered my beautiful healthy grandson in the middle of all this about 4 weeks early. As for the purging, (AKA giant, tiring garage sales and NUMEROUS trips to Good Will) actually I think I did a pretty good job. Now that the dust has settled I can see there is still more that can be ditched but overall what is left will definitely fit nicely in a small one bedroom apartment when the time is right. And yes, I did survive but there were many surprises, even more lessons and there were moments…oh there were moments.
Life Change and Transformation
It’s not as though I didn’t know that it was more difficult to sell a home these days. You’d have to live in a cave to not have heard about the short sales, foreclosures; the difficulties people are having qualifying for loans and declining equity in homes all over the US but…let’s just say this is not your mother’s real estate market. In fact it was worse than I ever dreamed and very stressful. As a result, my little miss sunshine reputation suffered in the process and there were moments when I ‘behaved badly.’
Now however tempting it might be it is not my intention to write an exposé on the current real estate market. I share this with you because no matter what transformation you may be going through or goal you might be working on there will come a point when you realize you are on the brink of something great and you will experience obstacles or setbacks. When they arrive without warning it is inevitable that the obstacles will seem bigger than ever. It is especially during these times that you must stay on track. When you successfully move through your challenges, it increases your confidence, makes you stronger, and moves you one step closer to your goals!
What got me through?
Well of course I repeatedly returned to the exercise I shared with you in one of my previous e-zines. If you missed it below is a recap:
1. What it is that you want? Take the time to write and get very clear in your mind what your ‘ideal’ looks like.
2. Answer these identifying questions:
- What have you done so far? What worked best and what didn’t?
- What skills and resources do you have that could move you forward?
- What research could you do to help you find the next step?
- What do you need to do before you do anything else?
- Who else could you ask for help in achieving your goal?
3. Taking action: Looking at the list you have just made answer these questions:
- What would the smallest and easiest step be for you?
- How can you make the task/action more enjoyable or fun?
- What action could you take in the next 10 minutes?
- What 3 actions could you take that make sense this week?
- Who else could help you in completing your actions?
4. Be committed, determined and don’t give up.
- Refocus on and re-read what it is that you want.
- Take a moment to realize the current challenge you are facing and how you feel about it.
- Ask yourself how willing you are to move through this challenge and is the reward worth it.
- Take a moment to remember another time when you felt this way and how you felt when you overcame it.
The Surprises
I listed my house in November, sold almost all of my possessions and closed escrow mid February. Pretty fast in today’s market but I can tell you it felt like a year! For me this experience felt like the downhill side of a roller coaster ride; definitely no turning back, excessive speed that made me feel I had little time to ponder decisions or procrastinate and plenty of jerking turns, just as it looked like I was about to catapult off the track. There were many times the moment of success looked to be right around the corner and one of those ‘obstacles’ would occur. That’s the wearing part; the highs and lows but what I found to be the most uncomfortable part was the never ending ever increasing number of decisions that simply had to be made.
The first surprise…once I finally made the decision, overcame my fear, stepped off the high dive board and began my decent into the waiting water I became so focused on getting there, the fear and the reality of my overall ‘fresh start’ goal disappeared. My focus became Step One; selling the house and getting rid of a ton of stuff.
The second surprise was the realization of just how settled into my comfort level, habit, rut; call it whatever you want, I had become. Interestingly I would not have thought this. We all have routines; when we wake, the ritual of making coffee, the yard, pool and duties we should do that become the white noise of our lives. When everything familiar is either packed away in a box to be opened at some undecided date in the future or is possibly gone it hit me. It was then when I realized just how much of my life was ‘habit’. It might not be exactly what I had envisioned but my life is definitely different now and a good part of my routine as I knew it simply doesn’t exist. The good news; also gone are a large portion of my bills. Woo hoo!
The third and perhaps biggest surprise for me was how all this has made me feel. Yes I experienced all the expected emotions; exhilaration, excitement, frustration, disappointment, at times I was discouraged and then encouraged, teary, irritable, giddy and any other emotion you can possibly think of. But when it was all said and done I certainly did not expect the final emotions. I had envisioned and anticipated the champagne popping over the top celebration similar to the New Years Eve celebrations you see on TV. However that is not how I felt at all. I was relieved, truly spent and very pleased with the results but it I simply felt a slow realization that ‘step one’ was done. Now after a month of recuperation I find I am thinking ‘what now?’
To be continued…
Change, Commitment and Memories
If you subscribe to my e-zine you have read the article I wrote about my commitment to alter my lifestyle. After hearing and reading about people who sold and got rid of all or at least most of their belongings to facilitate a freer lifestyle and create a new life, I have made the decision to do just that. California here I come!
Common area at one of the apartments I visited!
The thought of it is so exciting and indeed I am feeling very alive but the process has also brought a lot of personal insight that I did not expect. Of course change is inevitable and happens whether we want it to or not but I find this voluntary ‘purging’ has brought with it an avalanche of decisions, unexpected insights and a flood of options. Yes options! That’s the good news.
I am in the very first steps of the process which is code for ‘sell the house’ in an interesting market and of course get rid of a lifetime of stuff. In my fantasy I would simply call the painters, landscapers etc., they would descend on my house like in the home makeover reality shows and in a week there would be a ‘I’m gorgeous inside’ for sale sign in my front yard. The reality is I have just taken on three or four full time jobs! You see, in all those accounts of the New Life Change I read about, everything in between the decision and the happy outcome was not actually fully covered!
Yup, this purge thing brings new meaning to the self discovery process. Revelation One; as women of a certain age somewhere along the way we become the keepers of the family STUFF! These are things no one in the family wants to store; they are too precious for them to toss so the matriarch’s duty is to keep them for posterity. (no one ever sees them again for 30-40+ years) For instance, I find myself wondering how I wound up with the reel to reel 50’s movies of what I assume is my entire childhood; there is an additional 2-3 big boxes of photos of my daughter’s childhood, my first and second weddings and who knows what else! I honestly don’t even know if they are still good and I certainly don’t have the equipment, or time, to play the old movies … so what do you do with them? Just for fun, ask any of the members of the family if they want them and be sure to cover your ears and be prepared for the guilt trip if you divulge the imminent destiny for them…”you’re going to throw them away?” I must say it’s like a knife in the heart. Now multiply this by 1000 and be prepared for the softly spoken comment “I gave you that when I was 5 years old” as you go through the other lifetime of accumulated stuff! Long story short, just know there are moments when this is hard. I know, I know… I have already placed a ‘schedule a family photo box party’ somewhere on the ever growing list of to do’s and plan to write ‘come or forever hold your piece’ on the invite!
But for now I am practicing my own advice in Success Tip #7 which I will post here for those of you who do not subscribe to my e-zine. Even if you are not purging everything you own you will find it helpful, as I have, during any change you may be experiencing.
WEEKLY SUCCESS TIP #7
“The minute you alter your perception of yourself and your future, both you and your future begin to change.”
– Marilee Zdenek
During a transition focus on positive emotions!
During the course of our lives we all experience change. Sometimes these changes are planned and many times they are not. Regardless of the reason when you are in a period of transition here are 3 important tips from the conquering change audio series to remember:
- Change can cause us to question our long held beliefs and values which is a good thing because it keeps us growing and in touch with our evolving selves!
- Moving through change can be uncomfortable and feel awkward but it is the only way to move forward. Understanding these feelings are normal can help to keep you from retreating back into the status quo!
- Refusing to change does not mean that the world won’t change around you. Refusing to change means you’ll be left behind.
One of the most important things you can do when you are in the process of a change is to focus on your positive emotions and to “alter your perception of yourself and your future.” Here is an exercise that will enhance your ability to see yourself and future differently.
1) Imagine your new self at your very best. Imagination will help you set the stage for visualizing yourself in the future. Here’s a fun way to look at this. If you were in a cocoon, what kind of butterfly would emerge?
- When you imagine yourself at your best, what do you see?
- Do you see yourself healthy?
- Do you see yourself successful in the work you do?
- Do you see yourself having happy, nurturing relationships?
- When you imagine your best self, what are you doing?
- Are you learning something new?
- Are you on a new adventure – one that you’ve always longed for?
- Are you enjoying your family and close friends?
Even if you are not in the middle of a major change this exercise will keep you fresh and alert for possibilities. Change happens whether we like it or not. Life gives us opportunities every day and embrace change, to bounce back and to grow!
JUST TO ADD A COUPLE OF ITEMS OF ADVICE TO THIS:
Be sure to eat properly during this process. (Particularly the green stuff in the Fridge that you normally use for science research)
Get plenty of rest and be easy on yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day and sometimes tomorrow is soon enough.
Realize there will be moments when you are overly tired and sensitive!
THIS BRINGS ME TO:
HOW TO TALK TO A MAN OVER 50!
Be sure to check back tomorrow for the recorded Coffee with Debi and Doug discussion. You won’t want to miss this one. Doug finally does it… he trips right over a giant land mine and he doesn’t even know he did it!! This is a classic representation of the glaring difference in how men and women communicate and the problems it can cause…
Our first disagreement…
Until tomorrow!
Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
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