http://www.wikihow.com/Hypnotize-Yourself-Using-the-Best-Me-Technique

 I have been practicing and using this tool for about a week now and I am finding it extremely helpful. One of the biggest problems I have always had with visualizing my goal has been to relax.

I have read a number of books and articles on the subject of visualization but the book I am the most comfortable with is Creative Visualization, by Shakti Gawain. The basic process for visualization is described as:

1.      Decide the goal you wish to work on. I have found it best to work on one goal at a time.

2.      Create a mental daydream, idea or picture in your mind of the goal as if it already exists. The more detail you can add the clearer your intention will be.

3.      Focus on it often. During this past week and with the intention to honestly master this process, I have used the Best Me technique once in the morning and again in the evening as I lie in my bed to sleep. By the way, my evening visualization and self hypnosis process has provided me a wonderful, deep, peaceful night’s sleep!

4.      Think of it with positive energy. This Best Me process has helped greatly with this aspect of visualizing. There are times when my mind cannot help but bring in too many questions about how I’m going to achieve my goal. This definitely disrupts the positive nature of the visualization process and can create negative feelings, which spoils the process!

Okay so far but more importantly the book discloses the Three Key Ingredients that would be necessary to have in order to be successful with your visualizations. They are:

1.      Strong desire, which is described as “a clear, strong, feeling of purpose” and not the brute force kind of behavior that attracts negative energy.

2.      BELIEF. I capitalized this because I think this is one of the more important ingredients in the formula. If you don’t believe it is possible why would it ever occur?

3.      Acceptance. How many times have we said we really wanted something and were ready to have it but kept hearing that small soft voice from somewhere in our head that said “but what if”. As in; what if I get this and then I’m overwhelmed? What if I get this and I can’t handle it? What if it comes too fast? You know the voice. The one that keeps telling you as long as you’re simply pursuing your goal you don’t have to deal with the reality of having it…now.

So what is the big pre-cursor to all of this? To RELAX. There were so many times I would lay down to visualize and it seemed there were a number of mental movies in my head and they were all stuck on fast forward! That is why I was so delighted to find the Best Me self hypnosis technique. The process of focusing on my breathing and a pleasant atmosphere first seemed to alleviate many of the problems I was having with the visualization exercise. As I worked with this process I felt if I could hear the script it would be easier for me to relax, focus and engage. I taped the script and found it was just what I needed to effectively experience the process. I found this so useful I thought you might enjoy it as well. Here it is:

I hope you find this useful in your practice of visualization. Remember to place yourself in a QUIET, comfortable place and position. This works best if you focus on the words and form the picture of yourself in the scene in as much detail as possible. If you allow yourself to experience this fully you will find it very relaxing and enjoyable!

v  As always, if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on delicious or share it with a friend. Your support is appreciated.

v  Oh, and by the way, next week will be the first edition of “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL”. I can’t wait to introduce you to your fellow beautiful women of a certain age. I would love to meet more of you so be sure to submit your photo and tell us a bit about yourself!

Outside resource:

§  Book: Creative Visualization, Shakti Gawain

§  Article: Hypnotize Yourself Using  the Best Me Technique, wiki-How.com

It involves quieting your mind as in meditation and creating a clear vivid picture of what you want in your mind. The idea is to repeatedly and positively think about your mental picture adding more and more details to it until it becomes very real to you. As you allow your imagination to expand your picture you actually feel yourself having it, touching it, using it and hearing what people will say to you when you obtain it; until you see and feel it actually exists. You are consciously creating a movie picture in your mind and with enough positive feeling and repetition it will become a strong belief, real and attainable. With enough positive energy and focus it manifests in your life.

Whether we acknowledge it or not, we all have experienced this to some degree or another. From simply believing and knowing we would find that “close in” parking space in the packed lot at Christmas time to nailing that interview or presentation. It’s those times when everything about the event seemed to feel smooth, right and effortless from beginning to end.

This is not a new phenomenon.  There are many wonderful books devoted to the subject of visualization. If you are interested in changing anything in your life this practice is worth trying. I am currently re-reading two books listed below as references on the subject and I have found them really helpful in my attempt to master this skill but you may know of or find others you would prefer. I do recommend you find something on the subject to help you as this is a big subject and there is certainly a lot more to it than I have shared here.

Does it work? I believe that it does.  The secret ingredient to make it so: Belief. Regardless of what method or path you take to change your thinking or life you must, at a minimum, be open to the idea that it could work. I also share the opinion and have personally experienced the reality that we believe, accept and change only when we are ready to do so. In my life and in hind sight I can recognize there were many things previously available to me that I simply was not ready to hear, see, acknowledge or accept. We all grow in our own directions and at our own pace. I have come to realize for me that is one of the things that makes this world so interesting.

I can truthfully say that if you do choose to give this an honest try I know the change in the way your life is moving can be dramatic. I knew a man who I am now convinced exemplified and perfected this visualization process. At the time, this was many years ago, he was said to be magnetic, charismatic, dynamic, crazy, lucky and even a genius. (The last one on the list he shamelessly enjoyed and promoted)  I used to say he was the luckiest and most positive person I have ever known. As I look back on him now I truly believe what he was actually doing, unbeknownst even to himself, was visualizing his dreams and goals with total unwavering conviction and belief. No one could penetrate his certainty and confidence in whatever goal he chose. Although his life was shorter than it should have been, he lived every minute of it completely and for the most part joyously surrounded by many who simply wanted to be near the powerful energy.      

Of course this sounds so easy but quieting the mind if you are stressed, worried, anxious or feeling less than confident about yourself can be quite a feat. This brings me to the tool I discovered which, although also not a new technique is something I have never previously explored and one I am currently finding useful to assist me with my visualizations. It is an article on self hypnosis and a technique called Best Me I found on wikihow.com. It is a short but well written “how to” on self hypnosis in conjunction with visualization and I am having some pretty good success with this! Perhaps you will too….

http://www.wikihow.com/Hypnotize-Yourself-Using-the-Best-Me-Technique

It is also a fabulous aid for relaxing, relieving stress and insomnia!! Good stuff. Check it out.

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens….”

                                                                                                                                                           Carl Jung

v  I hope you found this article useful and if you enjoyed it please don’t forget to bookmark it on delicious or email it to a friend. Your support is appreciated!

Outside resource:

§  Book: Creative Visualization, Shakti Gawain

§  Book: Mind-Power, William Walker Atkinson

  A heartwarming and informative personal story sent in response to the When Mother Gets Sick, Part I post:

I, too, have been in the same boat with my mom.  When my dad passed away, I returned home with my husband-to-be, relocating from one coast to another, to oversee mom’s life in general and be her support system.  She was still young at age 70 and quite capable of being on her own but some of the day-to-day things that my dad handled were suddenly daunting (do we have enough fire insurance or who will climb the ladder to change the smoke detector batteries?).  We muddled through on our own.  Six years later, the three of us decided to relocate to Arizona.

Mom was still very independent and able to live on her own.  We secured two apartments in the same community, unpacked our things and prepared for life in our new city.  We were so excited and hopeful.  My intention was to find some nice male companionship for my mom as she was still very vibrant and full of life.  Or so I thought…

Ten days after we arrived, my mom and I were having a conversation by phone and she was talking backward.  Nothing made sense.  She was having seizures for the first time in her life although I didn’t know it at the time.  My husband and I took her to the ER and went through a battery of tests.  We learned several days later that she had a brain tumor in the area of her brain that controls speech.  Surgery was scheduled and performed and we sat on pins and needles waiting for the diagnosis.  Another ten days of worry went by and we were hit with the news that mom had a year to live.  I was told it was time to start radiation; five days/week for five weeks.  I received that call from our neurosurgeon while I was alone in my home.  I froze on the phone.  Then hung up and literally screamed from the pit of my stomach.  I wailed like a child although I was 38 years old.  So this was it.  No fun happy hours for mom; no dates for mom.  Surgery, radiation, death.  I had a year with her at best and no plan.  Oh…and I had to deliver the diagnosis myself.

I was quickly thrust into the medical world of blood work, appointments, post-op instructions and the job of continuously explaining to my mom her diagnosis and that she was not dumb; the tumor was interfering with her ability to speak.  No guidance for what to do, how to do it or what to expect.  I had no idea that caregivers even existed.  How do you know when mom is near the end of her life?  How do you know when it’s time to call hospice?  How do I honor my mom’s wishes and continue to let her be fiercely independent and live by herself?  I was a clueless adult child who was about to become an orphan. It was time to pull up my boot straps and figure it out.

My mom always used to say “what would I do without you” and I really didn’t have an answer.  What did everyone else do who didn’t have a daughter to devote every waking hour to her mother?  Let’s face it, we can’t stop our lives, quit our jobs and sit ‘round the clock for possibly years at a time waiting for our parents to pass on.  We are still in the land of the living and must function while preserving our quality of life and that of our parents’.  

Two years after she passed away I decided to answer her question “what would I do without you”. I searched for a way to help others, fulfill my own heart’s needs and employ myself at the same time.  I contacted an agency and asked that they give me a chance and hire me.  I had hands’ on experience and my heart was in the right place.  I was certain there were others out there who needed me and I was right.  Over the past six years I have been fortunate to see both sides of the coin; as a caregiver employed by an agency and ultimately as a self-employed non-medical caregiver!  

   Both have advantages and disadvantages to the client in need of care. 

A caregiving agency can provide 24-hour care with shift changes.  They can provide backup if the caregiver is sick.  On the other hand, I am one person with a family of my own and can only provide so many hours of care in a day. An agency is going to place more restrictions on the caregiver’s involvement, i.e., they do not allow caregivers to dispense medications or even tap a pill into mom’s hand. 

 As a self-employed caregiver, I can give all of myself and offer as much as I’m comfortable with. 

When contacting an agency, ask questions not only of the agency and their policies but actually interview the caregivers yourself.  If you don’t like their answers, move on to an agency that does fulfill your needs.  Pretend this is your infant going to daycare and do the same kind of legwork needed to find the right people.  Your parent is just as vulnerable as an infant.

When you meet, if your gut tells you to move on from that caregiver, do it.  Don’t allow your own doubts about *being fair* to creep in by telling yourself that you’re not giving the caregiver a chance.  If you have doubts, listen to your inner voice!  You can’t go wrong.

My best recommendation for finding a private caregiver is to ask your parent’s friends for recommendations.  Chances are, they have a caregiver or have had one.  People never lose the business card of a good caregiver.  Ask people you trust in your church, the local drug store that has a home health department, your trusted family doctor, your hairdresser and the neighbors.  Chances are good that one of your friends has already dealt with this and can advise you.  Really open your eyes and pay attention as you’re moving through your daily life.  When you see a client and her caregiver in the grocery store or the hair salon, listen and really hear what’s going on.  If that caregiver seems loving and gentle, ask her for a business card.  Did she open the door for her client or did she leave her behind while she walked on ahead with her cell phone pressed to her ear?  Observe.

When I meet a new client for the first time (as a caregiver for hire), I encourage as many of the adult children as possible to be present with a list of questions.  Mom should have her own list of questions, too.  Then we sit as a family and have a cup of coffee and just talk.  I tell them about my own personal experience with my folks but keep out the expansive medical details.  I also suggest they contact the families I work with or have worked with for personal references.  They know the name of my husband and will eventually meet him.  I have even broken the ice with an elderly couple who were resistant to caregiving by bringing pictures of my dogs.  The client knows who I am before I even know who she is.  And most importantly…mom is addressed to her face and talked to as part of the decision-making team.  Even if she is unable to communicate well, I feel it is of the utmost importance to maintain respect toward her at all times.  Never speak about her as if she’s not in the room.  This is her life we’re trying to enhance as a team.  And if she doesn’t like the caregiver, listen to her and pinpoint why.  Not every relationship is a match made in heaven.  Mom has her vibes too and she’s the one who will be spending her precious hours with that caregiver. 

This is a scary time of life when mom is losing her independence, driving privileges, and her friends.  It’s not easy for her to face it all and by telling mom “you have to do xyz” is only going to cause a battle and make her resistant to these changes.   

I believe a good caregiver brings ideas to the table on the type of care she can provide.  I’m always asked “what exactly to you do” and my reply is “I do everything a daughter would do”.  Then I elaborate.  My purpose in a private home is to keep my client independent and safe.  I will then offer ideas on how to make that happen, i.e., removing throw rugs, extension cords, step stools, etc.  I suggest that I can help with light housekeeping, i.e., change the bed, empty the dishwasher, do the laundry, cook, shop, schedule doctor/hair/nail appointments, get mom to her appointments on time, report to the family what the doctor has said, order prescriptions, etc. 

My personal touch goes a long way and I eventually become part of the family until the end of the client’s life.  I request the children participate in mom’s life not only for her sake but for mine as well.  Interaction with family and friends helps offset depression in our seniors.  It’s a team effort.  And as the saying goes “there’s no I in team”!

I can also assist in the nursing home/assisted living/Alzheimer’s setting.  Families cannot always be present during working hours to check on mom.  But a caregiver can.  I offer random checks in my business where the family knows I’m going to see mom but the facility does not know when I’ll be arriving or how long I’ll be staying.  A good quality facility should welcome another pair of eyes.  I also like the idea of a log book in the client’s room.  It doesn’t have to be anything fancy; just a notebook to jot down observations or concerns. 

Remember that as your mom’s child, your intention is powerful.  Put out there what you want coming back.  It may take time and you may go through a few caregivers, but the right one will come along. 

Take time for you.  Don’t punish yourself about keeping that Saturday afternoon all to yourself.  You cannot be a good caregiver if you’re not taking care of yourself.  Chances are good that mom is quite fulfilled from the conversations with her new caregiver and she’s thrilled that you’re taking the time to do something for yourself! 

And remember…through the eyes of our parents, the most important role we play is their child not their caregiver.  They’re still the parents and they’re still in charge.   A hug does us all good!

About the author: Dianne Marcinizyn is a private caregiver in Scottsdale, Arizona.  She is also a licensed and nationally certified massage therapist specializing in deep tissue and trigger point therapies.  She lives with her husband and two senior rescued Labrador retrievers and is currently developing recipes for homemade dog food in her spare time.  She can be reached at Gemini1961@aol.com.

Wow! What an overwhelming response. Remember when I said if you ask most people to comment on this subject they are brief and somewhat dismissive? Well… try asking someone to write about it! I received a number of responses in my email. All said that once they got started writing they had more to say than they thought. Additionally a number commented that it felt good to put their thoughts into words. (Hmmm, note to those of you who are resistant to journaling!!)

Thank you to all of you who were kind enough to share your personal and heartwarming stories.  Now I would like to share a couple of them with you:

The first of two…

Five years ago I turned my father’s care over to a nursing facility.  It was overwhelmingly emotional for me to take my dad to a nursing home and leave him in the care of people I didn’t know. 

I tried to be the good daughter and to do the responsible thing…I wanted to avoid the decision that would be best for both of us.  So, I cleaned his home, made sure he ate three squares a day and gave him his medications at the times prescribed.  This kept me running between my home and his four times a day! Then the phone calls increased not only from him, but also from neighbors who were concerned for his welfare. He was taking walks and getting lost, he could no longer recognize his home and was having falls…it was becoming more and more obvious Dad was going to need more help than I could provide.

The role of father and daughter seemed to change almost over-night.  Of course, I wanted to be there for Dad; after all…he was there for me as a child so I made it my loving obligation to care for Dad.  Being a wife, mother and working in the medical field for over 20 years made me feel more like it was my responsibility to be “his” caregiver.  It is my belief that women are naturals at nurturing and they put it upon their own shoulders to give of themselves to the point of exhaustion before they realize they are not being fair to themselves or to those who they are caring for…until someone finally tells them they have burnt the candle from both ends.

Dad knew he was physically and mentally declining.  He was scared and verbalized that to me; he didn’t know what was happening to him.  All I could do was reassure him that I would be there for him.  He was afraid of being dumped off at a nursing home and forgotten; he had seen that happen to some of his friends. The emotional insecurity he was feeling was like that of a child afraid of going off to boarding school.  No matter what our age we are all children and need a hand to hold!

Now five years later, the nursing home staff is his family, too.  When I see their caring touch and how they respond to him; I know he is really comfortable in his home.  Dad isn’t so much in our world anymore…he has cocooned into his own world.  It’s no longer a world of recognizing me as the little girl who sat on his knee, or remembering family holidays and being able to give me advice when I needed it.  Now it is an unspoken world of blank stares and babbling uncomprehending words.  Yes, I am still the little girl on his knee and I remember the family holidays.  Now, I use the advice that he taught me to take care of his finances.

Oh, I am also there to care for his emotional needs, as I steal a kiss from him before I leave him after my visits…sometimes he responds in kind and I see a twinkle in his eyes! 

About the author:  Christine Sherriff is a Massage Therapist who works primarily with a powerful technique called Healing Touch.  Healing Touch is the physical transfer of human life energy which redirects the body’s energy fields.  As a result it restores harmony and helps to promote emotional and physical wellbeing within the body.  Christine is a great advocate in promoting how important the power of touch is for our aging population; since it creates a greater sense of emotional security.  Remember to hug someone every day! (4/26/09)

Of the people I know it’s about a 50-50 split as to whether or not one’s parents are still with us. If you are at midlife they are most certainly entering that period where you realize they will need your help to some degree or another. Those who have gone through this part of their life are somewhat dismissive about it whether it is because they have come to terms with what they did about it and moved forward or they simply do not want to recall all the gory details again. Both understandable but for those who are now or close to moving through this period the lack of advice, information and support can be daunting and the guilt surrounding this event is most uncomfortable.  It forces us to come to terms with our relationships with our parents and the question of what is the right thing to do and how to handle the frightened demands made on us.

As with any change it is often easier to stay within the known until we are forced to the unknown. As we see a commercial or receive literature in the mail with regards to anything even remotely close to this subject it is easier to say “I’ll deal with it when it comes, everything is fine right now and I have time.” With the number of baby boomers aging this is a very big issue. Yes it’s personal, private and riddled with conflicting feelings. It is also a time when we feel we will be judged on our performance and decisions by our family, friends and even ourselves. Yikes, no wonder we choose not to think or speak about it! For some of us there is the support of a large family and for others the decision falls on a single shoulder. This can be good because there is less wrangling and personality conflicts but also bad for the lack of support or input from someone who cares as much as you do.

Due to this avoidance, this time in our life can feel as though it comes suddenly and without warning.   Or maybe it arrives like unexpected rain at a well planned outdoor wedding. Either way, when it comes I think most of us feel overwhelmed and a strong need to commiserate with someone hoping to find justification or help with our decision. And let’s face it, unless you are a caregiver or involved in this industry this is not the most pleasant of subjects and not easily broached among friends or family.  We don’t chat about this much. It is an awkward subject and sits dangerously close to private feelings we may wish to avoid exploring.

WHEN MOTHER GETS SICK

You may or may not have noticed but I have not written a post in about a month. Although my mother is recovering nicely and will still be able to live alone, the knee replacement she just received has been a vivid preview of what could be. For me, my world came to a screeching halt.

 My mom is my surviving parent, no surprise there, the percentage of women who survive their mate is high. The fact is we as women are likely to live out our last years alone. I have chosen to tell myself, she is lucky and very healthy for her age. She still drives, does her own yard and if you’re ready to close your eyes and tape your mouth shut she can whip your garage into an enviable site for the most efficient organizer. (You no longer have to wonder about what’s in those boxes at the back) Aside from some expected arthritis and brief health issues she is in excellent health for an 83 year old women.

 At times when my mother has broached this subject I have chosen to make light of the issue intimating for her not to worry that I will take care of her and I was sincere about this. (Avoidance) Now I find myself asking “but how will I care for her and how much care will she need? Can she or I afford it and will her insurance cover it when the time comes? Will I move her in with me and at what point. Would she be happy in senior care environment or would she feel abandoned?” (Reality)  All this is easy to say until it’s in your face. But what this also brings closer to the surface is the fact that in a few number of years, less for some of us, we could be the ones who need.  We all say and think, my mom included, that we do not want to be a burden to our children. But when the time comes and we feel the fear of not being able to fend for ourselves as we once had, when we feel vulnerable and have been ripped from the comfort of a predictable lifestyle that doesn’t demand any changes, how will we really feel?

So what is the answer? Plan and hope circumstances don’t disrupt your plan, definitely a good idea. Should we have a plan B and C? That wouldn’t hurt either. Needless to say, although I thought I had considered this event, I really had not. Given what I know now, I have taken and will continue to take the time to truly consider the pros and cons of a number of options. When my mom feels better and more in control we will discuss how we both feel. I know this, if the outcome of this health issue had been different, I was completely unprepared and in this brief month I have felt completely overwhelmed. Our lives, goals and circumstances are always changing.   Decisions about the care of a loved one will always be difficult but to have the knowledge of possible options will relieve a great deal of stress for anyone in this circumstance. Over this past week I have taken the time to do a little research and have discovered, much to my surprise, this scary subject is really not as scary as I thought it would be.  There are some very interesting and uplifting lifestyle options available and more on the horizon.

Knowledge is power; it builds confidence and eases fear.

In next week’s article I will share what I have found on this subject but I am hoping to hear from anyone who can contribute to this subject.

v  If you have insights, sources, stories or comments to share on this subject please comment below or email me at deborah@womenintransitiononline.com. I would especially like to hear of any creative solutions that have worked well for anyone!

v  By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)