Life lessons from a tennis match?
I find it inspiring to see athletes who have found the strength and devotion to excel and succeed at what they love to do. As I watched the best of the best I began to ponder what set these athletes apart from what must be thousands of tennis players aspiring to become the best.
Surely there were moments, months and periods of time when they were discouraged and tempted to “give up.” During these matches there were a number of interviews with some of the coaches of these fine athletes and I noticed something that each kept mentioning. Aside from work ethic, conditioning and skills there was often the mention of belief and attitude.
After hearing that mentioned throughout the day I tried watching some of the close matches with that perspective in mind. I began to notice subtle differences between two players who were very closely matched in skills. There came a point in those long games where the one who allowed the possibility of losing to enter their mind lost the match. As I watched from this perspective I could see the moment in body language, facial expression and attitude. At times when the opponent would have spurts of revived success it was obvious the victor, regardless of the score at the moment, was convinced he or she would win. Regardless of what was happening in the match the winner looked and waited for the next opportunity to better apply their skills. The one who seemed to refuse to consider loss and never gave up ultimately became victorious. The winner possessed a one pointed focus and beief that never wavered.
The second thing I noticed; these athletes refused to focus on or discuss any recent or present injuries or problems. In every pre- game interview attempts to get the athlete to comment on or discuss the issue was flatly denied!
After watching several of these matches with this point of focus I began to make the important connection of belief, attitude and focusing only on the positive in all aspects of our lives.
As for the loser, the commentators often spoke of players reviewing these matches to discover parts of their game that need improvement and working on them for the future.
“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.”
William Arthur Ward
As you move through your day focus on looking for and adopting the positive things you want in your life. The more positively you think the more positive your life will become. The choice is ours!
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NEW DOWNLOAD!!! Relax and visualize your dreams. Register for a site account and download your FREE mp3 Guided Visualization Meditation.
TO YOUR DREAMS
Welcome to “You’re Beautiful”, Edition #1
Inspiring stories of fellow beautiful women of a certain age
It is my great pleasure to introduce you to Ms. Deborah E Ray.
Her Pearl of Wisdom:
“Always be of the Mind Set – That Life is an Adventure
If you don’t …You’ll be a Nut Job”
Deborah E Ray
Born in 1947 (do the math) in a small rural area in western Illinois I grew up with my entire family circle (great-grandparents, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) all living within a two square mile radius of each other. My town was like most small towns in the 50s and 60s where the women were groomed to be June Clever clones, however, that was not in the cards for me because my female role models were different. How Different? My great-grandma owned one of the most successful Taverns in town, my mother, who had four children and loved us all, enjoyed heading off to work each day at her Office Supply business and my father a World War II Vet was a construction worker who filled every free minute with golf. As a result of the strong women in my family my grandparents were my parental substitutes. I was unaware of the role reversal because it was all I knew, it was, “Normal”.
I remember at the early age of five I told my father that I wanted to be a lawyer. Unaware of the effects of being raised in a female dominant family he in turn told me that I would make a great nurse or teacher. I admire nurses and teachers greatly but the professions were not for me. I didn’t watch Leave It to Beaver, I watched and loved Perry Mason, I didn’t play with dolls, I liked to be with the boys and climb trees and play baseball, I did great in math and lousy in English. I also realized early that hanging out with boys and going out was much more fun than studying. I did have some girl in me for I loved to go shopping and go on dates. I did have a lot of girlfriends but many more male friends (platonic). The handwriting was on the wall, I loved being in the male world of brains and bronze before the career woman was popular. I guess back in the 50s girls were supposed to talk about girly things and men talked about their careers and sports. I really didn’t fit-in with either group. I did it my way.
Against the norm I left home and went to college in Miami, Florida. It was so exciting being on my own and in control of my self. Well, I had a little too much fun and a little less control and dropped out of school to get married and had a beautiful son. While I maintained the home and our son my husband continued building his career and received his Master’s degree. We were living the good ole materialistic life in Rockford, IL and then in Chicago, IL. Once my son was in school I decided I wanted another, a daughter and as fast as the thought came to me my beautiful baby girl was born. I loved my children so much yet felt empty. What had happened to my dream of being a career woman? I had two beautiful children, a nice home and a husband who provided for his family yet I still needed more. I decided, even though my daughter was an infant, to go back to school and finish College. Life was more crazy than ever – I would get my husband off to work, son off to school, strap my daughter to my back and head off to school only to return to make dinner, clean the house and kiss my children goodnight. I was doing it all and at times questioned why I was killing myself when all around me was good but I stayed true to myself and graduated in education. Yes, I became a teacher. I loved the challenges of forming young minds on a nothing salary. Oh, my parents were so proud.
POW…the golden boy that I married had an affair. I tried to work on my marriage and figure out what I had done wrong but soon I realized that I was working solo, so I got divorced. Oh my, how fast I went from being the proud parent child to the black sheep in the family – the first in my family to ever get a divorce. During this time in my life, I lived with low-self-esteem, I was confused about what I wanted, I was the mother of a 3 and 8 year old, not yet 30 and divorced. My family begged me to come back home to the small town environment from Chicago, and I did. When I first returned I was treated like I was the one who had broken up the marriage, however, I didn’t feel like I failed instead I viewed my ex-husband as the weaker one of us two. Fortunately, I stayed true to myself and listened to my inner strength. I read the book, “Pulling Your Own Strings” by Wayne Dyer and that was it, I re-packed the kids and drove back to Chicago within the week. Everyone around me thought I was crazy and would be turning back. Their lack of support made me that much stronger and the strong woman mentality I was raised to be. Once I returned home I knew I needed to do more to provide for my children so I went into Real Estate and worked in sales for a homebuilder.
During my down time I found a new love, self-help books, I couldn’t read enough! I found myself getting stronger and stronger. Every book I read was like a pep talk before the big game. I would get so excited to use my new information. I realized, beauty was from the inside out and I wanted to be valued for ME, for my personality, my skill, my endurance and my brain not my looks. With every book I read I felt the fire inside grow stronger and the power oozing – I was ready to dive into the male dominant workforce head first, BRING IT ON. Within two years of my home sales job I was promoted to Vice President of Sales and Marketing for a National Home Builder in Chicago. I was the girl in senior management and if the guy counter parts worked 10 hours a day, I worked 12 to prove myself. If they worked five days a week, I worked six and sometimes seven. The corporate ladder is a tough climb for women and especially for single women raising children. I will admit I was scared many times and wondered if I would ever be able to give my kids what they need. However, when I left my home and hit the pavement I had a look of confidence, sure I faked it sometimes but only I knew that.
Constant self-improvement, confidence building literature was my game. I didn’t cuss like a sailor or try to prove I fit in with the guys, it wasn’t me and I was going to stay true to myself. Outside of showing confidence, I always made sure I was prepared. yes, Prepared. Any time I was in a corporate meeting with the guys, I had always done my homework and never opened my mouth with a tone of emotion but instead always with the strength of knowledge and a tone of believing in myself. Showing confidence goes far even today, if you don’t feel confident at the time, try your best to project self-confidence and you will get through anything. You can always fall apart later with a glass of wine.
In 1979, I decided to start my own business, wow, was my confidence ever tested. So many times I wanted to curl up in a corner and cry but my need, want and desire to give my children the best of the best in life kept me going. When I started to feel self pity I would try to remind myself that my children didn’t ask to come from a divorced family and be raised by a single parent. Even today, although my children are adults, I still want to do the best in my career to provide the little things in life for them that might be beyond the stretch of their incomes. Finally, after many years of hard work and many nights of being away from my children I was able to give them and myself many wonderful things. I had finally made it in the male dominant industry, I had homes in Florida, Colorado and Wisconsin, nice cars, designer clothes and we took expensive vacations. However, I know now more than ever that nothing measures up to the blessings I get from my two children.
It hasn’t been easy and as I sit here now it hits me more than ever how much life is like a roller coaster. I sold my share of my company to my partner in 2000; after 21 years of blood, sweat and tears. When I left I was treated like an out-cast and my name was thrown around in the field unfairly. I married again in 1999 and got divorced in 2008. I acquired a new business partner in 2003 to become a builder and we successfully built two developments together to find out in 2008 that there was no money left – yep all gone – I wasn’t watching the store and believed too much in the partnership. I am now living through the current housing recession somewhat penniless and I’m in the life cycle of reinventing my career. But girlfriends, I love my children, I love myself and I believe I can do it again, and will, no matter how dark some of the days get. As I enter the tunnel on this roller coaster ride called life I will re-read my old friend, Pulling Your Own Strings, and fight as hard as I can until I get into the light. I have no regrets and as Frankie, ole blue eyes, would say, “I did it my way” and will continue to do so.
I would like to thank Deborah for sharing her inspiring story. As I read this and the stories that will follow in this monthly edition I realize that we women of a certain age are indeed diverse, strong, growing, fabulous and creative and we all share a unique and valuable resource.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
Helen Adams Keller (1880- 1968)
v I hope you enjoyed this first edition and will share your story with Women in Transition. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL and you deserve to be recognized! It’s easy, it’s fun and we’d love to meet you so go to the You’re Beautiful submission page and submit today! Inspire us.
Three Key Ingredients for Successful Visualization
In my last post I shared with you the Best Me self hypnosis technique to assist you in visualizing your goal or dream.
http://www.wikihow.com/Hypnotize-Yourself-Using-the-Best-Me-Technique
I have been practicing and using this tool for about a week now and I am finding it extremely helpful. One of the biggest problems I have always had with visualizing my goal has been to relax.
I have read a number of books and articles on the subject of visualization but the book I am the most comfortable with is Creative Visualization, by Shakti Gawain. The basic process for visualization is described as:
1. Decide the goal you wish to work on. I have found it best to work on one goal at a time.
2. Create a mental daydream, idea or picture in your mind of the goal as if it already exists. The more detail you can add the clearer your intention will be.
3. Focus on it often. During this past week and with the intention to honestly master this process, I have used the Best Me technique once in the morning and again in the evening as I lie in my bed to sleep. By the way, my evening visualization and self hypnosis process has provided me a wonderful, deep, peaceful night’s sleep!
4. Think of it with positive energy. This Best Me process has helped greatly with this aspect of visualizing. There are times when my mind cannot help but bring in too many questions about how I’m going to achieve my goal. This definitely disrupts the positive nature of the visualization process and can create negative feelings, which spoils the process!
Okay so far but more importantly the book discloses the Three Key Ingredients that would be necessary to have in order to be successful with your visualizations. They are:
1. Strong desire, which is described as “a clear, strong, feeling of purpose” and not the brute force kind of behavior that attracts negative energy.
2. BELIEF. I capitalized this because I think this is one of the more important ingredients in the formula. If you don’t believe it is possible why would it ever occur?
3. Acceptance. How many times have we said we really wanted something and were ready to have it but kept hearing that small soft voice from somewhere in our head that said “but what if”. As in; what if I get this and then I’m overwhelmed? What if I get this and I can’t handle it? What if it comes too fast? You know the voice. The one that keeps telling you as long as you’re simply pursuing your goal you don’t have to deal with the reality of having it…now.
So what is the big pre-cursor to all of this? To RELAX. There were so many times I would lay down to visualize and it seemed there were a number of mental movies in my head and they were all stuck on fast forward! That is why I was so delighted to find the Best Me self hypnosis technique. The process of focusing on my breathing and a pleasant atmosphere first seemed to alleviate many of the problems I was having with the visualization exercise. As I worked with this process I felt if I could hear the script it would be easier for me to relax, focus and engage. I taped the script and found it was just what I needed to effectively experience the process. I found this so useful I thought you might enjoy it as well. Here it is:
I hope you find this useful in your practice of visualization. Remember to place yourself in a QUIET, comfortable place and position. This works best if you focus on the words and form the picture of yourself in the scene in as much detail as possible. If you allow yourself to experience this fully you will find it very relaxing and enjoyable!
v As always, if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on delicious or share it with a friend. Your support is appreciated.
v Oh, and by the way, next week will be the first edition of “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL”. I can’t wait to introduce you to your fellow beautiful women of a certain age. I would love to meet more of you so be sure to submit your photo and tell us a bit about yourself!
Outside resource:
§ Book: Creative Visualization, Shakti Gawain
§ Article: Hypnotize Yourself Using the Best Me Technique, wiki-How.com
How to relieve stress and achieve your goals, Part II
As I was searching last week for useful ways to eliminate stress I stumbled upon a really interesting practice helpful for achieving goals and dreams. Most of you are probably familiar with visualization as a method to achieve success. Athletes, speakers and all sorts of people have used this method with great success.
It involves quieting your mind as in meditation and creating a clear vivid picture of what you want in your mind. The idea is to repeatedly and positively think about your mental picture adding more and more details to it until it becomes very real to you. As you allow your imagination to expand your picture you actually feel yourself having it, touching it, using it and hearing what people will say to you when you obtain it; until you see and feel it actually exists. You are consciously creating a movie picture in your mind and with enough positive feeling and repetition it will become a strong belief, real and attainable. With enough positive energy and focus it manifests in your life.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, we all have experienced this to some degree or another. From simply believing and knowing we would find that “close in” parking space in the packed lot at Christmas time to nailing that interview or presentation. It’s those times when everything about the event seemed to feel smooth, right and effortless from beginning to end.
This is not a new phenomenon. There are many wonderful books devoted to the subject of visualization. If you are interested in changing anything in your life this practice is worth trying. I am currently re-reading two books listed below as references on the subject and I have found them really helpful in my attempt to master this skill but you may know of or find others you would prefer. I do recommend you find something on the subject to help you as this is a big subject and there is certainly a lot more to it than I have shared here.
Does it work? I believe that it does. The secret ingredient to make it so: Belief. Regardless of what method or path you take to change your thinking or life you must, at a minimum, be open to the idea that it could work. I also share the opinion and have personally experienced the reality that we believe, accept and change only when we are ready to do so. In my life and in hind sight I can recognize there were many things previously available to me that I simply was not ready to hear, see, acknowledge or accept. We all grow in our own directions and at our own pace. I have come to realize for me that is one of the things that makes this world so interesting.
I can truthfully say that if you do choose to give this an honest try I know the change in the way your life is moving can be dramatic. I knew a man who I am now convinced exemplified and perfected this visualization process. At the time, this was many years ago, he was said to be magnetic, charismatic, dynamic, crazy, lucky and even a genius. (The last one on the list he shamelessly enjoyed and promoted) I used to say he was the luckiest and most positive person I have ever known. As I look back on him now I truly believe what he was actually doing, unbeknownst even to himself, was visualizing his dreams and goals with total unwavering conviction and belief. No one could penetrate his certainty and confidence in whatever goal he chose. Although his life was shorter than it should have been, he lived every minute of it completely and for the most part joyously surrounded by many who simply wanted to be near the powerful energy.
Of course this sounds so easy but quieting the mind if you are stressed, worried, anxious or feeling less than confident about yourself can be quite a feat. This brings me to the tool I discovered which, although also not a new technique is something I have never previously explored and one I am currently finding useful to assist me with my visualizations. It is an article on self hypnosis and a technique called Best Me I found on wikihow.com. It is a short but well written “how to” on self hypnosis in conjunction with visualization and I am having some pretty good success with this! Perhaps you will too….
http://www.wikihow.com/Hypnotize-Yourself-Using-the-Best-Me-Technique
It is also a fabulous aid for relaxing, relieving stress and insomnia!! Good stuff. Check it out.
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens….”
Carl Jung
v I hope you found this article useful and if you enjoyed it please don’t forget to bookmark it on delicious or email it to a friend. Your support is appreciated!
Outside resource:
§ Book: Creative Visualization, Shakti Gawain
§ Book: Mind-Power, William Walker Atkinson
Happy Fourth of July!
Time to celebrate the birth of our nation
A time for picnics, fireworks and barbeque
When we stop, take a breath
Spend some quality time with friends and family
And appreciate the freedom
To live life on our own terms
ENJOY
Have a beautiful day
Warmest regards,
Deborah Hayes
How to Transform a Bad Day into a Better Day!
Last week I ran into several friends who were going through challenging times and feeling blue. We all have our days and those certain times in our lives that can feel like a struggle. We may not be able to quickly change the circumstance but we can most certainly change how we react to it. Sitting around thinking about how awful everything is will only make you feel worse. The quicker you change your frame of mind, the quicker your life will change direction.
It's a beautiful day!
Break the pattern. Have you ever noticed when you’re depressed your life shrinks down to a series of mundane tasks? Most people I know stop doing anything but what is absolutely necessary to get through the day which only creates more time to think about what is depressing them. Here are 6 ideas to break the pattern and start feeling better fast:
1. Change your normal pattern first thing in the morning. If you normally listen to TV in the morning, turn on your favorite uplifting music. If you normally listen to music try something with a different beat or style.
2. Exercise first thing in the morning even if you only have five or ten minutes; walk, stretch, dance or dust off one of your forgotten exercise videos.
3. Dream. While you have your coffee or morning drink take a sheet of paper and write down what your ideal life would look like. Then make a list of things you can do to move toward that goal. If it’s a new career, plan to research a school or course around it. If it’s a new location, get on the internet and research the Chamber of Commerce in the area and discover more about it. Make a plan to find out more about whatever it is you dream of doing. Each day make plan to do more toward achieving your goal or dream. Keep a notebook on your research and progress.
4. What are you reading? Plan a trip to the book store and find something to read that inspires and absorbs you. What you put in your mind is what comes out in your life.
5. Laugh. Remember a funny incident that always makes you laugh and write it down. Scan through your emails and find some of those funny videos your friends have sent you. Make a funny video of your pet and keep it handy. I taped my dog’s “we’re going on a walk” dance. It never ceases to amaze me how she can be that excited over the same thing every single day. It is the physical definition of glee and the dance and vocals span my entire house.
6. Pull out a video or photos of your favorite memory, Christmas, a reunion or whatever makes you feel good. Take your photos with you and look at them throughout your day. When you are remembering something happy and pleasant, it’s impossible to be sad at the same time.
Misery loves company. Surround yourself with positive people and vow not to talk about your issue while you’re with them. Positive energy is contagious. Catch some now and don’t wash your hands after you touch it!
To get you started, here are some of my favorite inspiring quotes, enjoy:
“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens; not by what life brings us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst a spark that creates extraordinary results.”
– UNKNOWN
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
- CHINESE SAYING
“The beginning is always today.”
– MARY WOLLSTONECROFT
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
– HENRY DAVID THOREAU
“The best way you can cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up”
- MARK TWAIN
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover”
– MARK TWAIN
“Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!”
- ANONYMOUS
The best thing about being a woman, is the prerogative to have a little fun!”
– SHANIA TWAIN
“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”
– MAE WEST
“Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.”
– JIM ROHN
“A good laugh is sunshine in a house.”
– WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”
– GOETHE
“I am not afraid of storms, I am learning to sail my own ship.”
– LOUISE MAY ALCOTT
v Do you have any favorite inspirational quotes? Share them with us; you can never have too much inspiration! If you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
6 Simple Recovery Steps for Serial Clutter Convicts
Hello, I’m Deborah and I’m a serial clutter-er. I know. I know. It’s not really a word but in my world it is. I don’t have mountains of newspapers, I don’t lurk in alleys looking to bring home more “stuff” and I can open and close my doors and drawers without stuff falling on me. However I do have too many shoes that I don’t wear and paper/mail accumulates on my kitchen counter and my office has those piles that have been there and been there, etc. I clean it and organize it and somehow it just keeps coming back.
I have purchased and almost read a couple of books on the problem and one of my favorites is Let Go of Clutter by Harriet Schechter. (Part of me wishes she would come to my house and part of me hyperventilates at the thought of it) What I liked about this book is that she discusses the different reasons why some of us have a difficult time with clutter. Then she clarifies the confusion around different activities one does to get rid of the clutter which is very enlightening. They are:
1. Cleaning: she defines this as the vacuum, mop, dust sort of thing we all do. I’m not spectacular at this but definitely OK here.
2. Neatening: She says this is what we do when someone is coming over. I’m really good at this.
3. Organizing: I don’t know what happened here, my Mom is organized, my daughter is organized, I….am not. I am better than I used to be but honestly I am not what most people would call organized.(I just heard my daughter guffawing as I wrote that and she isn’t even here) She says this is when you spend enormous amounts of time trying to find something you put away when you were neatening. This is so true.
4. Decluttering: She says, and I quote, “Discarding, removing, or markedly reducing any accumulation of material objects.” Yup, this is definitely my problem.
At least I am comforted by the fact that the reason I am bad at organizing and de-cluttering, in part, is because I am so good at cleaning and neatening. Why should we care?
When your environment is cluttered, you mind is cluttered.
As my daughter says, “the less clutter you have in your home, the clearer you are when you walk out the door.” I can attest to the fact that walking into a cluttered home makes me feel tired, uninspired and slightly inadequate. Your home should be your sanctuary regardless of how grand or humble it is. For me, it is the realization that although I was aware of my problem, I used to be a card carrying workaholic so I really wasn’t home very much. Now I work from home. Quite simply, I do remember that feeling of walking into a clean orderly house after a long stressful day. The difference is night and day.
Order
With that said I am committing to finding a way to become de-cluttered which will consequently make me happier, clearer and even better at cleaning and neatening because there won’t be so much to do. Now since I have had these two books for years and have not finished my favorite nor even started the other, I have decided to start with my review of the book, advice from my daughter and the knowledge that I need to keep this mentally and physically as simple as possible. So here’s my plan:
1. I plan to set myself up for success with SMALL achievable tasks. I will do one small project at a time and keep it as simple as possible so I don’t get overwhelmed, which will build my confidence. This will also make for less choices and decisions in a given day and increase the likelihood of my repeating the process tomorrow. Today I started with the shoes exploding out of my closet. I have two closets so I started with only one of them. I was shocked at how many shoes that I found I had not worn, will not wear and really didn’t even know were in my closet.
2. For each of my de-cluttering tasks I will use a cardboard box instead of a trash bag. A good suggestion from my daughter as it is tidier, stackable and it seems to help inspire a “de-clutter-er euphoria “at the site of actual space on the floor without the contradictory site of an overflowing garbage bag.
3. If the job is bigger than I thought I will stop immediately when I begin to feel anxious or overwhelmed.
4. When I am finished I will immediately put the box out of site. I put my box in the garage in a spot I have designated for donation pickup. This prevents the urge to pilfer items back out of the box or second guess any of my decisions. As luck would have it, a donation truck is scheduled to come next week!
5. Knowing that the clothes part of the closet would require more soul searching decisions, I placed a hamper in the new found floor space of my closet. My plan is to put clothes I do not want any longer in it as I discover them while dressing.
6. Lastly, the book recommends that I don’t beat myself up for past failures. So today I am focusing on patting myself on the back for what I did “right” today and resisting the urge to suddenly notice all the other areas I need to attack.
Isn’t it interesting how #6 is also excellent advice for beating procrastination, creating positive self talk, raising our self esteem and achieving any goal we have set for ourselves?
It’s only been one day but I must say I feel pretty good about it and the prospect of conquering the returning clutter. This concept of keeping the steps simple and the job small makes me more hopeful than past attempts when I contemplated the entire house! Perhaps this will work for you.
v Do you have any comments or suggestions on organization? Share your thoughts and comments and if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
Midlife Summer Camp!
Do you remember when you were little and every summer you went to camp? Do you remember the first time you went to camp? It was a rite of passage and it signaled that you were “old enough” and it “was time”. You likely had never been away from your mother and home and even as you were excited about going, there was a big part of you that was afraid. You didn’t know exactly what it was that you were afraid of but it was something, and it was big.
I remember the excitement of what became the ritual drive up to the camp with the entire family. The settling in with my parents at my side, the meet and greet, the tour, the preview of the planned activities, lunch, and then the goodbye. That’s when the realization sunk in that although all this was supposed to be, going to be and probably might be fun, I was being LEFT. There were a few tears and a fair amount of drama at the parting and somewhere in the week of nights there was always someone in need of the counselor for what was termed “a case of homesick”. I also remember, after the first camp, looking forward to the next year.
It has been quite some time since I have had any first hand or current experience with the camp thing but as I talk to mothers who have they tell me it’s all specialized now. There’s space camp, science camp, gym camp, volley ball camp, you name it camp. It seems that when kids go to camp these days it is to further explore an interest. But in my day you were treated to a variety of projects and activities that you likely had never ever been exposed to before; canoeing, bird watching, leaf collection, the art project and the end of camp talent show you prepared for with your new friend. It was a variety of novel, stimulating and interesting activities. Do you remember?
When it was over, although you were glad to see your family, there was a part of you that hated it to end. But when it did, you were surer of yourself for having survived and you felt as if you had discovered a new curiosity for the world and what it had to offer. After that first camp, you somehow sensed, in a big girl way, that you would forever be different now.
I think the two biggest things that can make a woman old, uninteresting and out of touch with her inner self is the lack of a sense of adventure and curiosity. I’m not saying you don’t have things in your life you enjoy. Maybe you play golf, which you love, every weekend, or jog or prepare for the annual walkathon or marathon. You eat at the same places and see your same friends. You love them but somewhere along the line you notice there is nothing new in your life and it feels routine.
When did you quit trying new things to see if there is more and if it might interest you? When did you stop growing and stretching and start to simply grow old?
There are wonderful camps, or I guess I should say adventures, excursions or trips for grownups such as the outward bound experiences where you push your limits and overcome fears with the support of fellow females, ( which is on my bucket list) and of course the spa and relaxation thing. There are also a number of camps that specialize in the interest of your choice, i.e. rock climbing, biking, etc. You may or may not have the funds and time for a week or so off to take advantage of these but why not indulge in something even better and far more lasting.
Remember Summer Camp?
CREATE YOUR PERSONAL SUMMER CAMP ADVENTURE
The weather is beautiful and it’s the perfect time for exploring, stretching and growing. This camp isn’t structured and you grow it at your own pace. There is no pressure involved and once you begin it takes on a life of its own. In going to this camp you will discover that you can indeed tweak your curiosity, creativity and sense of adventure muscles without the need to leave town. The results of your efforts will leave you feeling inspired, younger, alive and hopeful; imaginative, vibrant, interested and interesting.
It’s very simple to do and here’s how it goes:
1. Pick up your city parks and recreation brochure. They usually offer a good variety of adult activities and they are generally pretty affordable. If you have an idea of what you’re interested in trying, of course the internet is priceless!
2. Start by taking ONE activity or class that genuinely intrigues you and hopefully something you can pay for by the class. (no commitment) If you like it you can continue but it still leaves the opportunity to explore other avenues.
3. From there broaden your horizons and experiment to your heart’s content. It is important to go into the “Personal Summer Camp Adventure” with your mind and attitude in the spirit of trying as many new things as possible and hanging on to the new things you discover you love.
Think of it as the perpetual life camp adventure whose purpose is to remind you to stay in touch with your inner child and curiosity in your everyday life. Hopefully you will look up one day and find that you are not just living on the surface of things; that somewhere in your adventures you have found the knack for living in the moment, simply for the moment. Maybe you will learn not to take yourself and life’s traumas so seriously. Maybe you will manage to recapture some of the pure joy and authenticity of the child you once knew who danced in the woods pretending to be a butterfly or a fairy without the fear of anyone’s judgment.
Try this, not because it is good for your business, resume, children, mate or anyone but because it is good for you. Maybe, while finding the treasure that is the zest for life and living, you will find you have become the treasure!
I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
Diane Ackerman (1948-present) quoted in Newsweek, September 22, 1986
v Sound like fun? Share your thoughts and comments and if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
Procrastination, a Disease or a Habit?
Procrastination, A Disease or a Habit?
Whichever it is, it can have very negative effects on the quality of our lives. It is responsible for:
· Deterring our progress for any goal we are trying to achieve
· Creating stress in our lives
· Making you feel incompetent and guilty which are big red flags for self esteem
· Producing negative self talk, (which can cause some pretty nasty welts on your wrist if you’re using a rubber band to help retrain negative self talk, or wear out your pretty stretch bracelet prematurely. Yikes!)
Isn’t it curious how closely related low self esteem, negative self talk, and procrastination are?
This procrastination thing has a tendency to feed on itself and grow into quite a large monster if you’re not careful. When you avoid doing one task, there are usually a couple more related items you also put on the back burner because you need to complete task one first.
Every duty which is bidden to wait returns with seven fresh duties at its back. ~Charles Kingsley
Now you’re feeling overwhelmed, and it’s likely that you are, as you realize there isn’t enough time in each day to accomplish all that’s on your plate because you avoided that task you hate. No problem, I’ll just put in extra hours until it’s done and promise myself I won’t let this happen again. We won’t talk about the regular mundane tasks your letting go while you slay the monsters.
Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. ~William James
Now you’re mentally and physically exhausted which leads you to feel stressed, like a failure and you begin to question your decisions and ability. Instead of feeling better when the original task is completed you find you’re staring at three or four more monsters that have grown to adulthood and are on the attack.
There are a number of excellent resources full of strategies for getting through the process and getting things done and most work pretty well. Here are a few I have tried and found to be very helpful:
· Prioritize your goals.
· Set realistic goals.
· Break overwhelming tasks into a series of small steps.
· Make sure to do something on your big goals everyday. (even if it is small)
· Go ahead and start a task even though you don’t have time to finish it that day.
· Plan and write everything you want to accomplish each day and cross off items as you complete them.(Builds confidence)
· If there are items you don’t get to, place on the next day’s agenda.
· Have an idea, in writing, of what you would like to accomplish for the week.
· Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t complete everything you planned.
· Reward yourself in some way for your accomplishments.
· Don’t over commit yourself. (This will set you up for failure!)
· Get the clutter out of your space!
These are but a few of the multitude of options available on how to cope with procrastination. All of them are good and like child rearing, dog training, diet and exercise, whatever you decide to do, if you are tenacious and consistent, it works. But for me, this seems to have the effect of treating the symptom while not knowing what the disease is.
The best success I have had is trying to understand where my fear and reluctance for a task or goal comes from. Most of the things I procrastinate about are things I fear or believe I am not good at. Of course we can’t be good at everything and we don’t love everything we do. But if we are willing to undergo high levels of stress and the consequent difficulties of avoiding something we need or want to do, there has to be a reason or a belief that is at the root of this avoidance.
Here is a good personal example. When I was VERY young, like most of us, I held a number of positions while trying to find my wings. My father was an incredibly gifted salesperson and could, as they say, sell ice to Eskimos. My brother was also gifted in the field so it was only natural, especially since I was fired from my first secretarial position in a matter of two months that I would gravitate to the field as well. Long story short, I was hired to sell specialty advertising, taken to a specialty advertising convention and show, given a huge number of lines to sell, told I was a natural, gifted and sure to be their best salesperson. I was pumped. On the very first day I walked into a clothing store that my mother and I had often shopped in thinking it would be a safe first attempt. I didn’t get two steps into the front door with my catalogue when the sales person saw me and said in a loud voice for the whole store to hear, “Oh no, no. Get out, out, out.” She literally chased me out of the store. I cannot begin to tell you how devastated, embarrassed and humiliated I was. I ran to my father’s office in tears to tell him my story. He assured me that it was not the end of my career, I shouldn’t and couldn’t wear my feelings on my sleeve and that I would be fine. Although I found success in the field of sales, I made sure whatever I sold did not require cold calling!
The example above is obvious but sometimes there are more subtle things in our past that are at the root of our reluctance to tackle a goal or task. Perhaps it was a remark a boyfriend, relative, boss, teacher or family member once said. Maybe it was something you read or heard and it stuck with you. You repeated it to yourself over and over and created a pathway in your brain as we discussed in the article on self talk. If you find yourself repeatedly and consistently procrastinating on a goal or task it is very useful to spend some time and ask yourself:
1. Is there something about this task that I think I can’t do or might fail at?
2. Where is this thought, belief or feeling coming from?
3. What proof do I have that this is true?
4. Have I made a sincere effort to accomplish or improve my skills for the task?
5. Is this something I really need or want to do?
6. Is this something I simply don’t like, need or want to do and I can delegate to someone else?
Spending some time to discover what the disease really is can make the cure far more efficient and effective. Procrastination is a drain on our self esteem and the quality of our life. The next time you find yourself unable to promptly begin a project try asking yourself these questions and see if you discover a long excepted myth in your life that is holding you back!
v What do you do to avoid procrastination? Share your thoughts and comments and if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
Outside resource:
· Book: Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway
· Book: Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain
Can Positive Self Talk Make A Difference?
I know, I know, it’s been talked about to death. It is a part every book on self esteem, motivation or happiness and we all know what it is. It’s about paying attention to what we say to ourselves and what we think. Whenever we are awake we are thinking. This thinking plays out as private subliminal messages and conversations that only we hear. Since we have been thinking since birth, it becomes automatic, like breathing, swallowing or moving about. It is something we do and no longer recognize how or when we do it. We talk to ourselves every waking moment and we no longer consciously hear what we are saying. It’s like living near a freeway. After a period of time you don’t hear the traffic unless you consciously listen for it.
When a subject is talked, written and spoken about so much it becomes something we skim. When we see something more on the subject we think we know what it is and if we read about it at all we think, oh yeah, that’s the self talk thing. Good idea and I’ll have to do that sometime but right now I have to conquer the world, plan the party or family gathering, get through this meeting or figure out how I’m going to replace what I lost out of my 401k for Pete’s sake and off we go.
There is a reason this subject is brought up every time self esteem is talked or written about.
If you are attempting to improve your self esteem and life it is imperative that you actively take notice of what you are saying to yourself and why.
Once you do, it is an excellent indicator of what you think about yourself and what you are attracting into your life. If you’re not in the habit of monitoring what you regularly say to yourself here are some examples that might be easy to recall.
What did you say to yourself the last time you were;
· Preparing your resume.
· On your way to an interview.
· Driving home from the interview.
· About to give a presentation at a meeting.
· Preparing for a blind date.
· Opening an invitation to a pool party.
· Attending a party where you only know the hosts.
It seems it is easiest to hear and recall our self talk when we are doing something we are uncomfortable with.
I think we all agree that in order to change anything you must first acknowledge that it exists. I also think that in order to create the enthusiasm needed to make a sincere effort to change we need to believe that it is possible. While I was exploring “self talk” I was surprised to learn the depth of scientific research on this subject and the impressive findings on the potential of the brain to literally change. (Even old brains!) I read and listened to a large amount of information on habits, self talk, the brain, and here is a synopsis of what I discovered that reinforced my belief in the power of self talk.
· The brain is like a computer.
· From the moment you take your first breath it absorbs all the information you get from your five senses and stores it.
· Like a computer, it doesn’t question or evaluate the information you put into your computer.
· Repeated messages create pathways in the brain; the more you repeat the message the bigger the pathway becomes.
· The largest pathways become the programs you use.
When you Think- it triggers a Thought - which triggers a Mood - which triggers an Action
· Those programs you have created through repeated messages are the instructions your brain sends you on how to respond.
· The best information I discovered is that new pathways and programs can be created at anytime through repetition.
Positive self talk is not just a trend, it is very powerful. What you say to yourself over and over becomes what your brain believes you to be. What you believe yourself to be is who you are.
Still not convinced? Whether you believe it or not, let’s say you have been ordered to spend 30 days locked up in a house and you can bring one of two friends with you. One of your friends is sarcastic, always points out the negative side of any situation you bring up and is quick to point out ways you can improve. (For your own good, of course.) Your other friend consistently sees the positive side of your situation, expresses confidence in your decisions, abilities and always comments on how good you are. Which friend would you choose to spend your days of confinement with?
Now isn’t it exciting to know you have the ability to make dramatic changes in your life? It costs you nothing, you don’t need anyone’s help and you can start immediately! Commit right now to actively listen for those negative thoughts or statements about yourself. The moment you hear them stop and replace them with positive statements. You can use the tried and true method of popping a rubber band on your wrist when you make a negative statement about yourself but, I am a woman, I prefer a stretch bead bracelet, special necklace or anything pretty to touch for reinforcing the habit change in my mind.
While you’re at it reinforce your positive self talk each morning before you start off for your day. Stand in front of a mirror and find as many nice things to say about yourself as you can. Say them out loud. Set a number you are comfortable with and don’t leave the mirror until you have accomplished it. Start with 5 and work your way up to 10.
Make a tape of your positive statements and play them in the car or whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself.
Write your positive statements on sticky notes and stick them in places where you will find them throughout the day. Put one on the visor of your car, in your makeup bag, on the inside of a kitchen cabinet or any place that you frequent.
Get creative and come up with as many ways as you can to reinforce your positive self talk. Before you know it you won’t need the rubber band or bracelet, you will believe what you say and you will become what you believe.
v Do you believe that positive self talk can make a difference in your life? Please feel free to share your suggestions and ideas in the comments or email me at deborah@womenintransitiononline.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
Outside resources:
§ Book: Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain
§ Book: Mind-Power, The Secret Of Mental Magic
§ Book: A New Beginning II
Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
480-656-2026
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
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