Attitude Adjustment; a very personal success story, Part II
Now for Part II: The end of the story and the important lessons I learned about the value of a positive attitude and balance. (If you missed Part I, simply scroll down and read Prt I!)
I immediately called my daughter back to convey the surprising news that was so bluntly delivered. I am definitely in need of some assurance that I’m not crazy and thinking some input with a more modern perspective on the episode would help. I get that in his eyes, if the story is even true, he was the injured one but I must say I was a little surprised at the apparent lack of a sincere apology or any concern for my feelings. I’m truly bewildered. I know it’s been a long time since I have indulged in this dating thing but I’m leaning toward, as my two and a half year old granddaughter would say, that’s not nice.
Of course my daughter comes through like a champ. Although there is no talk of “off with his head” she is as surprised as I and delivers the loving concern needed. I assure her that although I am disappointed I am not 18 and on a scale of 1-10 of upsetting events experienced and survived in my life this is about a 2. Well, ok maybe a 3. I decline her offer to fix me dinner, assure her I am perfectly OK and will settle in with one of the two new books I received earlier than expected on this day as well. Synchronicity at work?
Now… for the lesson part:
Since I am the author and actively participating in my own Attitude Adjustment Course I headed for the couch to let all this sink in and sort through my feelings. It seemed quite interesting to me that I would be testing Habit #3 of my e-course in a big way. For those of you who have yet to sign up for the course, Habit # 3 is:
Finding Positive Aspects in Unexpected Occurrences.
Now I did promise not to be sarcastic but I have to tell you I found the following sentences from the program just a little bit funny, given the nature of the unexpected occurrence:
We all experience interruptions to our plans many times throughout the day. Allowing these disturbances to stay in our heads has a dramatic effect on our attitude and can definitely create a negative spiral to our mood.
However, I did write the program and do believe in its effectiveness so I forged ahead to one of the included exercises that I thought would be appropriate for this incident:
Exercise 1: Whenever something unplanned or upsetting occurs during your day immediately think of 3 positive aspects about the situation and say them out loud to yourself. Then delete the negative occurrence from your thoughts and focus on your 3 positive aspects.
You know, as simple as this exercise sounds it did prove to be very effective for me and once I got started I found a number of what I thought were positive aspects which, more importantly, led to some powerful insights about me.
First, he was right on the money with his observation that now my house was clean and I had done a much more thorough job than I ordinarily do. A clean house feels good and if you are going to have an unpleasant experience it is easier to take in a clean house!
This incident had managed to motivate me to remove the lingering clutter from my kitchen countertop and in the process of furniture arrangement I had come up with a much more pleasant ambiance for myself. Without the expected arrival of this special guest I would not have taken the time for furniture experimentation. I now realize I should consider doing these things for me and how my environment affects how I feel about myself.
As I pondered these three positive statements I began to think about how I had felt during the day prior to the unfortunate turn of events. It occurred to me that I had actually taken, what for me, was a risk and while taking the risk I had allowed myself to thoroughly enjoy the experience. I had unwittingly discovered how enjoyable and invigorating it was to completely mentally unplug from work and that I could do this and the world would continued to turn! And somehow I had managed to revive the feeling that male companionship, even though this was the wrong male, can be a stimulating healthy part of a balanced life. You know in the coach world these are really big shifts.
I won’t bore you with the other positive musings this led me to but I think it would suffice to say once I started thinking positively about this experience those thoughts began to expand. Today I am feeling really excited and good about what I took away from this experience.
Negative thoughts and attitudes are more destructive than we think. They affect our self esteem, confidence and what we accomplish. It would have been easy for me to feel like a victim and sorry for myself. Had I indulged in this kind of behavior I would not have discovered the hidden gifts in this incident that now provide me with the opportunity for further growth and happiness.
The uncomplicated truth is we have a choice of how we look at life and that choice is the simple deciding factor that makes one person positive and happy and the other negative and pessimistic.
They say it takes 21 days to create a HABIT. Sign up for the 21 Day Attitude Adjustment Course and at the end of 3 weeks you could be in THE HABIT OF THINKING POSITIVELY!
Something wonderful occurs when one thinks positively
You begin to see POSSIBILITIES EVERYWHERE!
Attitude Adjustment; a very personal success story, Part I
I struggled with whether or not to share this story. It is kind of personal and it is not my intention to expose someone else’s secrets but it seems to be so appropriate to just what a positive attitude can do for you along with the benefits of a balanced life that I decided to share it. I will not use names to protect the innocent!
If you follow my blog or know me personally, it is no secret that I am a recovering workaholic. Now that I do not have the traditional 9 am to 8:00 pm schedule I used to put myself through I am recovering but still experience difficulties in letting work go and allowing unbridled pleasure in my life without the background noise of work in my head. One of my remaining symptoms is the lack of male companionship in my life. It has been a long time since I have “dated” (let’s just say years). It has been so long I don’t recall how this “habit” started. It wasn’t any particular event but the general excuse was… I don’t have time followed with the classic when I get” fill in the blank” accomplished I‘ll make the time and effort to find that certain perfect someone.
CAN WE TALK?
With that said let’s fast forward. There is a restaurant that I and my family frequent and one I occasionally visit alone. There is a certain person I have chatted with a few times and I admit, the thought he might be someone nice to date had entered my mind but circumstances were never quite right to make this happen. Recently, and just days before the moon was big round and full of all things, the occasion seemed to magically evolve in the most comfortable and natural of ways. After bumping into him, sharing cocktails, dinner and a long conversation the traditional exchange of contact information occurred and a nightly conversation commenced. One thing led to another and our “first date” was planned for Wednesday.
I am sure he had no idea what a divergence from my character this was and is completely unaware of what this triggered. On the morning of the “big date” another monumental shift in my attitude occurred. I lingered in bed and decided that I deserved a break and was going to thoroughly enjoy this experience. I gave myself permission to completely mentally unplug from work and the computer for the entire day. I decided to mow the front lawn, clean my house which led to some overdo clutter removal and even some experimentation with furniture arrangement. Once satisfied and even inspired I moved on to what I could remember about date prep. Let’s see, there was hair color touch up, a pedicure, and attire experimentation and decision. Then much more time than usual on makeup and a trip to the store to pick up the beer I noticed he drank and something appropriate for a light snack in the event we didn’t rush right out to dinner. Oddly the day was extremely pleasant even energizing and when all was complete I had an hour and a half to relax and leisurely dress for his arrival! I am really feeling good now and the best part was I honestly had not even thought about checking email or work. This is big!
OK ladies, it is perfectly fine to start chuckling here.
At this point I’m thinking this is pretty nice and maybe I have been a little hard on myself and perhaps male companionship is stimulating and a healthy thing. Balance, cloud walking… yup there might be something to this after all; this is definitely good stuff. I am beginning to feel like the guy in the old movie “Caddy Shack” who plays the golf game of his life in thunder, lightening and rain.
Its 5:38 and I’m sitting outside indulging in a glass of wine reporting my success to my daughter on the home phone when I hear my cell phone ringing. I jump up to catch it thinking he might have an update on his ETA and here’s what he said:
“Hi, you know I have just had a dreadful day. I have been wrestling with some legal document issue, searching for papers all day and I have a headache and just feel awful. I am in a terrible mood and I know I wouldn’t be any fun tonight. To make matters worse I have a big and early meeting in the morning so I hope you understand but I think I better just stay in tonight. It would probably be better if we did this on a Friday or Saturday night…………………………………………..”
Ok, now you can start full blown laughter!
I think, in a word, I felt stunned. I suddenly had this mental picture of myself dreamily and pleasantly sleep walking toward the edge of a cliff and someone, blessedly I guess, throws a bucket of ice water in my face and abruptly I wake up. I honestly had to take a moment to process this before I could speak.
More laughter allowed here.
Did I mention during those build up to the “first date” phone conversations there was a lot talk about how excited he was to see me again and how this would be our “first date” and how much he was looking forward to it and on and on and on? Geez, I may as well have been hypnotized.
After whining this sad story out almost as an afterthought he asks, how was your day? I didn’t quite know what to say but I think I mumbled something about how I had taken the day off to catch up on some overdo maintenance items here at the house. The next part of this is a bit of a blur but I think he commented on how good that was because now I had it all done and I, not we, could relax on the weekend and I honestly don’t remember what the parting salutation was. At this point, not all that important, right?
Now… for the end of the story and the important lesson I learned about the value of a positive attitude and balance please tune back in tomorrow for Part II. Honestly, I’m not going to be sarcastic and there really is a positive lesson here; just read the rest of the story tomorrow and you’ll see.
In the mean time, I would LOVE to hear your comments on this event. If you receive this via email just click this link:
http://www.womenintransitiononline.com/blog/
Welcome to You’re Beautiful, edition #3
Inspiring stories of fellow beautiful women of a certain age.
It is my great pleasure to introduce you to Mrs. Kim Blakey.
Her Pearl of Wisdom
“No matter how hard life gets there is so much to learn from all of it;
Just look ahead and face the new beginnings.”
Kim Blakey
What do you do for work? I am a Service Rep for a Collateral Protection Insurance Company for 29 years! I have been based out of Fort Worth, Texas but have worked in El Paso. I love my job and I love the people I work for.
What have you accomplished in life that you feel proud of? I have accomplished a very happy marriage for 25 years and have two absolutely wonderful, beautiful daughters that I just adore. I am proud to have been able to maintain a full time career while raising my children in a happy stable home :)
What is important to you now? What is important to me now is maintaining good health and happiness.
Do you have any hobbies or passions? I guess my hobbies are seasonal. Right now I enjoy working in my yard and gardens.
What do you do for fun? My husband is a musician and I love to go with him and listen to him play guitar and sing :)
What is your favorite book? The Bible.
What is your favorite movie? Gone with the Wind!
What is your favorite food? Mexican Food (green chicken enchiladas with an egg over easy, refried beans, guacamole and of course the yummy margaritas)
What do you do when you really want to pamper yourself? Go get a massage, maybe get in touch with old friends and go back in time at some really neat resort and have manicures, pedicures, massages, good old laugh sessions and of course the wine.
Tell us about your life To answer this question I will begin with a little about my life as a child and bring you up to my current ripe old age of 52!! (But I like to reverse this, which would make me only 25 and I like the sound of that better :). I don’t want to be negative but I do want to be truly honest about my life. I don’t believe it was negative all the time I just believe some of us are dealt a harder life than others.
I was raised in an alcoholic home. There was love in the home but it was not unconditional; or what I feel unconditional love in a family should be. There were four daughters, my mother and my father. When I was just 15 years old my father committed suicide and left us all to take care of ourselves. We didn’t know it then but we had been taking care of ourselves the whole time.
As time went on my older sister committed suicide at the age of 32. I believe in my heart that the devastating loss of two family members to suicide due to alcohol, drug abuse and a dysfunctional upbringing would be enough to bring any person down. I am proud to say I chose the complete opposite.
I knew it was going to be a challenge but I wanted to find a loving husband and to raise a family in the most “normal” household setting possible. What motivated me to accomplish this was my love of God. No matter how hard life gets there is so much to learn from all of it!! I have truly been blessed with the love of my life and our two absolutely precious daughters.
Now I am facing more changes. I think they call it the “empty nest” syndrome! It is hard but I know there is a new horizon. I will just look ahead and face the new beginnings.
I would like to thank Kim for sharing her story with us. As I read this and the stories that will follow in this monthly edition I realize that we women of a certain age are indeed diverse, strong, growing, fabulous and creative and we all share a unique and valuable resource.
- I hope you find these stories inspiring . Now we want to hear about you. Click on the You’re Beautiful Submission link above; share your story and tells us how you are reinventing your life!
Welcome to “You’re Beautiful”, Edition #2
Inspiring stories of fellow beautiful women of a certain age
It is my great pleasure to introduce you to Mrs. Christine Sherriff.
Her Pearl of Wisdom:
Now, at almost 61 years of age, I have found there are many chapters in one’s life and each chapter opens another. Dreams are achievable…never impossible if one puts their mind to it.
The Many Chapters of My Life:
As a child, I was extremely introverted and shy, which possibly added to my introspective nature. I grew up with two sisters; one was a twin. My family life was about as Ozzie and Harriet as a family could get. I married my sweetheart within two weeks after turning 20 years old and then motherhood came within a year which completely changed my focus and priorities on life. I also found myself not only being a homemaker and mother; I also worked in the medical field for nearly 20 years. As time progressed, I changed my vocation just before I turned 40 years old and became a Housing Rehabilitation Specialist assisting low income homeowners renovate their homes under a city funding through a HUD Grant program. I stayed in government work for almost 10 years.
During my last couple of years heading the Housing Rehabilitation program I became immersed in the Mind, Body and Soul aspect of Life and Health. I followed my dream and went to school to become a Massage Therapist. Now at the age of 50 I was developing an interest in “Healing Touch” using Energy Work as my primary therapy. I found I had a gift with intuitive healings, along with working with Tarot cards. I realized there is more to intuition then I ever imagined! I also became interested in writing poetry; which has helped me to recognize my inner feelings and have given me more of an insight and an appreciation for my many blessings.
During the time I was enjoying a new vocation I was diagnosed with what was thought to be Essential Tremor and I founded the first Essential Tremor Support Group in Arizona from 1999 to 2003. Several years later I discovered I had been misdiagnosed. What was thought to be Essential Tremor was actually Parkinson’s disease. My physical challenges have taught me patience and understanding of not only my own “opportunities”, I have been also given the privilege of meeting many who have met greater hurdles than I.
I believe spending less time thinking about me and more time thinking about others creates more personal growth and feeds my emotional and spiritual being. I have come a long way from the introverted and shy person I was as a child; I have grown and continue to grow. I still haven’t completely decided what I want to be when I grow up…all I know is that I have been blessed!
Life lessons from a tennis match?
I find it inspiring to see athletes who have found the strength and devotion to excel and succeed at what they love to do. As I watched the best of the best I began to ponder what set these athletes apart from what must be thousands of tennis players aspiring to become the best.
Surely there were moments, months and periods of time when they were discouraged and tempted to “give up.” During these matches there were a number of interviews with some of the coaches of these fine athletes and I noticed something that each kept mentioning. Aside from work ethic, conditioning and skills there was often the mention of belief and attitude.
After hearing that mentioned throughout the day I tried watching some of the close matches with that perspective in mind. I began to notice subtle differences between two players who were very closely matched in skills. There came a point in those long games where the one who allowed the possibility of losing to enter their mind lost the match. As I watched from this perspective I could see the moment in body language, facial expression and attitude. At times when the opponent would have spurts of revived success it was obvious the victor, regardless of the score at the moment, was convinced he or she would win. Regardless of what was happening in the match the winner looked and waited for the next opportunity to better apply their skills. The one who seemed to refuse to consider loss and never gave up ultimately became victorious. The winner possessed a one pointed focus and beief that never wavered.
The second thing I noticed; these athletes refused to focus on or discuss any recent or present injuries or problems. In every pre- game interview attempts to get the athlete to comment on or discuss the issue was flatly denied!
After watching several of these matches with this point of focus I began to make the important connection of belief, attitude and focusing only on the positive in all aspects of our lives.
As for the loser, the commentators often spoke of players reviewing these matches to discover parts of their game that need improvement and working on them for the future.
“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.”
William Arthur Ward
As you move through your day focus on looking for and adopting the positive things you want in your life. The more positively you think the more positive your life will become. The choice is ours!
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NEW DOWNLOAD!!! Relax and visualize your dreams. Register for a site account and download your FREE mp3 Guided Visualization Meditation.
TO YOUR DREAMS
What’s your level of “happiness”?
Do you know what you really want in life? Have you taken the time to really slow down long enough to take stock of just where you are and where you want to go? What do you think of your life as it is?
As the years tick by and the roller coaster we call life continues on its nonstop ride it is easy to forget to take stock of what’s on the inside. It only makes sense. We do it for our financial well being. We do it for our health with regular visits to the doctor for checkups. Why is it that we don’t make a concentrated effort to look at our life, goals and level of happiness with equal diligence?
Here are ten big questions that might help you to illuminate what you are feeling about your life. Take some quiet time alone when you are comfortable and relaxed and answer these questions. Write as much as you want; write freely and without self consciousness. Use as much space as you would like and take as much time as you need. (You don’t have to finish this in one setting.)These questions are designed to expand you! No one needs to see this but you so be as honest with yourself as possible.
Ten Big Questions
1. What is working best in your life right now?
2. What is the most challenging aspect of your life right now?
3. What do you like about yourself?
4. What one aspect of yourself would you most like to change?
5. Are you willing to change it now?
6. What motivates you?
7. How do you deal with “failure” or making mistakes?
8. What typically holds you back from going after what you want?
9. What one big thing do you want more of in your life?
10. What are you willing to do to get it?
Before you can change something in your life you have to know what it is you want to change. You have to get absolutely clear with yourself. Find what it is that you want; not what society says you should want to make you happy. Taking the time to discover what you really want and why you haven’t achieved it are the first big steps towards getting it. Once you clearly define this you can devise a plan. You can get passionate about it. You can focus on it, expand your ideas, and find the tools and people who can help you. You can develop a pattern of certainty and believe it is inevitable…. and achieve it.
“There is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming.”
Soren Kierkegaard (b. 1813, d. 1855)
Answer these questions! You might be surprised at what you discover!
v NEW DOWNLOAD!!! Relax and visualize your dreams. Register for a site account and download your FREE mp3 Guided Visualization Meditation.
TO YOUR DREAMS
Welcome to “You’re Beautiful”, Edition #1
Inspiring stories of fellow beautiful women of a certain age
It is my great pleasure to introduce you to Ms. Deborah E Ray.
Her Pearl of Wisdom:
“Always be of the Mind Set – That Life is an Adventure
If you don’t …You’ll be a Nut Job”
Deborah E Ray
Born in 1947 (do the math) in a small rural area in western Illinois I grew up with my entire family circle (great-grandparents, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) all living within a two square mile radius of each other. My town was like most small towns in the 50s and 60s where the women were groomed to be June Clever clones, however, that was not in the cards for me because my female role models were different. How Different? My great-grandma owned one of the most successful Taverns in town, my mother, who had four children and loved us all, enjoyed heading off to work each day at her Office Supply business and my father a World War II Vet was a construction worker who filled every free minute with golf. As a result of the strong women in my family my grandparents were my parental substitutes. I was unaware of the role reversal because it was all I knew, it was, “Normal”.
I remember at the early age of five I told my father that I wanted to be a lawyer. Unaware of the effects of being raised in a female dominant family he in turn told me that I would make a great nurse or teacher. I admire nurses and teachers greatly but the professions were not for me. I didn’t watch Leave It to Beaver, I watched and loved Perry Mason, I didn’t play with dolls, I liked to be with the boys and climb trees and play baseball, I did great in math and lousy in English. I also realized early that hanging out with boys and going out was much more fun than studying. I did have some girl in me for I loved to go shopping and go on dates. I did have a lot of girlfriends but many more male friends (platonic). The handwriting was on the wall, I loved being in the male world of brains and bronze before the career woman was popular. I guess back in the 50s girls were supposed to talk about girly things and men talked about their careers and sports. I really didn’t fit-in with either group. I did it my way.
Against the norm I left home and went to college in Miami, Florida. It was so exciting being on my own and in control of my self. Well, I had a little too much fun and a little less control and dropped out of school to get married and had a beautiful son. While I maintained the home and our son my husband continued building his career and received his Master’s degree. We were living the good ole materialistic life in Rockford, IL and then in Chicago, IL. Once my son was in school I decided I wanted another, a daughter and as fast as the thought came to me my beautiful baby girl was born. I loved my children so much yet felt empty. What had happened to my dream of being a career woman? I had two beautiful children, a nice home and a husband who provided for his family yet I still needed more. I decided, even though my daughter was an infant, to go back to school and finish College. Life was more crazy than ever – I would get my husband off to work, son off to school, strap my daughter to my back and head off to school only to return to make dinner, clean the house and kiss my children goodnight. I was doing it all and at times questioned why I was killing myself when all around me was good but I stayed true to myself and graduated in education. Yes, I became a teacher. I loved the challenges of forming young minds on a nothing salary. Oh, my parents were so proud.
POW…the golden boy that I married had an affair. I tried to work on my marriage and figure out what I had done wrong but soon I realized that I was working solo, so I got divorced. Oh my, how fast I went from being the proud parent child to the black sheep in the family – the first in my family to ever get a divorce. During this time in my life, I lived with low-self-esteem, I was confused about what I wanted, I was the mother of a 3 and 8 year old, not yet 30 and divorced. My family begged me to come back home to the small town environment from Chicago, and I did. When I first returned I was treated like I was the one who had broken up the marriage, however, I didn’t feel like I failed instead I viewed my ex-husband as the weaker one of us two. Fortunately, I stayed true to myself and listened to my inner strength. I read the book, “Pulling Your Own Strings” by Wayne Dyer and that was it, I re-packed the kids and drove back to Chicago within the week. Everyone around me thought I was crazy and would be turning back. Their lack of support made me that much stronger and the strong woman mentality I was raised to be. Once I returned home I knew I needed to do more to provide for my children so I went into Real Estate and worked in sales for a homebuilder.
During my down time I found a new love, self-help books, I couldn’t read enough! I found myself getting stronger and stronger. Every book I read was like a pep talk before the big game. I would get so excited to use my new information. I realized, beauty was from the inside out and I wanted to be valued for ME, for my personality, my skill, my endurance and my brain not my looks. With every book I read I felt the fire inside grow stronger and the power oozing – I was ready to dive into the male dominant workforce head first, BRING IT ON. Within two years of my home sales job I was promoted to Vice President of Sales and Marketing for a National Home Builder in Chicago. I was the girl in senior management and if the guy counter parts worked 10 hours a day, I worked 12 to prove myself. If they worked five days a week, I worked six and sometimes seven. The corporate ladder is a tough climb for women and especially for single women raising children. I will admit I was scared many times and wondered if I would ever be able to give my kids what they need. However, when I left my home and hit the pavement I had a look of confidence, sure I faked it sometimes but only I knew that.
Constant self-improvement, confidence building literature was my game. I didn’t cuss like a sailor or try to prove I fit in with the guys, it wasn’t me and I was going to stay true to myself. Outside of showing confidence, I always made sure I was prepared. yes, Prepared. Any time I was in a corporate meeting with the guys, I had always done my homework and never opened my mouth with a tone of emotion but instead always with the strength of knowledge and a tone of believing in myself. Showing confidence goes far even today, if you don’t feel confident at the time, try your best to project self-confidence and you will get through anything. You can always fall apart later with a glass of wine.
In 1979, I decided to start my own business, wow, was my confidence ever tested. So many times I wanted to curl up in a corner and cry but my need, want and desire to give my children the best of the best in life kept me going. When I started to feel self pity I would try to remind myself that my children didn’t ask to come from a divorced family and be raised by a single parent. Even today, although my children are adults, I still want to do the best in my career to provide the little things in life for them that might be beyond the stretch of their incomes. Finally, after many years of hard work and many nights of being away from my children I was able to give them and myself many wonderful things. I had finally made it in the male dominant industry, I had homes in Florida, Colorado and Wisconsin, nice cars, designer clothes and we took expensive vacations. However, I know now more than ever that nothing measures up to the blessings I get from my two children.
It hasn’t been easy and as I sit here now it hits me more than ever how much life is like a roller coaster. I sold my share of my company to my partner in 2000; after 21 years of blood, sweat and tears. When I left I was treated like an out-cast and my name was thrown around in the field unfairly. I married again in 1999 and got divorced in 2008. I acquired a new business partner in 2003 to become a builder and we successfully built two developments together to find out in 2008 that there was no money left – yep all gone – I wasn’t watching the store and believed too much in the partnership. I am now living through the current housing recession somewhat penniless and I’m in the life cycle of reinventing my career. But girlfriends, I love my children, I love myself and I believe I can do it again, and will, no matter how dark some of the days get. As I enter the tunnel on this roller coaster ride called life I will re-read my old friend, Pulling Your Own Strings, and fight as hard as I can until I get into the light. I have no regrets and as Frankie, ole blue eyes, would say, “I did it my way” and will continue to do so.
I would like to thank Deborah for sharing her inspiring story. As I read this and the stories that will follow in this monthly edition I realize that we women of a certain age are indeed diverse, strong, growing, fabulous and creative and we all share a unique and valuable resource.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
Helen Adams Keller (1880- 1968)
v I hope you enjoyed this first edition and will share your story with Women in Transition. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL and you deserve to be recognized! It’s easy, it’s fun and we’d love to meet you so go to the You’re Beautiful submission page and submit today! Inspire us.
Three Key Ingredients for Successful Visualization
In my last post I shared with you the Best Me self hypnosis technique to assist you in visualizing your goal or dream.
http://www.wikihow.com/Hypnotize-Yourself-Using-the-Best-Me-Technique
I have been practicing and using this tool for about a week now and I am finding it extremely helpful. One of the biggest problems I have always had with visualizing my goal has been to relax.
I have read a number of books and articles on the subject of visualization but the book I am the most comfortable with is Creative Visualization, by Shakti Gawain. The basic process for visualization is described as:
1. Decide the goal you wish to work on. I have found it best to work on one goal at a time.
2. Create a mental daydream, idea or picture in your mind of the goal as if it already exists. The more detail you can add the clearer your intention will be.
3. Focus on it often. During this past week and with the intention to honestly master this process, I have used the Best Me technique once in the morning and again in the evening as I lie in my bed to sleep. By the way, my evening visualization and self hypnosis process has provided me a wonderful, deep, peaceful night’s sleep!
4. Think of it with positive energy. This Best Me process has helped greatly with this aspect of visualizing. There are times when my mind cannot help but bring in too many questions about how I’m going to achieve my goal. This definitely disrupts the positive nature of the visualization process and can create negative feelings, which spoils the process!
Okay so far but more importantly the book discloses the Three Key Ingredients that would be necessary to have in order to be successful with your visualizations. They are:
1. Strong desire, which is described as “a clear, strong, feeling of purpose” and not the brute force kind of behavior that attracts negative energy.
2. BELIEF. I capitalized this because I think this is one of the more important ingredients in the formula. If you don’t believe it is possible why would it ever occur?
3. Acceptance. How many times have we said we really wanted something and were ready to have it but kept hearing that small soft voice from somewhere in our head that said “but what if”. As in; what if I get this and then I’m overwhelmed? What if I get this and I can’t handle it? What if it comes too fast? You know the voice. The one that keeps telling you as long as you’re simply pursuing your goal you don’t have to deal with the reality of having it…now.
So what is the big pre-cursor to all of this? To RELAX. There were so many times I would lay down to visualize and it seemed there were a number of mental movies in my head and they were all stuck on fast forward! That is why I was so delighted to find the Best Me self hypnosis technique. The process of focusing on my breathing and a pleasant atmosphere first seemed to alleviate many of the problems I was having with the visualization exercise. As I worked with this process I felt if I could hear the script it would be easier for me to relax, focus and engage. I taped the script and found it was just what I needed to effectively experience the process. I found this so useful I thought you might enjoy it as well. Here it is:
I hope you find this useful in your practice of visualization. Remember to place yourself in a QUIET, comfortable place and position. This works best if you focus on the words and form the picture of yourself in the scene in as much detail as possible. If you allow yourself to experience this fully you will find it very relaxing and enjoyable!
v As always, if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on delicious or share it with a friend. Your support is appreciated.
v Oh, and by the way, next week will be the first edition of “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL”. I can’t wait to introduce you to your fellow beautiful women of a certain age. I would love to meet more of you so be sure to submit your photo and tell us a bit about yourself!
Outside resource:
§ Book: Creative Visualization, Shakti Gawain
§ Article: Hypnotize Yourself Using the Best Me Technique, wiki-How.com
How to relieve stress and achieve your goals, Part I
I just read the Sunday newspaper for the first time in months! As I sipped on my coffee and turned the pages I could literally feel my mood and energy level diminishing. Even though I try to keep my exposure to the media at a minimum I still manage to see and hear more than enough to be aware of the number of challenges we all face. It was quite a shock to experience what I felt as I read page after page of problems, doom and gloom! The worst part it all was the hopeless feeling of being unable to change anything I read about. These are challenging times we are living and the resulting stress can be mentally and physically detrimental to our lives. As our society moves faster and faster it seems we are less likely to be in a supportive atmosphere at the very time we need it the most.
Think about this list on a few of the generally agreed upon health problems stress is believed to be related to:
· Lack of sleep, energy and concentration
· Anxiety, neck and back pain
· Quick tempers and a lack of tolerance for even minor upsets
· Headaches, mood swings, anger, sadness and even depression
· Autoimmune diseases
· Eating too much, too little and usually the wrong things
· There is research lately that links stomach bloating to stress
Clearly relaxation and relieving stress would be extremely beneficial not only for our health but also for our happiness. Surely most of us will agree feeling tired, depressed and full of anxiety is not conducive to finding happiness or achieving our dreams and goals. It doesn’t sound like a state of mind that would be beneficial to creativity either! Since I am not immune to these feelings I set about discovering ways to alleviate these thoughts so I could be in a better position to find and do the things that are important to me. I started with my two pearls of wisdom in my mind:
· The one person I know I can change is me.
· If you look for something long enough and hard enough you will find it. So why not look for something good.
I looked long and hard and I found what I think are some really helpful and powerful tools. I hope you find them useful as well!! The first, below, is for relaxation. Maybe it’s because I live in the desert but I find the sound of rain can put me in a peaceful mood quicker than anything. The video below is a full uninterrupted ten minutes of it. Ahhhhhhh.
Secondly, I’d like to share an outstanding booklet written by Doc Childre, founder of HeartMath, a leading stress research institute. De-Stress Kit for the Changing Times is compassionately written and provides a number of simple practices to help anyone who is experiencing an emotionally challenging time. Register for a site account, if you don’t already have one, and download a PDF of this 15 page booklet for F.R.E.E. I found this to be the kind of inspirational tool I know I will refer back to on those occasions when I find myself feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. It really is good. I read my copy while listening to the rain!!!
I hope you find this information as helpful as I do and will check back next week for Part II of this article. I will share with you a VERY interesting tool I found to help you visualize and achieve your goals!!
Until then….
Warmest regards,
Deborah
Do You Feel Beautiful?
If you have been reading my blog you know that I am in the process of creating an exciting new feature that I will be adding in August, “You’re Beautiful”. The idea came to me not only from my own feelings of frustration at never seeing all the millions of beautiful, growing, creative wise women of a certain age acknowledged in the media but also as a result of comments I observed from like minded women on forums I visited about this subject.
I would like to thank the many of you who have submitted your wonderful photos and biographies. You are indeed beautiful and diverse and I can’t wait to share your stories and pearls of wisdom on my blog.
This new feature promises to be far more inspiring than I had imagined!
Back to my question, do you feel beautiful? I have a confession to make; I am elated and excited to see the beautiful photos and stories I have received but I am a little surprised there have not been more. I had hoped to quickly grow this feature into a weekly edition and eventually to have a separate page devoted to the photos and stories of the beautiful women of a certain age! I began to think I might have misnamed the feature.
Could it be, even though I think all women of a certain age are beautiful, this is not what the majority of us feel? So then I asked myself; if we don’t feel beautiful, what standards are we applying and where did we get these standards from?
Throughout history beauty has been a function of culture. Let me share a few of the bizarre and painful rituals women have subjected themselves to in the name of beauty I discovered in a fascinating article, What is Beautiful? A Brief Look Through History, on webmd.com:
· Foot binding in ancient China was practiced until it was outlawed in the 20th century. It involved breaking the toes at an early age and folding them under and back towards the heel of the foot. The feet were bound tighter and tighter over time to stunt the growth of the foot. Often times the arch of the foot was broken to create an even higher arch. The ideal foot size was 3 – 4 inches! OUCH!!
· In the Elizabethan era high foreheads were considered beautiful so women plucked and shaved their foreheads to achieve this ideal. To further enhance the look a lead based makeup called ceruse was applied which, as you might imagine, caused a number of medical complications including disfigurement from scarring.
· How about corseting which was popular from the 14th to 19thcentury. These contraptions were made from whalebone on a steel frame. Women would synch themselves so tightly they would often faint.
These are just a few of the things women have done through the ages simply because it was considered to be the standard for beauty. I must say I found this article quite fascinating and it made me look at this beauty thing from a different perspective!
I am not saying we should not be concerned about our looks. This is all part of being a woman and a human being. But it does bring me back to my question. Do you feel beautiful and what is your version or ideal of beauty?
For me Katherine Hepburn comes to mind. She was unapologetic in her lifestyle, looks and personality. Confident in who she was and comfortable in her own skin; she had her own version of beauty and remained true to it until the end. She took good care of herself mentally and physically and it showed. She carried herself with grace, style and self assurance. To me this is beauty, enviable and qualities I would aspire to adopt.
So in hopes of discovering your thoughts on this subject I created a SHORT little survey (only 4 questions) on the subject. Surely you are as curious to know what other women of a certain age think about this subject as I am. It will only take a minute and you can view the results immediately. To participate click on the link below or the new ”Survey Fun” link at the top of the page!
http://www.womenintransitiononline.com/survey-fun/
v So what’s your ideal of beauty? Share your comments and thoughts. If you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on del.icio.us or email it to your friends! Your support is appreciated!
v Don’t forget to submit your photo and story. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL and you deserve to be recognized! It’s easy, its fun so go to the You’re Beautiful submission page and submit today!
Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
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