Welcome to You’re Beautiful, edition #3
Inspiring stories of fellow beautiful women of a certain age.
It is my great pleasure to introduce you to Mrs. Kim Blakey.
Her Pearl of Wisdom
“No matter how hard life gets there is so much to learn from all of it;
Just look ahead and face the new beginnings.”
Kim Blakey
What do you do for work? I am a Service Rep for a Collateral Protection Insurance Company for 29 years! I have been based out of Fort Worth, Texas but have worked in El Paso. I love my job and I love the people I work for.
What have you accomplished in life that you feel proud of? I have accomplished a very happy marriage for 25 years and have two absolutely wonderful, beautiful daughters that I just adore. I am proud to have been able to maintain a full time career while raising my children in a happy stable home :)
What is important to you now? What is important to me now is maintaining good health and happiness.
Do you have any hobbies or passions? I guess my hobbies are seasonal. Right now I enjoy working in my yard and gardens.
What do you do for fun? My husband is a musician and I love to go with him and listen to him play guitar and sing :)
What is your favorite book? The Bible.
What is your favorite movie? Gone with the Wind!
What is your favorite food? Mexican Food (green chicken enchiladas with an egg over easy, refried beans, guacamole and of course the yummy margaritas)
What do you do when you really want to pamper yourself? Go get a massage, maybe get in touch with old friends and go back in time at some really neat resort and have manicures, pedicures, massages, good old laugh sessions and of course the wine.
Tell us about your life To answer this question I will begin with a little about my life as a child and bring you up to my current ripe old age of 52!! (But I like to reverse this, which would make me only 25 and I like the sound of that better :). I don’t want to be negative but I do want to be truly honest about my life. I don’t believe it was negative all the time I just believe some of us are dealt a harder life than others.
I was raised in an alcoholic home. There was love in the home but it was not unconditional; or what I feel unconditional love in a family should be. There were four daughters, my mother and my father. When I was just 15 years old my father committed suicide and left us all to take care of ourselves. We didn’t know it then but we had been taking care of ourselves the whole time.
As time went on my older sister committed suicide at the age of 32. I believe in my heart that the devastating loss of two family members to suicide due to alcohol, drug abuse and a dysfunctional upbringing would be enough to bring any person down. I am proud to say I chose the complete opposite.
I knew it was going to be a challenge but I wanted to find a loving husband and to raise a family in the most “normal” household setting possible. What motivated me to accomplish this was my love of God. No matter how hard life gets there is so much to learn from all of it!! I have truly been blessed with the love of my life and our two absolutely precious daughters.
Now I am facing more changes. I think they call it the “empty nest” syndrome! It is hard but I know there is a new horizon. I will just look ahead and face the new beginnings.
I would like to thank Kim for sharing her story with us. As I read this and the stories that will follow in this monthly edition I realize that we women of a certain age are indeed diverse, strong, growing, fabulous and creative and we all share a unique and valuable resource.
- I hope you find these stories inspiring . Now we want to hear about you. Click on the You’re Beautiful Submission link above; share your story and tells us how you are reinventing your life!
Endorphins…Woman’s best friend
When I was a girl it was diamonds; now that I’m a woman it’s endorphins. I think we’ve all heard about this natural pain relieving feel good chemical produced by our bodies. It is currently touted to relieve conditions such as depression, sadness, bad attitude, bad mood and pain to name a few. God’s gift? Yes, I think so.
My quick research on the internet yielded an array of answers as to when our bodies produce it.
When we are:
- stressed
- giving birth
- in pain
- having sex
- eating chocolate (small quantities recommended)
- eating spicy foods (as in chili peppers)
- exercising vigorously
- feeling happy
- smiling
- Laughing (not the golf clap kind)
- meditating
- “low to moderate” drinking (as in alcohol)
It’s that wonderful euphoric feeling when everything is right in your life and you just feel good. Like when you fall in love and can’t wait to see and be with that certain someone or hold your new grandchild for the first time. The question often asked is how to keep these endorphins rolling in our bodies and generate more of them when we need them.
This past weekend I stumbled upon one very pleasant method.
I was recently blessed to be contacted by my long lost friend, Kim, from my home town who I had not seen or heard from in years. She in turn connected me with our other good friend, Sharon, who had also moved away and not returned home for many years. After some communication via internet and phone we all decided it would be a fine idea to plan a reunion of sorts. It was agreed that Sharon and I would travel home and stay with Kim for a weekend and catch up on each other’s lives. What I had expected to be a simple fun excursion turned out to be something far more rewarding.
“Though our communication wanes at times of absence, I’m aware of a strength that emanates in the background.”
-Claudette Renner
From the moment I walked into Kim’s comfortable and inviting home, speckled with mementos of all things dear to her that speak to the special person she is, I felt at home again. It was a perfect place for sharing and reclaiming important parts of ourselves at a time in our lives when we most need to remember.
The Reunion
Over the way too short weekend we shared memories, laughter, triumphs, disappointments, concerns, praise, recipes and remedies. We bought matching readers and granny chains so we could see each other’s treasures without the need to search for eyes to see and magical tennis shoes to make us stand straight, transform our calves, thighs and bums. It was just like the good old days and as if the many events and circumstances lived over a block of 20 years time had not passed. In the end… we enjoyed the comforting mutual appreciation of not who we were or what we’ve become but of what we are; that part of us on the inside that despite all that occurs in our lives remains the same. Endorphins flew like hundreds of butterflies emerging from their chrysalis.
So if you’re looking for endorphins and to touch that soft mushy marshmallow part inside you that sometimes gets lost in all our trials and tribulations; find your friends and spend some quality time with them. Sometimes we get so caught up with the business of life we neglect to nurture the very thing that will enrich our lives and sustain us; an enduring friendship.
“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”
- Sent by Donna Robert
- What does friendship mean to you? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below. Share with us!
Welcome to “You’re Beautiful”, Edition #2
Inspiring stories of fellow beautiful women of a certain age
It is my great pleasure to introduce you to Mrs. Christine Sherriff.
Her Pearl of Wisdom:
Now, at almost 61 years of age, I have found there are many chapters in one’s life and each chapter opens another. Dreams are achievable…never impossible if one puts their mind to it.
The Many Chapters of My Life:
As a child, I was extremely introverted and shy, which possibly added to my introspective nature. I grew up with two sisters; one was a twin. My family life was about as Ozzie and Harriet as a family could get. I married my sweetheart within two weeks after turning 20 years old and then motherhood came within a year which completely changed my focus and priorities on life. I also found myself not only being a homemaker and mother; I also worked in the medical field for nearly 20 years. As time progressed, I changed my vocation just before I turned 40 years old and became a Housing Rehabilitation Specialist assisting low income homeowners renovate their homes under a city funding through a HUD Grant program. I stayed in government work for almost 10 years.
During my last couple of years heading the Housing Rehabilitation program I became immersed in the Mind, Body and Soul aspect of Life and Health. I followed my dream and went to school to become a Massage Therapist. Now at the age of 50 I was developing an interest in “Healing Touch” using Energy Work as my primary therapy. I found I had a gift with intuitive healings, along with working with Tarot cards. I realized there is more to intuition then I ever imagined! I also became interested in writing poetry; which has helped me to recognize my inner feelings and have given me more of an insight and an appreciation for my many blessings.
During the time I was enjoying a new vocation I was diagnosed with what was thought to be Essential Tremor and I founded the first Essential Tremor Support Group in Arizona from 1999 to 2003. Several years later I discovered I had been misdiagnosed. What was thought to be Essential Tremor was actually Parkinson’s disease. My physical challenges have taught me patience and understanding of not only my own “opportunities”, I have been also given the privilege of meeting many who have met greater hurdles than I.
I believe spending less time thinking about me and more time thinking about others creates more personal growth and feeds my emotional and spiritual being. I have come a long way from the introverted and shy person I was as a child; I have grown and continue to grow. I still haven’t completely decided what I want to be when I grow up…all I know is that I have been blessed!
What’s your level of “happiness”?
Do you know what you really want in life? Have you taken the time to really slow down long enough to take stock of just where you are and where you want to go? What do you think of your life as it is?
As the years tick by and the roller coaster we call life continues on its nonstop ride it is easy to forget to take stock of what’s on the inside. It only makes sense. We do it for our financial well being. We do it for our health with regular visits to the doctor for checkups. Why is it that we don’t make a concentrated effort to look at our life, goals and level of happiness with equal diligence?
Here are ten big questions that might help you to illuminate what you are feeling about your life. Take some quiet time alone when you are comfortable and relaxed and answer these questions. Write as much as you want; write freely and without self consciousness. Use as much space as you would like and take as much time as you need. (You don’t have to finish this in one setting.)These questions are designed to expand you! No one needs to see this but you so be as honest with yourself as possible.
Ten Big Questions
1. What is working best in your life right now?
2. What is the most challenging aspect of your life right now?
3. What do you like about yourself?
4. What one aspect of yourself would you most like to change?
5. Are you willing to change it now?
6. What motivates you?
7. How do you deal with “failure” or making mistakes?
8. What typically holds you back from going after what you want?
9. What one big thing do you want more of in your life?
10. What are you willing to do to get it?
Before you can change something in your life you have to know what it is you want to change. You have to get absolutely clear with yourself. Find what it is that you want; not what society says you should want to make you happy. Taking the time to discover what you really want and why you haven’t achieved it are the first big steps towards getting it. Once you clearly define this you can devise a plan. You can get passionate about it. You can focus on it, expand your ideas, and find the tools and people who can help you. You can develop a pattern of certainty and believe it is inevitable…. and achieve it.
“There is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming.”
Soren Kierkegaard (b. 1813, d. 1855)
Answer these questions! You might be surprised at what you discover!
v NEW DOWNLOAD!!! Relax and visualize your dreams. Register for a site account and download your FREE mp3 Guided Visualization Meditation.
TO YOUR DREAMS
Welcome to “You’re Beautiful”, Edition #1
Inspiring stories of fellow beautiful women of a certain age
It is my great pleasure to introduce you to Ms. Deborah E Ray.
Her Pearl of Wisdom:
“Always be of the Mind Set – That Life is an Adventure
If you don’t …You’ll be a Nut Job”
Deborah E Ray
Born in 1947 (do the math) in a small rural area in western Illinois I grew up with my entire family circle (great-grandparents, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) all living within a two square mile radius of each other. My town was like most small towns in the 50s and 60s where the women were groomed to be June Clever clones, however, that was not in the cards for me because my female role models were different. How Different? My great-grandma owned one of the most successful Taverns in town, my mother, who had four children and loved us all, enjoyed heading off to work each day at her Office Supply business and my father a World War II Vet was a construction worker who filled every free minute with golf. As a result of the strong women in my family my grandparents were my parental substitutes. I was unaware of the role reversal because it was all I knew, it was, “Normal”.
I remember at the early age of five I told my father that I wanted to be a lawyer. Unaware of the effects of being raised in a female dominant family he in turn told me that I would make a great nurse or teacher. I admire nurses and teachers greatly but the professions were not for me. I didn’t watch Leave It to Beaver, I watched and loved Perry Mason, I didn’t play with dolls, I liked to be with the boys and climb trees and play baseball, I did great in math and lousy in English. I also realized early that hanging out with boys and going out was much more fun than studying. I did have some girl in me for I loved to go shopping and go on dates. I did have a lot of girlfriends but many more male friends (platonic). The handwriting was on the wall, I loved being in the male world of brains and bronze before the career woman was popular. I guess back in the 50s girls were supposed to talk about girly things and men talked about their careers and sports. I really didn’t fit-in with either group. I did it my way.
Against the norm I left home and went to college in Miami, Florida. It was so exciting being on my own and in control of my self. Well, I had a little too much fun and a little less control and dropped out of school to get married and had a beautiful son. While I maintained the home and our son my husband continued building his career and received his Master’s degree. We were living the good ole materialistic life in Rockford, IL and then in Chicago, IL. Once my son was in school I decided I wanted another, a daughter and as fast as the thought came to me my beautiful baby girl was born. I loved my children so much yet felt empty. What had happened to my dream of being a career woman? I had two beautiful children, a nice home and a husband who provided for his family yet I still needed more. I decided, even though my daughter was an infant, to go back to school and finish College. Life was more crazy than ever – I would get my husband off to work, son off to school, strap my daughter to my back and head off to school only to return to make dinner, clean the house and kiss my children goodnight. I was doing it all and at times questioned why I was killing myself when all around me was good but I stayed true to myself and graduated in education. Yes, I became a teacher. I loved the challenges of forming young minds on a nothing salary. Oh, my parents were so proud.
POW…the golden boy that I married had an affair. I tried to work on my marriage and figure out what I had done wrong but soon I realized that I was working solo, so I got divorced. Oh my, how fast I went from being the proud parent child to the black sheep in the family – the first in my family to ever get a divorce. During this time in my life, I lived with low-self-esteem, I was confused about what I wanted, I was the mother of a 3 and 8 year old, not yet 30 and divorced. My family begged me to come back home to the small town environment from Chicago, and I did. When I first returned I was treated like I was the one who had broken up the marriage, however, I didn’t feel like I failed instead I viewed my ex-husband as the weaker one of us two. Fortunately, I stayed true to myself and listened to my inner strength. I read the book, “Pulling Your Own Strings” by Wayne Dyer and that was it, I re-packed the kids and drove back to Chicago within the week. Everyone around me thought I was crazy and would be turning back. Their lack of support made me that much stronger and the strong woman mentality I was raised to be. Once I returned home I knew I needed to do more to provide for my children so I went into Real Estate and worked in sales for a homebuilder.
During my down time I found a new love, self-help books, I couldn’t read enough! I found myself getting stronger and stronger. Every book I read was like a pep talk before the big game. I would get so excited to use my new information. I realized, beauty was from the inside out and I wanted to be valued for ME, for my personality, my skill, my endurance and my brain not my looks. With every book I read I felt the fire inside grow stronger and the power oozing – I was ready to dive into the male dominant workforce head first, BRING IT ON. Within two years of my home sales job I was promoted to Vice President of Sales and Marketing for a National Home Builder in Chicago. I was the girl in senior management and if the guy counter parts worked 10 hours a day, I worked 12 to prove myself. If they worked five days a week, I worked six and sometimes seven. The corporate ladder is a tough climb for women and especially for single women raising children. I will admit I was scared many times and wondered if I would ever be able to give my kids what they need. However, when I left my home and hit the pavement I had a look of confidence, sure I faked it sometimes but only I knew that.
Constant self-improvement, confidence building literature was my game. I didn’t cuss like a sailor or try to prove I fit in with the guys, it wasn’t me and I was going to stay true to myself. Outside of showing confidence, I always made sure I was prepared. yes, Prepared. Any time I was in a corporate meeting with the guys, I had always done my homework and never opened my mouth with a tone of emotion but instead always with the strength of knowledge and a tone of believing in myself. Showing confidence goes far even today, if you don’t feel confident at the time, try your best to project self-confidence and you will get through anything. You can always fall apart later with a glass of wine.
In 1979, I decided to start my own business, wow, was my confidence ever tested. So many times I wanted to curl up in a corner and cry but my need, want and desire to give my children the best of the best in life kept me going. When I started to feel self pity I would try to remind myself that my children didn’t ask to come from a divorced family and be raised by a single parent. Even today, although my children are adults, I still want to do the best in my career to provide the little things in life for them that might be beyond the stretch of their incomes. Finally, after many years of hard work and many nights of being away from my children I was able to give them and myself many wonderful things. I had finally made it in the male dominant industry, I had homes in Florida, Colorado and Wisconsin, nice cars, designer clothes and we took expensive vacations. However, I know now more than ever that nothing measures up to the blessings I get from my two children.
It hasn’t been easy and as I sit here now it hits me more than ever how much life is like a roller coaster. I sold my share of my company to my partner in 2000; after 21 years of blood, sweat and tears. When I left I was treated like an out-cast and my name was thrown around in the field unfairly. I married again in 1999 and got divorced in 2008. I acquired a new business partner in 2003 to become a builder and we successfully built two developments together to find out in 2008 that there was no money left – yep all gone – I wasn’t watching the store and believed too much in the partnership. I am now living through the current housing recession somewhat penniless and I’m in the life cycle of reinventing my career. But girlfriends, I love my children, I love myself and I believe I can do it again, and will, no matter how dark some of the days get. As I enter the tunnel on this roller coaster ride called life I will re-read my old friend, Pulling Your Own Strings, and fight as hard as I can until I get into the light. I have no regrets and as Frankie, ole blue eyes, would say, “I did it my way” and will continue to do so.
I would like to thank Deborah for sharing her inspiring story. As I read this and the stories that will follow in this monthly edition I realize that we women of a certain age are indeed diverse, strong, growing, fabulous and creative and we all share a unique and valuable resource.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
Helen Adams Keller (1880- 1968)
v I hope you enjoyed this first edition and will share your story with Women in Transition. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL and you deserve to be recognized! It’s easy, it’s fun and we’d love to meet you so go to the You’re Beautiful submission page and submit today! Inspire us.
Do You Feel Beautiful?
If you have been reading my blog you know that I am in the process of creating an exciting new feature that I will be adding in August, “You’re Beautiful”. The idea came to me not only from my own feelings of frustration at never seeing all the millions of beautiful, growing, creative wise women of a certain age acknowledged in the media but also as a result of comments I observed from like minded women on forums I visited about this subject.
I would like to thank the many of you who have submitted your wonderful photos and biographies. You are indeed beautiful and diverse and I can’t wait to share your stories and pearls of wisdom on my blog.
This new feature promises to be far more inspiring than I had imagined!
Back to my question, do you feel beautiful? I have a confession to make; I am elated and excited to see the beautiful photos and stories I have received but I am a little surprised there have not been more. I had hoped to quickly grow this feature into a weekly edition and eventually to have a separate page devoted to the photos and stories of the beautiful women of a certain age! I began to think I might have misnamed the feature.
Could it be, even though I think all women of a certain age are beautiful, this is not what the majority of us feel? So then I asked myself; if we don’t feel beautiful, what standards are we applying and where did we get these standards from?
Throughout history beauty has been a function of culture. Let me share a few of the bizarre and painful rituals women have subjected themselves to in the name of beauty I discovered in a fascinating article, What is Beautiful? A Brief Look Through History, on webmd.com:
· Foot binding in ancient China was practiced until it was outlawed in the 20th century. It involved breaking the toes at an early age and folding them under and back towards the heel of the foot. The feet were bound tighter and tighter over time to stunt the growth of the foot. Often times the arch of the foot was broken to create an even higher arch. The ideal foot size was 3 – 4 inches! OUCH!!
· In the Elizabethan era high foreheads were considered beautiful so women plucked and shaved their foreheads to achieve this ideal. To further enhance the look a lead based makeup called ceruse was applied which, as you might imagine, caused a number of medical complications including disfigurement from scarring.
· How about corseting which was popular from the 14th to 19thcentury. These contraptions were made from whalebone on a steel frame. Women would synch themselves so tightly they would often faint.
These are just a few of the things women have done through the ages simply because it was considered to be the standard for beauty. I must say I found this article quite fascinating and it made me look at this beauty thing from a different perspective!
I am not saying we should not be concerned about our looks. This is all part of being a woman and a human being. But it does bring me back to my question. Do you feel beautiful and what is your version or ideal of beauty?
For me Katherine Hepburn comes to mind. She was unapologetic in her lifestyle, looks and personality. Confident in who she was and comfortable in her own skin; she had her own version of beauty and remained true to it until the end. She took good care of herself mentally and physically and it showed. She carried herself with grace, style and self assurance. To me this is beauty, enviable and qualities I would aspire to adopt.
So in hopes of discovering your thoughts on this subject I created a SHORT little survey (only 4 questions) on the subject. Surely you are as curious to know what other women of a certain age think about this subject as I am. It will only take a minute and you can view the results immediately. To participate click on the link below or the new ”Survey Fun” link at the top of the page!
http://www.womenintransitiononline.com/survey-fun/
v So what’s your ideal of beauty? Share your comments and thoughts. If you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on del.icio.us or email it to your friends! Your support is appreciated!
v Don’t forget to submit your photo and story. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL and you deserve to be recognized! It’s easy, its fun so go to the You’re Beautiful submission page and submit today!
Excavating Your Dream
Is your dream machine stuck in a holding pattern? If you’ve been living on auto pilot; moving through one circumstance to another and doing what you thought you should or had to do, you might want to spend a little time and effort on changing your routine . Ruts, isolation and repetitive lifestyle patterns are dream killers. If you do this long enough you become stuck on auto pilot and might not remember how to fly the plane on your own!
Remember the old saying old habits die hard? That may be true but it doesn’t mean you can’t change them. This is the effort part of the deal but it is actually fun once you get started. You need to remember it’s not enough to just think about it, YOU HAVE TO DO IT. If you continue on the same path it will absolutely lead you to the same place! Be brave and step outside the box. Here are some ideas to get you going; once you start I’m sure you will have your own good ideas. Don’t be stingy, share them with us.
1. Do something different. Actually, make that anything different and completely out of the norm for you. Try to think of something that is fun and a little bit, or a lot, of a risk for you. Here are some basic starter ideas.
1) Have a hen, (girlfriend) party and paint henna tattoos on each other. You can buy kits that come with stencils. It’s fun and it isn’t permanent.
2) Hmmm, if you’re really feeling brave you could get a real tattoo! A little something to celebrate finding your dream.
3) Decorate your bike. Get a funky bell for your bike and clothespin a playing card to the spokes of the wheel. Remember that joyous noise and feeling when you were little?
4) Fly a kite behind your bike. Don’t have a bike? Rent one.
5) Go to the book store and find a book about what interests you; a place you want to visit or live. Then make a collage about it or create a story with stick figures of your visit or move.
6) Get a tarot card reading!
7) Find a piece of old furniture that appeals to you or purchase something unfinished and paint it with wild colors and designs.
8) Take up calligraphy.
9) Take a short day trip and wander the shops and sites.
10) Buy and learn to play an exotic instrument. Maybe a washboard, harmonica or small drum.
2. Stop comparing. I think this is biggest detriment to being happy and creative and it is so engrained in our society. Learn to appreciate yourself and discover your unique talents. We all have them. Be your own person and stop thinking about what anyone might think of you or your ideas. We are not meant to all be the same. How boring would that be?
3. Find supportive friends. Seek out those people in your life that are supportive and applaud your ideas. Enthusiasm, creativity and positive attitudes are contagious. That is exactly what mastermind groups are about. Attend one of these groups and you will come away inspired and filled with new momentum. Why not create a group of friends that are also trying to find or achieve their dream. Try meeting once a month to brainstorm and come up with ideas on how to explore and help each achieve your dreams and goals!
4. Learn to be a little selfish. This could be the hardest change to make. As women we are so accustomed to taking care of others first and it does not serve us or anyone else well. If we are not happy, vibrant, fulfilled, growing and confident we have very little to offer anyone else. Get used to this and voraciously guard your “me time”. This is important. If you find resistance from those close to you in the beginning, persist. They will thank you in the end. When your life feels better, theirs will too. It really is a win-win situation.
“The Important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are;
For what we could become”
- CHARLES DUBOIS
At the risk of sounding like a broken record…. Time is precious. Women today will live healthier and longer than ever before. It’s exciting, exhilarating and a little frightening to be blessed at this time of unparalleled opportunity for women to craft a life we love. Take a little risk and get those creative juices flowing again.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover”
– MARK TWAIN
v If you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on del.icio.us or email it to a friend. Your support is appreciated!
v DON’T FORGET to submit your photo and bio for the upcoming “You’re Beautiful” feature. Click on the link at the top of the page for details!
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?
I believe the essence of life is to have a dream or a goal. Actively pursuing something of importance is the very thing that will make you feel alive, young, stimulated and happy. A person without a dream or a goal is OLD, whether you are 20 or 100 years old. I’m not talking about goals to sell more houses or achieve a higher position in the company you work for. These aspirations are wonderful and certainly have a place in our lives but I’m talking about “heart dreams.” That something that feels right when you are doing it; something you would do simply for the love of it if you could.
Maybe it’s working with animals, writing and publishing a children’s book or the poems you love to write. Maybe it’s building a shelter, changing a law, teaching horseback riding to children, creating the perfect secret garden in your back yard, or turning your love of gardening into a full or part time job. Maybe it’s taking a loved one or yourself to the homeland of your parents or to live on the water on a boat.
We have become so accustomed to society telling us what to expect and want. We have been cautioned to plan, be realistic and careful and somewhere along the way we may have lost a viable dream. When I ask friends what their dreams are for the most part their answers are surprisingly vague. Instead of hearing passion I hear resignation and what they believe to be realistic and achievable. When I ask what it is they love, the conversation is entirely different. That is when I see and hear passion. The more they talk of what they love the more animated and enthusiastic they become.
When I ask what happened to these dreams and why they haven’t acted on them there is always a “but”. I love animals but you can’t make money working with animals unless you are a vet. I love the water but… I love to travel but… I love to cook but… When you allow yourself to dream and leave the “but” out of it amazing possibilities will surface.
“To reach a port, we must sail – sail, not tie at anchor – sail, not drift.”
– FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT
Here are some tips on untying the anchor:
1. The first and most important part, know what you want. I think it helps to brainstorm with a supportive friend. Whether you brainstorm with someone or alone, remember, your dreams don’t have to be realistic. Brainstorming is about letting your ideas and passions flow.
2. Once you have uncovered your dream or passion, begin to research it. Look for articles, schools and books on the subject. Make contact with someone who is doing what you love. Volunteer in your spare time. When you immerse yourself in what you love, doors will open and people to help you will appear.
3. Remember, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You may find variations of your dream that are satisfying and you might find yourself moving in more than one direction. Stay open.
4. It’s the journey that is the most satisfying. Have you noticed the people you know who are the happiest and most positive are the ones who love what they do? Keep your momentum going and track your goals and progress; your plan and dream will evolve.
Here are some inspiring examples of people I have known or read about that dared to find their passion;
· I knew a woman who took tango lessons. She found she loved it and it became a passion. She became really good at it and found a dance partner, built a tango pavilion in her back yard and amassed a group of tango dancing friends in Europe and all across the country. When I spoke to her thereafter she was enviably alive, young, interesting and interested.
· I read the story about Nola Ochs on MSNBC who graduated from college with her granddaughter at the tender age of 95.
· Or perhaps you remember watching the 2008 Heroes awards program. I was inspired when I watched it and found reading their stories online again even more motivating.
Time is our most precious commodity. Find your passion.
“Don’t do nothing because you can’t do everything. Do something. Anything.”
Colleen Patrick-Goudreau
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YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!
As a woman of a certain age:
Do you feel invisible? Do you feel a lack of realistic and inspiring examples of “someone just like you?” Do you feel this affects your self esteem and how you feel about yourself?
I do. This was part of the inspiration for Women in Transition Online. I grew tired and frustrated opening magazine after magazine to find articles and stories of beautiful women transitioning from powerful positions, marriages and careers and looking at pictures of models in wrinkle cream advertisements that were likely the age of my daughter. The stories were interesting but never seeing an article, story or news clip about anyone who even remotely resembled me left me feeling even more invisible and anything but inspired. Where were the real women?
What has come to inspire me is the realization of just how many strong, growing, fabulous, creative women of a certain age there are in this world. We are “the woman next door”; we’ve held jobs that have provided for ourselves and families and we have survived innumerable circumstances. We have sent children to college. We have watched them leave and return, often times bringing beautiful grandchildren with them. Some of us are retired, some of us still work and some of us are fulfilling our dreams; starting businesses, volunteering, making a difference for something we care deeply about or simply enjoying the rewards of the seeds we’ve sewn. We are diverse, we have done remarkable things, and we have inspiring uplifting stories to tell and priceless pearls of wisdom to share. We are a powerful unseen force and we are beautiful. (Whew!)
Wouldn’t it be a pleasure to see these women and hear their stories? I would like to honor the wisdom, sample the sage insights and share in the humor that only a woman of a certain age knows.
SHARE YOUR STORY
I am delighted to invite you to submit your photo and short bio for a new feature I’m introducing on Women in Transition Online. Each month we will see and read about a beautiful woman of a certain age in a special post: “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL”. Think about including what you have accomplished, what’s important to you, what you are doing and what your dream or goal is. Tell us what you like: your favorite movie, book and the quote that inspires you. Have fun with this and share whatever you’re comfortable with but most importantly don’t forget to share your pearl of wisdom:
The one thing you have learned that motivates you through a difficult time.
1. Your story should be approximately 300-600 words in length. Please include your name, address and daytime telephone number and an email address where you would prefer to be contacted.
2. Your high resolution digital photo should be about 4 x 6 inches minimum with a resolution of 300 dots per inch (dpi). Email your photos as jpegs.
3. Your story and photo may be held for consideration but you will absolutely be notified before it is published.
4. By submitting your material you grant Women in Transition Online, LLC a non-exclusive royalty-free irrevocable right to use, distribute and display the material in whole or in part in any and all media. By submitting your material you declare that you are the sole owner and author of the material and own 100% of all copyrights pertaining to the material.
Email your material to Women in Transition Online, LLC at deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
It’s that simple! You’re beautiful and you deserve to be recognized. Send your submission today.
Warmest regards,
Deborah Hayes
More Lessons from The Big Black Hat…
Ok, so now I own a Big Black Hat. It actually looks pretty good on my wall, something I hadn’t anticipated when I purchased it. Aside from the decorating advantage, I also find looking at it reminds me to take some care and thought about what I wear regardless of where I’m going. Not that I’m going to get all dressed up to go to the grocery store but a cuter sandal, fun bracelet or more interesting casual earring are not so much trouble and I honestly do feel better for it. It seems to be a sister or cousin to the organized clean house thing and the simple but not so subtle effect on the self esteem.
But the black hat kind of got me thinking and remembering. It brought back memories of the little upscale boutique I opened in the arts district here in Scottsdale when I first moved here. I have always loved hats and used to collect them so one of the things I carried in the store, just for the fun of it, was hats. Not too many but the ones I offered were very flamboyant. I sold a few of them and scattered a few from my “private collection” for ambiance. One of the hats, an outrageous red feather hat, became quite a conversation piece and an interesting ice breaker for the women who came into my store.
The Red Hat
I had strategically placed this hat in a cozy out of the way corner next to a huge antique looking footed mirror. There were very few women who could resist trying it on. Oddly it became a constant source of entertainment for me as well as my customers. Some would be boisterous about it and prance around the store modeling and laughing, so much laughter. I was treated to jokes and hilarious fictitious scenarios about the hat. It usually created a hat trying frenzy and in the course of their visit all of my hats would be sampled.
Even more interesting was the effect it had on the shy quiet women who would come in clearly wanting to be left alone if not invisible. Generally she would be conservatively dressed, eyes never meeting mine and painfully quiet. Arms tense and hands tightly grasping her purse her body language screamed; don’t talk to me, don’t watch or look at me, leave me alone. The hat’s effect on this type of woman was truly fascinating. It was like watching a feral cat eye food in a trap who ultimately succumbs after a long cautious wait and thought process. (Please note: no cats were harmed in this example. All were neuter and returned to their territory.) This woman would slowly make her way through the store carefully touching the clothes here and there as if they might jump off the hanger at her. Then it would happen, she would see the hat. Her body would freeze as she gazed up at the hat and a private inner conversation would occur. After a minute or so, as if suddenly afraid someone might mistake her gaze for interest, she would catch herself and return to her previous demeanor while carefully looking around to see if anyone noticed. The saunter would resume with a number of visits back to the hat. At this point I would casually make a funny comment about the hat and assure her that it was not for sale, from my private collection and take it down for her to have a touch. From there a curtain would begin to open. I would tell her how everyone loved to try it on, just for the fun, and she would dutifully hold it in her hands eyeing it curiously.
It was at this point I would pretend the need to take care of something up front and leave her holding the hat, in front of the big antique looking mirror, all by herself. This is when the real magic would begin. I would secretly watch as her body would begin to communicate a myriad of things from somewhere deep within her. Tentative at first, then relaxing into the moment as she put it on and slowly, ever so slowly her body would change. The head would rise in a perfect snooty tilt, then a side view and then a touch. Then another slight adjustment and her face would tell a tale of who might be hidden inside. It would generally last for a couple of minutes and the curtain would fall. Her body would resume its closed stance and usually this type of person would say thank you as she hurried out the door as if caught in an unguarded forbidden moment. On occasion it created hesitant conversation but a more relaxed and comfortable demeanor that would allow for further, if not cautious exploration. Clearly my store was not the place for the conservative at heart but it was always fun to see this type of person take a moment to step out of her comfort zone into a world of other possibilities and parts of herself she had either forgotton or had yet to explore.
I had purchased the hat to sell but once I realized the power of this hat it quickly became a part of my private collection. As they say, price of the hat $200.00, the feelings it elicited, priceless. Although I no longer collect hats, as all previous serious hat collectors do, I saved a few I could not bear to part with. Somewhere in time they all wound up in the top of an unused closet waiting for that magical day when my granddaughter will reach the age for dress up. I’m definitely going to shine here and can’t wait for the pleasant hours we will spend together playing in this special place. Along with the hats are long beaded gowns, boas, shawls, gaudy jewelry and more!
Yet another lesson and a priceless memory from the Big Black Hat… Now I am planning to have a little hen party, as we used to call them in Texas. It’s been years since I have done this and I recall how much I and everyone used to enjoy it. This is a gathering where personas are left at the door and we, as nothing more than women, commune and celebrate that mystical undefinable thing that is loosly known as the feminine mystic that we all share. I plan to purchase a couple of hat racks and strategically place a few hats and mirrors around my rooms. I’m betting that somewhere in the day guards will be dropped and we will find ourselves sharing in a rejuvenating feminine ritual.
Yes it definitely might be time for a big girl hen party and perhaps it’s time to bring the hats out of storage. Now that I am a woman of a certain age, what I at one time viewed as an amusing oddity, somehow seems to have a much deeper meaning.
v Share your comments, thoughts or experiences on the subject in the comments section. If you enjoyed this article please don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
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