Women In Transition Online

Change…difficult or at least a little scary at any age but for the midlife woman this time in our lives can be very unsettling. The truth is by the time we reach this part of our lives we have become so accustomed to living for other people’s benefit that it can be downright disquieting when many of those obligations disappear. Suddenly we realize a large part of who we thought we were is gone.

Loss of Identity

Children grow, jobs end or change and we even look different than we used to.  Suddenly much of what we counted on and accepted as our identity is either leaving, gone or altered. Many of us never really stopped long enough to plan or consider what we might do or feel during this time; and really, how could we know? It all seemed so distant and we were so busy with our roles in life. 

Lack of Confidence

 In many cases this leads us to mistakenly focus on the feeling we have lost some (or a lot) of our value. We are no longer the mother who advises our children; they now have their own children they are advising! Maybe we no longer hold the same powerful position in the workplace and we may miss that feeling of power and acceptance we once felt from this.   

And because we have spent so much time in the “roles” we played it is likely that we have not given much thought or spent time actively exploring alternative lifestyles. The need for crafting a new identity at a time when we are unclear and unsure about losing what was previously so important to us can make that task hard to do. Our confidence can be lacking at a time we need it most.

Isolation

The third big struggle is isolation. Maybe you still work or maybe you don’t but most of the women I know do not have the opportunity to mingle with women of their age to the degree they did when they were younger.  We are a diverse group these days and consequently we are scattered. Some of us still work, some still have children at home and  but most of the women I know and work with find their supporting circles of camaraderie diminishing at this time as well. Even the scenery at work might be changing. It is not uncommon to find we women of a certain age are in the minority.  If you are married you still have a companion to go home to but if you are single the desire to simply go home and leave it at an occasional movie or dinner with the same group of friends may be the extent of finding examples of someone like you. It’s just easier.

You have come to a point in your life where you have more time – less or at least different responsibilities, and yet it can be hard to let go of the roles we are familiar with; the nurturer, the fixer, the nurse, moral supporter, adviser and so on.  This transition period can be tricky, habits and ingrained ways of seeing ourselves over the years can be difficult to change.

The idea of rocking on our front porch is not the only possibility; far from it. These are very different times for women today and we have the opportunity to create exciting different lives doing the things we are most passionate about. In order to successfully move through this change we need to be aware of what’s going on in our physical lives but more importantly what’s going on with our internal feelings about our lives.

Here are 3 tips to help you set out on the right foot on this very special journey to make the last half of your life an adventure and not a sentence.

1.     Access where you are right now. You have likely been running at full tilt for years without the opportunity to slow down and consider what is working in your life and what is not. This is a wonderful time to take a look at all the areas of your life and how happy you are with each of them.  It doesn’t have to be a novel but it is important to begin to look inward. Spend some quality quiet solo time with yourself on a regular basis. What was important to you in the past might not be what you value today.

2.     Attitude Matters! I can’t begin to tell you how important your opinion of yourself and the way you look at life is in this process. Start listening to what your inner voice is saying. Start your day with positive and encouraging thoughts. Learn to cherish your unique strengths and be honest and realistic about you’re perceived faults. Everyone has things they would like to change about themselves. I do not know any perfect people! Focusing on your perceived faults makes them appear bigger than they really are and diminishes the value of your strengths! (This would also be a great time for the New 3 Step System to Revitalize your life goals and relationships!)

3.     If you want change in your life and to be different you have to act differently! Now is the time for gentle experimentation. You have to dream and plan. Over the years you have built up some very strong patterns of behavior and most of these you do without a second thought! Take a class at the community college, change your hairstyle, join a club, volunteer or find a new hobby. Now is the time to step out of the box and try something new and different.     

Change is not new. Life and circumstances do not stay the same. I believe in order to find your joy for the second half of your life you must reclaim and embrace who you are, realize and appreciate your personal power and influence and begin to consciously live fully, passionately and in the moment. Recreating your life is a choice. Are you ready for change?