The Best Laid Plans and Habit #3
Couldn’t resist taking this golden opportunity to share a perfect example of the value of Finding Positive Aspects in Negative Occurrences; Habit #3 in the Attitude Adjustment Course. This glowing example was offered by my daughter last week when she went to take her dog for his monthly allergy shot.
FRUSTRATION
With a three year old and several other dogs Alexis normally performs this errand while her daughter is napping and someone can babysit. Thursday she decided to multi task and take the 45 minutes drive to the vet with her daughter and one of her other dogs. As she arrived at her destination there was a note on the door announcing new and reduced office hours and the different locations now available for visits; also a 45 minute drive from her house. This news meant she was not going to be able to accomplish this task this day.
With a packed schedule speckled with errands for her daughter’s birthday celebration on Saturday in addition to her normal duties she was in a word FRUSTRATED. Now there would not be an opportunity to get the dogs shot until sometime next week.
The first thing she did was call me, huffing and puffing and intent on circling the following issues:
1) She had wasted an hour plus of her tightly planned day and accomplished nothing.
2) The new office hours/locations now meant that she would have to carefully plan the visit in the future and loose the flexibility of working this task into her schedule and arriving when the opportunity occurred.
3) She felt her ENTIRE day was now ruined.
I let her rant and rave a bit and then offered her some of my “motherly coach advice” which, just so you know, doesn’t work on family members and least of all daughters.
She would have none of it. She was intent on focusing on the” issues”. The more she spoke the more negative she became about the remainder of her day.
I tried to bring her back to reality using one of the steps in habit #3.
Coach mom: Is there anything you can do to immediately to rectify the situation at this moment?
Frustrated daughter: No, no of course there is nothing I can do. I am furious… the day is ruined and this is way too long of a car trip for Kenzi without a break. She is becoming restless, I put a movie in for her which won’t turn on and now I’ll have to pull over and, and, and, and, (More ranting).
Coach mom: What would be your options?
Frustrated daughter: (Louder) I don’t have any options; this is terrible now this will be even more difficult …. I have spent the whole day on this and accomplished nothing and now I’ll never get the rest of what I need to do… etc. etc. (by the way, the time is 11:00 am in the morning!)
Don’t do this coach thing on me. I am not looking for a solution I am simply venting.
It was at this point I realized that I was not going to be able to get her to look at anything other than the problem and participate in watching it grow exponentially with the length of the conversation.
My options: Listen to her rant and rave and lower my own energy in the process or express how sorry I was to hear her day was not going well and hang up. I chose the latter. (See you can teach old dogs new tricks!)
Was that the end of it? Not quite, she immediately called my mother to rant some more where she received the predictable advice of how she had too many animals and duties and not enough time for them all and the logical solution was to reduce the number of animals, thereby creating more time for her. (Yikes!)
This is fighting language for my animal advocating rescuing daughter whose apparent passion is to find a way to save them all; TODAY, if not sooner!
The outcome; Not as traumatic as it appeared and the options were:
1) Find another vet closer to her home who could administer the monthly shot.
2) Purchase the serum and administer the shot herself, an option offered and tried at the beginning of the treatment which did not work out.
3) Succumb to planning the exact day of the month at the preferred location and show up then.
Of course she came to these options, or at least I think she did. However instead of stopping to look at her options, choosing a course of action, when she would do it, writing it down and letting it go for the rest of the day she left it in her head and it still rears its ugly head in our conversations.
Other bad news; her sour mood continued throughout the day exhausting her. She ultimately took a nap with her daughter and did not accomplish the other 5 errands on her list. The remainder of the weekend… well I think you can imagine, we’ve all been there; my poor baby.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? It certainly does to me. (It’s always easier to see it in someone else!)
The good news is if we set a conscious intention and practice the habit of pivoting out of these incidents we can change the way we react to them when they occur to us.
If you are interested in learning more about the 5 simple habits that can change your life sign up for the 21 Day Attitude Adjustment Course!
P.S. By the way, watch for the upcoming F.R.E.E. Attitude Adjustment Workshop coming soon!
Woman in the News, Ms. Chloe Jon Paul
It gives me great pleasure to share a recent interview with Chloe Jon Paul, author of Entering the Age of Elegance: A Rite of Passage & Practical Guide for the Modern Maturing Woman. What is the age of elegance? I quote from the opening paragraph of her wonderful book:
The Age of Elegance denotes that period of a woman’s life also known as Second Adulthood. Every woman who reaches the age of forty has the opportunity to welcome and embrace the opportunity to move into this time period with style and grace.
While elegance is not restricted to a particular age group since there are many young women who exhibit elegance, it is the older woman who can exemplify what it means to age elegantly
Chloe Jon Paul
Cleverly written as a travel guide this book is full of inspiration, practical advice, useful resources and many precious pearls of wisdom. I highly recommend this entertaining and incredibly useful “guide” to all of us who choose to live fully and passionately with style and grace.
MY INTERVIEW WITH CHLOE:
Chloe Jon Paul
I: What prompted you to write this book?
C: After speaking with many women here and abroad, I discovered that there are many women out there who don’t have a clue as to who they really are at an age when it is so important to have a true identity.
I: What qualifies you to write this kind of book?
C: While I don’t consider myself an “expert”, I feel that I’ve had enough experience in all the areas that I cover in the book that enable me to share lots of valuable information. Additionally, my ability to do the research required is a plus.
I: Is there any one thing in particular that you hope to accomplish through your book?
C: I want to see women defy the myths of aging and embrace this stage of their lives graciously and enthusiastically.
I: Why did you decide to treat it as a “travel guide”?
C: As a seasoned traveler myself, I know the importance of a good travel guide. Since entering the age of elegance is such an important journey, it seemed logical to me to write it in that fashion. While testing out the book’s potential, I got a “thumbs up” from countless women (and men!)
I: What do you say to women who are afraid of getting old?
C: I think that if they read my book, they’ll get all the answers they need. In one section of the book I discuss the ten major fears women have about aging.
I: What do you consider the most important statement you have made in this book?
C: I think it is well-defined in the Epilogue which reads in part:
A wise Indian guru once described humans as being a house with four rooms: the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. He said that we tend to spend most of our time I only one of those rooms and that it would be in our best interests to visit each room daily.
I: Beautifully said. I also like the last paragraph where you wrote:
Remember how we used to refer to the main subjects taught in school as the 3 R’s? Well, now you have another set of 3 R’s to think about: reflect, resolve, and regenerate.
- Reflect on what you have read and develop an action plan.
- Resolve to put your action plan to work immediately and aim for consistency.
- Regenerate into the vibrant, graceful, elegant person you were meant to be.
I: I guess the final question would be; what can you share about your own journey into the Age of Elegance?
C: Do you have another two hours to spare? It has been a fabulous journey for me. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had my share of problems and disappointments. I have learned to visit those four rooms that I talk about in my book daily and it has made all the difference in the world.
I: Well, it certainly has worked for you. After reading all that you have accomplished since the age of 55 in your bio I can honestly say you are truly and inspiration to us all! I want to thank you for taking the time to speak with me.
In addition to this wonderful book Ms. Paul has written an E book, “What Happens Next? A Family Guide to Nursing Home Visits…and More”. For information about her new E book Visit http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/9501
Do you have a great story, we want to hear it! Are you experiencing some delicious success or fulfilling a dream, inspire us! Have you started a new business, tell us about it! SHARE YOUR STORY. Submit your information to Women in the News at http://www.womenintransitiononline.com/deborah-speaks/women-in-the-news/.
I Dared You… how did you do?
Whew, the week has come and gone and I don’t know about you but I found this past week to be full of surprises!
What did I discover? Here are a few answers to my own questions:
- What did you do in lieu of watching TV?
- I mowed the front lawn at 5:30 in the evening. This is definitely unusual!
- I finished a couple of half read books.
- I spent a couple of wonderful evenings with my granddaughter, mom and daughter.
- I took the time to revisit my goals/vision journal and found myself adding to it!
- I actually cooked myself a meal, lit a candle and enjoyed a leisurely glass of wine.
- I used some of my evening time to meditate and breath.
- I listened to some of my favorite inspirational tapes.
- I took the time to dust off and ride my bike with my friend!
- How did you feel?
- Very anxious at first.
- What did you like about it?
- Eventually the incredible awareness of myself and surroundings.
- I did not feel mentally or physically tired or exhausted at night.
- What did you dislike about it?
- I found it very hard to turn off my thoughts to sleep!
- What surprised you about this experience?
- I was very surprised at the amount of “found time” I discovered.
- I was also shocked at the amount of TV I had been watching and how unaware of it I was.
- Do you think it made a difference in your mood or attitude?
- I felt better and had more energy.
- It was not so much that I was happier and more positive, which I was, but more importantly that I was much more in touch with what I was feeling whether it was good or bad.
- And of course… did you cheat?
- Just twice!!!!!
So how did you do? You know you don’t need a challenge to try this experiment. You can start enjoying the sound of your thoughts whenever and as often as you like.
Now for the rest of the story… visit this week’s e-zine. Here is the link to the page http://www.womenintransitiononline.com/current-issue
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March 4th IS PLEDGE DAY!
Take the Challenge!
Are you going to join me? Pledge to not watch TV for 7 DAYS, or whatever you think you can manage! I am posting this today thinking most of you probably won’t read this until tomorrow sometime. I have received a couple of emails with some pertinent questions and suggestions surrounding this event and I will share them with you below:
Suggestion: A couple of you felt a better start date, with the weekend approaching, would be Monday.
I agree, and really, you should start your pledge on whatever day you think will work best for you! For me the weekend is the time when I typically am out and about a lot I and watch the least amount of TV. If you think it would be easiest to give up TV during the week this, is what you should do!
Question: A couple more of you felt a week might be a little aggressive and wondered if committing to less time to start would be advisable.
Again, Good Point! I have done this before on a couple of occasions so I guess I am less apprehensive. You should all do whatever feels right for you. I can tell you it does help to have a partner or friend to share the experience with. The one thing I noticed on the two occasions I have done this is the amazing amount of found time I had and the quandary of what to do with it all.
Whatever you do, I hope you will share your experience, as I will, in the comment section at the end of this post. Every time I do this I swear I am not going to watch TV EVER Again!! But like all bad habits; it’s so easy to fall back into them so refresher courses are great! I have found that I fall back into the bad habit when I feel the need to watch something positive, like the Olympics, or something I feel is very important, like the President, Republicans and Democrats purposing to discuss health care… that’s not really what I saw but it was an interesting experiment in human behavior, or misbehavior!!!! But I try not to discuss politics or religion. My motto, to each his own!
Anyway, when I do indulge in something I think is positive, I find, via commercials, I get plenty of negative messages in the process!!! But like kicking any bad habit; if you fall off simply start again. Eventually you will find less of a need for a refresher course and you will be ready to sell your TV!!!!!!
If you want to publicly commit, sign up in the comment section at the end of this post or feel free to email me at deborah@womenintransitiononline.com.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BEST OF LUCK TO US ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. If you missed the previous post about this event and need further instruction, scroll down to the I Dare You…dont listen post.
Woman in the News, Ms. Peggy Kligman
It’s never too early or too late to live your dreams…
I am so pleased to have the opportunity to share Ms. Peggy Kligman’s inspirational story. So often when I ask women, particularly in this economy, if they love their life and what they are doing they say “I don’t like it but what else would I do? I’ve done fill in the blank forever.” Here’s a beautiful example of Getting Your Year in Gear, (excuse the shameless self promotion). Through her experience of overcoming Ms. Kligman has found a very unique and FUN way to help other women.
Here’s her story from her website:
Grandma Pandoshus aka Peggy Kligman is the creator of the Goat Game.
After three failed marriages and several dysfunctional (and sometimes abusive) relationships, Peggy Kligman aka “Grandma Pandoshus” was desperately in need of dating rehab. In 2004, after proclaiming … “no more relationships for me”… Peggy took a break from relationships to resolve her past by inventing the Goat Game. “It’s fun and playful and it worked for me. Through the goat characters (similar to human behavior) I was able to recognize why I exhibited self-destructive behaviors and made poor choices. As a result of this awakening, today I am able to enjoy a healthy and loving relationship.”
Once Peggy broke free from her past of heartaches, she soon thereafter embarked on her newly discovered joyful single lifestyle. She announced, “If this game can help someone like me, then I must share it with others in need of dating rehab.” Subsequent to test-marketing the game throughout the Texas region while exhibiting her game at counselor’s conventions, Peggy was delighted to discover others were quickly recognizing the benefits of the Goat Game. Now, Peggy has launched her game online so that everyone can play and it’s free! (www.thegoatgame.com)
Peggy goes by the moniker Grandma Pandoshus. When asked why she goes by the name “Pandoshus”, she responds, “My grandmother Doshie was a shining light during my dreadfully dark past! She was a woman of strength who prevailed from a baaad marriage by leaving her abusive husband and, with her integrity intact, single-handedly reared five happy and well adjusted children. Imagine her courage especially during the early 1900s!” She adds, “Pan—the playful half-man half-goat mythology character—along with the derivative of my grandmother Doshie is why I chose Pandoshus as the voice of the Goat Game.”
Peggy is also a motivational speaker and the author of “Wisdom2Win”, an empowerment handbook which guides the reader on how to stop the whining and be the winner. She lives in the El Paso, Texas region and speaks to audiences on the subject matter of empowering oneself to live to their fullest potential. She facilitates Goat Game Gatherings to singles’ groups throughout the nation. To learn more about Peggy, visit www.wisdom2win.com. To play the Goat Game online or to purchase your own game, visit: www.thegoatgame.com
- Do you have a great story, we want to hear it! Are you experiencing some delicious success or fulfilling a dream, inspire us! Have you started a new business, tell us about it! SHARE YOUR STORY. Submit your information to Women in the News at http://www.womenintransitiononline.com/deborah-speaks/women-in-the-news/.
- P.S. Speaking of improving your life and attitude, don’t forget to take the Don’t Listen Dare!!! It starts on Thursday. Scroll down to the ”I Dare You…don’t listen” post below and sign up today.
Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
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