Life Change – Step Two in Progress!
California here I come!
Time for an update as my personal transformation continues! What next? In a matter of five days I will be in route to ‘my new Life’. As the big day finally approaches everything seems to be occurring in slow motion; the days seem longer and less eventful. The list of ‘MUST DO or DECIDE’ is down to one type written page and I find myself feeling there must be something more I should be doing or that I am forgetting to do. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since the original list was as long as an entire roll of toilet paper! Oddly enough I am uncomfortable with not feeling overwhelmed every day and I have to remind myself that this is the good news. Although this is pretty exciting I must say when Mr. Reese said
“I found that the older I got, as more time passed, the more life itself became overwhelming. I accumulated more stuff, more relationships, more memories, and often more obligations”
he had no idea how very right he was! When A LOT of time has passed it is more difficult to release some of those old but comfortable perspectives, relationships and obligations.
No matter what kind of change or transformation you might be going through there comes a time when the old is gone, the new is unknown and you are in between. Once we have moved through the ‘letting go’ or decision process we find ourselves in the second phase of change; the transitional time – the time between letting go of the old and fully embracing and adapting to the new. It is during this time it is common to feel a little lost, unsure about what to do and what is expected of you. This is unfamiliar territory and nothing feels the same.
Now that I have sold my home, almost all of my belongings and am ready for the big move I am surprised to feel moments of uncertainty and emptiness. (NOW? REALLY?) As a life coach I know that the transitional time of change is an opportunity to evaluate any previous decisions you might have made. I also know that when the change you are going through is a big one, it is easy to get bogged down in the forest and forget about the trees! With that in mind I decided to take a moment to explore these feelings and sort out what has been accomplished.
I started with a list of what I had done focusing on those things that were foreign to me and those I felt I could not control. I then narrowed it down to the 4 items I felt bothered me the most. Very clarifying! With that in hand I went a step further and took one of my favorite coaching tools designed for anyone going through a transition:
What Do I Need To Let Go Of?
- The things we hold onto, bear grudges or perhaps feel angry and hurt about cloud our mind and prevent us from being the best we can be.
- Letting go usually involves some form of forgiveness or acceptance – whether it’s you, someone else, a situation or even an unknown third party. The irony is that whatever you’re holding onto, it’s probably hurting or bothering you much more than it does anyone else.
- Letting go doesn’t mean we condone a situation or behavior; it’s about lightening OUR load. Because when we let go of whatever is bothering us we set ourselves free and get to reclaim that energy for ourselves.
- You don’t need to know HOW to let go, you just need to be WILLING. You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it and change how you feel going forwards.
- And remember – whatever you find it hardest to let go of is probably what you need to let go of the most…
INSTRUCTIONS: While you may not wish to do anything about these right now, just listing what you need to let go of here will raise your level of awareness and you’ll naturally begin to loosen your grip. So, simply list below what you’re holding onto, what slows you down, what riles you up and anything that gets in the way of you being the best you can be…
What do I need to let go of? How I benefit by ‘holding on’ *
- 1. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 2. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 3. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 4. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 5. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 6. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 7. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 8. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 9. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
- 10. ………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………….
Just for a second, imagine letting go of everything on this list. How does it feel? ………………………………
What have I learned about myself from doing this exercise? ………………………………………………………
* If you’re struggling with identifying a benefit (there must be something or you wouldn’t be holding on to it) ask yourself, “What do I gain by keeping hold of this?” Perhaps by holding on to resentments, anger, hurt you don’t need to accept your part in the situation, or perhaps it stops you from feeling how hurt you really were, maybe you get to stay in ‘the right’ or avoid dealing with someone.
TIP: If you need to let go of something YOU’VE done, simply ask, “What do I need to do that will allow me to let this go?” Perhaps you need to make notes in your journal of what you’ve learned, perhaps you need to make some kind of amends, apologize or find a meaningful way to make it up to yourself or someone else. While we can’t change the past, we can make amends and learn from it.
What are my most recent lessons?
- Some of the items on my list I will not be able to completely release but I know they will evolve into something new and different; and that’s okay.
- I want to let go of the feeling I must solve everyone in the families problems. I will always want to help but I do not need to feel like a failure if I choose not to help or I am unable to fix their issue.
- This sounds so silly but I want to come to terms with not OWNING a home! I honestly don’t want the responsibility but it feels and sounds so strange when I say it out loud!
Remember, old habits are hard to unlearn. It’s hard on our human nature to let go of what’s familiar, even when the old might not serve us very well. You might be tempted to rush into the first relationship that comes your way, take a job or start a business that is completely unsuited for you. Whatever change you are going through the transition time is the time for you to sort out the past without recreating the past.
You are capable of so much more than you know!
What’s next? The Big Move!
Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
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