I felt I just had to share this…

Something very interesting happened to me last week and I thought would be perfect for a Food For Thought Video.

…I call it The Difference!

So now I ask you the question that I asked myself after this encounter…

What is the difference between these two gentlemen? How is it that one is so unconcerned and unaffected by his age while the other who is actualy 7 years his junior is so resigned to his age and convinced of its limitations?

What are your thoughts? Please share…I would love to hear from you.

To your dreams and possibilities,

Deborah

It’s finished! It’s Done! And you helped create it!  

Recently I held a workshop that many of you attended. I asked for your input and if you would share with me the key things you would find most helpful and what would be the easiest way for you to receive and absorb it. (After all, it’s only helpful if you actually get through it, right?) Soooo…

  Thank you to all who responded.

This new system is now available for you and I believe this is something that will truly enhance your life, support your progress and magnify your success!

To hear more about it please click the link below and it will take you to a short presentation…

 The 3 Step System to Revitalize Your Life, Goals and Relationships 

P.S. I have a NEW free gift for you!  Download your F.R.E.E. Special Report; Conquering Change, Take the Scary out of Transitions and receive my complimentary bi-monthly ezine by filling out the big green box at the top of the page!

Summer Doldrums

Here is a list of 25 fun and thoughtful things you can do to cheer someone else up (and yourself in the process):

1. Reverse gossip; share something nice about someone you know.
2. Send an older person a beautiful card, (did you know old folks tend to not get a lot of mail these days and they love it!).
3. Forfeit the war for the good parking space with a smile and a wave.
4. Pay a nice compliment to a stranger.
5. Spray your neighbor’s weeds while you’re out spraying your own!
6. Spend an afternoon chatting with people at a Senior Center! These folks are lovely and very friendly.
7. Grab a shopping cart from the grocery parking lot on your way into the store.
8. Ask to speak to a manager and comment on what a good job you think they are doing.
9. Offer to take care of someone’s children for an afternoon so  mom can have a few hours to herself.
10. Offer to water someone’s plants while they are on vacation.
11. Include someone you know in one of your regular activities.
12. Send or take a care package to someone who is sick.(books, magazines and their favorite goodies)
13. Offer to go to the grocery store for an older person in your neighborhood.
14. Let someone cut in during rush hour traffic.
15. Let someone with just a few items go ahead of you in the checkout line.
16. Share your special skill with someone who is interested in learning it.
17. Adopt a pet from a shelter that is going to be euthanized.
18. Wave to a child in a car.
19. Volunteer your time for a worthy cause.
20. Take dog bones, food and toys to a dog shelter.
21. While you’re at it, volunteer to walk a few dogs.
22. Smile and say hello to everyone you see today.
23. Take the time to pay someone a sincere compliment on their appearance or something they are doing.
24. Leave a surprise anonymous gift, flower or plant on someone’s doorstep or desk at the office.
25. Don’t just hemorrhage from laughter…alert your friend about the toilet paper strand that is stuck to her shoe as she prances out of the restroom at the restaurant.

Do you have any ideas on how to cheer someone up? We’d love to hear them… please share them in the comments section below! Stay cool, stay positive and enjoy your summer!

P.S. For more ideas on how to stay positive sign up for the F.R.E.E. 21 Day Attitude Adjustment Course and receive my complimentary bi-monthly ezine by filling out the big green box at the top of the page!

How’s your attitude lately?

Take this short quiz and find out!

Get This – Survey Results – GlowDay.com

Could your attitude use some work? I invite you to join me (as my guest) for the FUN F.R.E.E. Positive Attitude Workshop on Tuesday, May 25th at 5:00pm Pacific.

Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone else choose it for you.
– Author Unknown

P.S. By the way, I am really hoping you can make this call but I know there are times when, well…things just happen. So rest assured you won’t miss a thing. If you register a recorded version of the call will be sent to you if for some reason you are unable to attend.

P.P.S. If you receive this via email click http://www.womenintransitiononline.com/deborah-speaks/ to view the quizz!

You see, I am unveiling my new Interactive Workshop and I would be honored if you would attend the first of the Three Part Sessions F.R.E.E. as my special guest.

It’s my way of saying thank you to all of you  who’ve supported me by requesting my 21 Day Attitude Adjustment Course, reading my newsletter regularly and, of course, those of you who I have had the privilege of working with!

Many of you have been reading my blog from when it first went Live and have witnessed the many changes that have occurred here.   

(So today I’d like to take this opportunity to Thank You and say congratulations to you all for taking action to improve your lives and Get Your Year in Gear!)

Now, it’s MY turn to give you something back…

I cordially invite you to join me for the first Session, via teleconference call, of the power packed Positive Attitude Workshop entitled:

SECRETS of a POSTIVE ATTITUDE REVEALED
How to acquire and maintain a positive attitude
And revitalize your life, goals and relationships

This workshop is designed enhance your ability to implement the 5 simple habits in the 21 Day Attitude Adjustment e-course. (By the way, if you don’t currently subscribe to my e-zine or have yet to take the 21 Day Attitude Adjustment Course, you can do so by putting your name and email address in the Big Green Box at the top of the page!)

  During this fun and enlightening interactive call with me, you’ll discover:
 
• How to recognize negative programming habits that tear down personal motivation and hinder your success.
• The relationship between intent and attitude and how to use it to your advantage.
• New insight into how you personally process information. 
• A simple and enlightening exercise to clarify your best traits and the best way to focus on them.
• The number one reason why most people aren’t able to change their habits and how to correct it.
• And much, much more…

This workshop includes interesting activities and exercises that will encourage you to reflect, engage and expand your understanding and learning. You will come to see the significance of acquiring a positive attitude and how to create and maintain one.

So Please Be My Guest and Join me on this F.R.E.E. Interactive call where we will reveal the Secrets to a Positive Attitude:

Reserve Your Seat Now
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
5:00 pm PT and 8:00 pm ET

Discover the Value something as simple sounding as “A POSITIVE ATTITUDE” can have on your personal and business relationships, goals and life dreams! By the way, I am really hoping you can make this call but I know there are times when, well…things just happen. So rest assured you won’t miss a thing. If you register a recorded version of the call will be sent to you after if you are unable to attend. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact me. I always love hearing from you.

 I hope you can join me on the 25th!  

Sincerely,  

Deborah Hayes                                                                                                                                                                                                deborah@womenintransitiononline.com  

P.S. One more favor! Can you help me spread the word? If you know someone who would be interested in” Discovering the Secrets of a Positive Attitude” please forward this email to them and ask them to join us! If you do bring someone with you tell them to put your name on the registration in the “referred by” box on the form and you’ll receive a special bonus from me which I will tell you about at the end of the call!    

P.P.S. Please know that I am very excited about the interactive feature of our call.  We will have the opportunity to converse at times during the call! However it will require me to limit the number of participants, so please act now by clicking on the link below and register today!

SEATS ARE LIMITED

 Tuesday, May 25th

5:00 pm Pacific Time

Reserve Your Seat Now

I don’t know about you but I have always been intrigued by this concept and yesterday I believe I have experienced just such an event!!! Really, the craziest thing just happened to me.

You know, for the past month or so I have been working VERY hard on a new workshop I will be unveiling very soon. Consequently I have been doing an awful lot of research, writing and working some very long solitary hours. As a result of this I am afraid I have fallen into a bad habit. I find myself becoming lost in the project and looking up to find it is evening and my brain is simply numb and empty. Lately I have been stumbling into the TV room, turning it on with the intention of turning the brain off for a little while and I wind up spending the rest of the evening in a television stupor. It doesn’t seem to even matter what I watch!

Now if you read my blog much you all know how I feel about television and its effect on our creativity and attitude. I am one who would like to find the strength to simply get rid of my television entirely. So I have to tell you I was definitely feeling guilty  spewing about the evils of TV and being the very one who was watching news and murder mysteries till the wee hours of the night! Yup, shame on me.  

So here’s the synchronicity thing…

Last night I had just finished writing the article, “Positive Attitude and Staying Fired Up” for this week’s e-zine and I sauntered into the den and switched on the cable news channel and silently told myself, “Geez, I have to stay somewhat connected to the world, right? I’ve hardly been out of this house. I’ll just watch it for a little while and then turn it off.”

The den lit up and the sound of my favorite commentator filled the silence as I went and prepared a salad. Just as I sat down at the breakfast bar to eat it while I watched it suddenly switched off. Just like that it was silent. Hmmm. Ok, I’ll just reboot the cable box. That’s the problem for sure. Four minutes later it switched off again. This rather frustrating scenario repeated itself about four times and then it happened.

I noticed the soft red blinking indicator light on the front of the TV. A sinking feeling ensued followed by frustration and anger. The “Lamp Unit” has burned out. Now this has happened once before and will happen again but for now there will be NO TV until I order the part and replace it.

As I  mentally fretted about what I might do with the rest of this evening to unwind it occurred to me I had just finished writing an article about staying fired up and even offered an exercise  to help us notice how negativity can creep itself into our lives and the effect it has on our attitude.

Enjoy the silence...

Doctor heal thyself! Here’s the good news:

 I eventually closed my tired eyes, dusted off and listened to one of my favorite motivation tapes. Very inspiring and pleasant I might add.

Tonight, which is approaching, I plan to dig through and revisit some of my forgotten and favorite CD’s I discovered while digging for the manual for the TV. I am actually looking forward to this. There are some great memories in these songs!

I will also spend some quiet time on my porch enjoying the last of the cool evenings and have a really good conversation with myself. It’s a perfect opportunity to the listen to some of thoughts or conversations that occur in my head.

Did you know that the average person has over 60,000 thoughts per day! Amazing isn’t? I told you I’ve been researching!! Silence, it’s a good thing.

If you are interested in learning more about the 5 simple habits that can change your life sign up for the 21 Day Attitude Adjustment Course!

P.S. By the way, watch for the upcoming F.R.E.E. Attitude Adjustment Workshop coming VERY soon!

FRUSTRATION

With a three year old and several other dogs Alexis normally performs this errand while her daughter is napping and someone can babysit. Thursday she decided to multi task and take the 45 minutes drive to the vet with her daughter and one of her other dogs. As she arrived at her destination there was a note on the door announcing new and reduced office hours and the different locations now available for visits; also a 45 minute drive from her house.  This news meant she was not going to be able to accomplish this task this day.

With a packed schedule speckled with errands for her daughter’s birthday celebration on Saturday in addition to her normal duties she was in a word FRUSTRATED. Now there would not be an opportunity to get the dogs shot until sometime next week.

The first thing she did was call me, huffing and puffing and intent on circling the following issues:

1)      She had wasted an hour plus of her tightly planned day and accomplished nothing.

2)      The new office hours/locations now meant that she would have to carefully plan the visit in the future and loose the flexibility of working this task into her schedule and arriving when the opportunity occurred.

3)      She felt her ENTIRE day was now ruined.

I let her rant and rave a bit and then offered her some of my “motherly coach advice” which, just so you know, doesn’t work on family members and least of all daughters.  

She would have none of it. She was intent on focusing on the” issues”.  The more she spoke the more negative she became about the remainder of her day.

I tried to bring her back to reality using one of the steps in habit #3.

Coach mom: Is there anything you can do to immediately to rectify the situation at this moment?

Frustrated daughter: No, no of course there is nothing I can do. I am furious… the day is ruined and this is way too long of a car trip for Kenzi without a break. She is becoming restless, I put a movie in for her which won’t turn on and now I’ll have to pull over and, and, and, and, (More ranting).

Coach mom: What would be your options?

Frustrated daughter:  (Louder) I don’t have any options; this is terrible now this will be even more difficult …. I have spent the whole day on this and accomplished nothing and now I’ll never get the rest of what I need to do… etc. etc. (by the way, the time is 11:00 am in the morning!)

Don’t do this coach thing on me. I am not looking for a solution I am simply venting.

It was at this point I realized that I was not going to be able to get her to look at anything other than the problem and participate in watching it grow exponentially with the length of the conversation.

My options:   Listen to her rant and rave and lower my own energy in the process or express how sorry I was to hear her day was not going well and hang up. I chose the latter. (See you can teach old dogs new tricks!)

Was that the end of it? Not quite, she immediately called my mother to rant some more where she received the predictable advice of how she had too many animals and duties and not enough time for them all and the logical solution was to reduce the number of animals, thereby creating more time for her. (Yikes!)

This is fighting language for my animal advocating rescuing daughter whose apparent passion is to find a way to save them all; TODAY, if not sooner!

The outcome; Not as traumatic as it appeared and the options were:

1)      Find another vet closer to her home who could administer the monthly shot.

2)      Purchase the serum and administer the shot herself, an option offered and tried at the beginning of the treatment which did not work out.

3)       Succumb to planning the exact day of the month at the preferred location and show up then.

Of course she came to these options, or at least I think she did. However instead of stopping to look at her options, choosing a course of action, when she would do it, writing it down and letting it go for the rest of the day she left it in her head and it still rears its ugly head in our conversations.

Other bad news; her sour mood continued throughout the day exhausting her. She ultimately took a nap with her daughter and did not accomplish the other 5 errands on her list. The remainder of the weekend… well I think you can imagine, we’ve all been there; my poor baby.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? It certainly does to me. (It’s always easier to see it in someone else!)

The good news is if we set a conscious intention and practice the habit of pivoting out of these incidents we can change the way we react to them when they occur to us.

If you are interested in learning more about the 5 simple habits that can change your life sign up for the 21 Day Attitude Adjustment Course!

P.S. By the way, watch for the upcoming F.R.E.E. Attitude Adjustment Workshop coming soon!

I am not going to turn this into a personal soap opera but I am pleasantly surprised at the outcome of the event and what I continue to learn from it. When things don’t go as we have planned or fantasized it is tempting to feel sorry for ourselves and drag unpleasant events from the past into our present.   There is great power in the ability to step back and look at things from a different perspective, to stay in the present and communicate with a less defensive attitude! We will always be confronted with events and circumstances that will challenge us but with the right attitude and healthy self image these events become opportunities for growth and wisdom.

Now For the Fun Part!!!!

In one of my recent posts I offered a couple of suggestions on ways to spend some quality time bonding and cherishing your friends. I recently had the pleasure of attending a DIVA PARTY hosted by one of my dear friends and can now personally testify to the benefits of gathering with women friends and simply letting your hair down. Gather a group of fun women add some food, appropriate beverages and bask in the therapy of uncensored female humor and bonding.

 

This party had all the right ingredients for a perfect night. We were treated to a couple of well researched trivia games that were just the right accelerants to provide ample hilarity and creative comments.

Trivia winners… and oh my, was the trivia interesting.

There were awards for the best slut slippers, and the best diva Jacket award.

The best diva Costumes

The well deserved naughtiest Diva of the night award went to Diva Freckles who received rave reviews!

Our beautiful and fun hostess with the most-est.

This is just a small sampling of the MANY fun photos from that hilarious evening. As you can see, a fun time was had by all! Thanks to Diva Christine for a wonderful party and memory! If you haven’t done this lately you simply must! Bond, defuse, recharge and make sure to include one of these parties in your round of holiday activities or anytime. It is therapy at its best and a great Attitude Adjustment.

THANK YOU DIVA CHRISTINE

If you are looking for other ways to improve your attitude grab a friend or two and take the free 21 day Attitude Adjustment course. It really is simple to do, fun and it works!

I immediately called my daughter back to convey the surprising news that was so bluntly delivered. I am definitely in need of some assurance that I’m not crazy and thinking some input with a more modern perspective on the episode would help.  I get that in his eyes, if the story is even true, he was the injured one but I must say I was a little surprised at the apparent lack of a sincere apology or any concern for my feelings.   I’m truly bewildered. I know it’s been a long time since I have indulged in this dating thing but I’m leaning toward, as my two and a half year old granddaughter would say, that’s not nice.

Of course my daughter comes through like a champ. Although there is no talk of “off with his head” she is as surprised as I and delivers the loving concern needed. I assure her that although I am disappointed I am not 18 and on a scale of 1-10 of upsetting events experienced and survived in my life this is about a 2. Well, ok maybe a 3. I decline her offer to fix me dinner, assure her I am perfectly OK and will settle in with one of the two new books I received earlier than expected on this day as well. Synchronicity at work?

Now… for the lesson part:

Since I am the author and actively participating in my own Attitude Adjustment Course I headed for the couch to let all this sink in and sort through my feelings. It seemed quite interesting to me that I would be testing Habit #3 of my e-course in a big way. For those of you who have yet to sign up for the course, Habit # 3 is:

Finding Positive Aspects in Unexpected Occurrences.

Now I did promise not to be sarcastic but I have to tell you I found the following sentences from the program just a little bit funny, given the nature of the unexpected occurrence: 

We all experience interruptions to our plans many times throughout the day. Allowing these disturbances to stay in our heads has a dramatic effect on our attitude and can definitely create a negative spiral to our mood.

However, I did write the program and do believe in its effectiveness so I forged ahead to one of the included exercises that I thought would be appropriate for this incident:

Exercise 1: Whenever something unplanned or upsetting occurs during your day immediately think of 3 positive aspects about the situation and say them out loud to yourself. Then delete the negative occurrence from your thoughts and focus on your 3 positive aspects.

You know, as simple as this exercise sounds it did prove to be very effective for me and once I got started I found a number of what I thought were positive aspects which, more importantly, led to some powerful insights about me.

First, he was right on the money with his observation that now my house was clean and I had done a much more thorough job than I ordinarily do. A clean house feels good and if you are going to have an unpleasant experience it is easier to take in a clean house!

This incident had managed to motivate me to remove the lingering clutter from my kitchen countertop and in the process of furniture arrangement I had come up with a much more pleasant ambiance for myself. Without the expected arrival of this special guest I would not have taken the time for furniture experimentation. I now realize I should consider doing these things for me and how my environment affects how I feel about myself.

As I pondered these three positive statements I began to think about how I had felt during the day prior to the unfortunate turn of events. It occurred to me that I had actually taken, what for me, was a risk and while taking the risk I had allowed myself to thoroughly enjoy the experience. I had unwittingly discovered how enjoyable and invigorating it was to completely mentally unplug from work and that I could do this and the world would continued to turn! And somehow I had managed to revive the feeling that male companionship, even though this was the wrong male, can be a stimulating healthy part of a balanced life. You know in the coach world these are really big shifts.

I won’t bore you with the other positive musings this led me to but I think it would suffice to say  once I started thinking positively about this experience those thoughts began to expand. Today I am feeling really excited and good about what I took away from this experience.

Negative thoughts and attitudes are more destructive than we think. They affect our self esteem, confidence and what we accomplish. It would have been easy for me to feel like a victim and sorry for myself. Had I indulged in this kind of behavior I would not have discovered the hidden gifts in this incident that now provide me with the opportunity for further growth and happiness.

The uncomplicated truth is we have a choice of how we look at life and that choice is the simple deciding factor that makes one person positive and happy and the other negative and pessimistic.

They say it takes 21 days to create a HABIT. Sign up for the 21 Day Attitude Adjustment Course and at the end of 3 weeks you could be in THE HABIT OF THINKING POSITIVELY!

Something wonderful occurs when one thinks positively

You begin to see POSSIBILITIES EVERYWHERE!

If you follow my blog or know me personally, it is no secret that I am a recovering workaholic. Now that I do not have the traditional 9 am to 8:00 pm schedule I used to put myself through I am recovering but still experience difficulties in letting work go and allowing unbridled pleasure in my life without the background noise of work in my head. One of my remaining symptoms is the lack of male companionship in my life. It has been a long time since I have “dated” (let’s just say years). It has been so long I don’t recall how this “habit” started. It wasn’t any particular event but the general excuse was… I don’t have time followed with the classic when I get” fill in the blank” accomplished I‘ll make the time and effort to find that certain perfect someone.

CAN WE TALK?

With that said let’s fast forward. There is a restaurant that I and my family frequent and one  I occasionally visit alone. There is a certain person I have chatted with  a few times and I admit, the thought he might be someone nice to date had entered my mind but circumstances were never quite right to make this happen. Recently, and just days before the moon was big round and full of all things, the occasion seemed to magically evolve in the most comfortable and natural of ways. After bumping into him, sharing cocktails, dinner and a long conversation the traditional exchange of contact information occurred and a nightly conversation commenced. One thing led to another and our “first date” was planned for Wednesday.

I am sure he had no idea what a divergence from my character this was and is completely unaware of what this triggered.  On the morning of the “big date” another monumental shift in my attitude occurred. I lingered in bed and decided that I deserved a break and was going to thoroughly enjoy this experience. I gave myself permission to completely mentally unplug from work and the computer for the entire day. I decided to mow the front lawn, clean my house which led to some overdo clutter removal and even some experimentation with furniture arrangement. Once satisfied and even inspired I moved on to what I could remember about date prep. Let’s see, there was hair color touch up, a pedicure, and attire experimentation and decision. Then much more time than usual on makeup and a trip to the store to pick up the beer I noticed he drank and something appropriate for a light snack in the event we didn’t rush right out to dinner.  Oddly the day was extremely pleasant even energizing and when all was complete I had an hour and a half to relax and leisurely dress for his arrival! I am really feeling good  now and the best part was I honestly had not even thought about checking email or work. This is big!

OK ladies, it is perfectly fine to start chuckling here.

At this point I’m thinking this is pretty nice and maybe I have been a little hard on myself and perhaps male companionship is stimulating and a healthy thing. Balance, cloud walking… yup there might be something to this after all; this is definitely good stuff. I am beginning to feel like the guy in the old movie “Caddy Shack” who plays the golf game of his life in thunder, lightening and rain.

Its 5:38 and I’m sitting outside indulging in a glass of wine reporting my success to my daughter on the home phone when I hear my cell phone ringing. I jump up to catch it thinking he might have an update on his ETA and here’s what he said:

“Hi, you know I have just had a dreadful day. I have been wrestling with some legal document issue, searching for papers all day and I have a headache and just feel awful. I am in a terrible mood and I know I wouldn’t be any fun tonight. To make matters worse I have a big and early meeting in the morning so I hope you understand but I think I better just stay in tonight. It would probably be better if we did this on a Friday or Saturday night…………………………………………..”

Ok, now you can start full blown laughter!

I think, in a word, I felt stunned. I suddenly had this mental picture of myself dreamily and pleasantly sleep walking toward the edge of a cliff and someone, blessedly I guess, throws a bucket of ice water in my face and abruptly I wake up.  I honestly had to take a moment to process this before I could speak.

More laughter allowed here.

Did I mention during those build up to the “first date” phone conversations there was a lot talk about how excited he was to see me again and how this would be our “first date” and how much he was looking forward to it and on and on and on? Geez, I may as well have been hypnotized.

After whining this sad story out almost as an afterthought he asks, how was your day? I didn’t quite know what to say but I think I mumbled something about how I had taken the day off to catch up on some overdo maintenance items here at the house. The next part of this is a bit of a blur but I think he commented on how good that was because now I had it all done and I, not we, could relax on the weekend and I honestly don’t remember what the parting salutation was. At this point, not all that important, right?

Now… for the end of the story and the important lesson I learned about the value of a positive attitude and balance please tune back in tomorrow for Part II. Honestly, I’m not going to be sarcastic and there really is a positive lesson here; just read the rest of the story tomorrow and you’ll see.

In the mean time, I would LOVE to hear your comments on this event. If you receive this via email just click this link:

http://www.womenintransitiononline.com/blog/