How to relieve stress and achieve your goals, Part I
I just read the Sunday newspaper for the first time in months! As I sipped on my coffee and turned the pages I could literally feel my mood and energy level diminishing. Even though I try to keep my exposure to the media at a minimum I still manage to see and hear more than enough to be aware of the number of challenges we all face. It was quite a shock to experience what I felt as I read page after page of problems, doom and gloom! The worst part it all was the hopeless feeling of being unable to change anything I read about. These are challenging times we are living and the resulting stress can be mentally and physically detrimental to our lives. As our society moves faster and faster it seems we are less likely to be in a supportive atmosphere at the very time we need it the most.
Think about this list on a few of the generally agreed upon health problems stress is believed to be related to:
· Lack of sleep, energy and concentration
· Anxiety, neck and back pain
· Quick tempers and a lack of tolerance for even minor upsets
· Headaches, mood swings, anger, sadness and even depression
· Autoimmune diseases
· Eating too much, too little and usually the wrong things
· There is research lately that links stomach bloating to stress
Clearly relaxation and relieving stress would be extremely beneficial not only for our health but also for our happiness. Surely most of us will agree feeling tired, depressed and full of anxiety is not conducive to finding happiness or achieving our dreams and goals. It doesn’t sound like a state of mind that would be beneficial to creativity either! Since I am not immune to these feelings I set about discovering ways to alleviate these thoughts so I could be in a better position to find and do the things that are important to me. I started with my two pearls of wisdom in my mind:
· The one person I know I can change is me.
· If you look for something long enough and hard enough you will find it. So why not look for something good.
I looked long and hard and I found what I think are some really helpful and powerful tools. I hope you find them useful as well!! The first, below, is for relaxation. Maybe it’s because I live in the desert but I find the sound of rain can put me in a peaceful mood quicker than anything. The video below is a full uninterrupted ten minutes of it. Ahhhhhhh.
Secondly, I’d like to share an outstanding booklet written by Doc Childre, founder of HeartMath, a leading stress research institute. De-Stress Kit for the Changing Times is compassionately written and provides a number of simple practices to help anyone who is experiencing an emotionally challenging time. Register for a site account, if you don’t already have one, and download a PDF of this 15 page booklet for F.R.E.E. I found this to be the kind of inspirational tool I know I will refer back to on those occasions when I find myself feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. It really is good. I read my copy while listening to the rain!!!
I hope you find this information as helpful as I do and will check back next week for Part II of this article. I will share with you a VERY interesting tool I found to help you visualize and achieve your goals!!
Until then….
Warmest regards,
Deborah
Do You Feel Beautiful?
If you have been reading my blog you know that I am in the process of creating an exciting new feature that I will be adding in August, “You’re Beautiful”. The idea came to me not only from my own feelings of frustration at never seeing all the millions of beautiful, growing, creative wise women of a certain age acknowledged in the media but also as a result of comments I observed from like minded women on forums I visited about this subject.
I would like to thank the many of you who have submitted your wonderful photos and biographies. You are indeed beautiful and diverse and I can’t wait to share your stories and pearls of wisdom on my blog.
This new feature promises to be far more inspiring than I had imagined!
Back to my question, do you feel beautiful? I have a confession to make; I am elated and excited to see the beautiful photos and stories I have received but I am a little surprised there have not been more. I had hoped to quickly grow this feature into a weekly edition and eventually to have a separate page devoted to the photos and stories of the beautiful women of a certain age! I began to think I might have misnamed the feature.
Could it be, even though I think all women of a certain age are beautiful, this is not what the majority of us feel? So then I asked myself; if we don’t feel beautiful, what standards are we applying and where did we get these standards from?
Throughout history beauty has been a function of culture. Let me share a few of the bizarre and painful rituals women have subjected themselves to in the name of beauty I discovered in a fascinating article, What is Beautiful? A Brief Look Through History, on webmd.com:
· Foot binding in ancient China was practiced until it was outlawed in the 20th century. It involved breaking the toes at an early age and folding them under and back towards the heel of the foot. The feet were bound tighter and tighter over time to stunt the growth of the foot. Often times the arch of the foot was broken to create an even higher arch. The ideal foot size was 3 – 4 inches! OUCH!!
· In the Elizabethan era high foreheads were considered beautiful so women plucked and shaved their foreheads to achieve this ideal. To further enhance the look a lead based makeup called ceruse was applied which, as you might imagine, caused a number of medical complications including disfigurement from scarring.
· How about corseting which was popular from the 14th to 19thcentury. These contraptions were made from whalebone on a steel frame. Women would synch themselves so tightly they would often faint.
These are just a few of the things women have done through the ages simply because it was considered to be the standard for beauty. I must say I found this article quite fascinating and it made me look at this beauty thing from a different perspective!
I am not saying we should not be concerned about our looks. This is all part of being a woman and a human being. But it does bring me back to my question. Do you feel beautiful and what is your version or ideal of beauty?
For me Katherine Hepburn comes to mind. She was unapologetic in her lifestyle, looks and personality. Confident in who she was and comfortable in her own skin; she had her own version of beauty and remained true to it until the end. She took good care of herself mentally and physically and it showed. She carried herself with grace, style and self assurance. To me this is beauty, enviable and qualities I would aspire to adopt.
So in hopes of discovering your thoughts on this subject I created a SHORT little survey (only 4 questions) on the subject. Surely you are as curious to know what other women of a certain age think about this subject as I am. It will only take a minute and you can view the results immediately. To participate click on the link below or the new ”Survey Fun” link at the top of the page!
http://www.womenintransitiononline.com/survey-fun/
v So what’s your ideal of beauty? Share your comments and thoughts. If you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on del.icio.us or email it to your friends! Your support is appreciated!
v Don’t forget to submit your photo and story. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL and you deserve to be recognized! It’s easy, its fun so go to the You’re Beautiful submission page and submit today!
Excavating Your Dream
Is your dream machine stuck in a holding pattern? If you’ve been living on auto pilot; moving through one circumstance to another and doing what you thought you should or had to do, you might want to spend a little time and effort on changing your routine . Ruts, isolation and repetitive lifestyle patterns are dream killers. If you do this long enough you become stuck on auto pilot and might not remember how to fly the plane on your own!
Remember the old saying old habits die hard? That may be true but it doesn’t mean you can’t change them. This is the effort part of the deal but it is actually fun once you get started. You need to remember it’s not enough to just think about it, YOU HAVE TO DO IT. If you continue on the same path it will absolutely lead you to the same place! Be brave and step outside the box. Here are some ideas to get you going; once you start I’m sure you will have your own good ideas. Don’t be stingy, share them with us.
1. Do something different. Actually, make that anything different and completely out of the norm for you. Try to think of something that is fun and a little bit, or a lot, of a risk for you. Here are some basic starter ideas.
1) Have a hen, (girlfriend) party and paint henna tattoos on each other. You can buy kits that come with stencils. It’s fun and it isn’t permanent.
2) Hmmm, if you’re really feeling brave you could get a real tattoo! A little something to celebrate finding your dream.
3) Decorate your bike. Get a funky bell for your bike and clothespin a playing card to the spokes of the wheel. Remember that joyous noise and feeling when you were little?
4) Fly a kite behind your bike. Don’t have a bike? Rent one.
5) Go to the book store and find a book about what interests you; a place you want to visit or live. Then make a collage about it or create a story with stick figures of your visit or move.
6) Get a tarot card reading!
7) Find a piece of old furniture that appeals to you or purchase something unfinished and paint it with wild colors and designs.
8) Take up calligraphy.
9) Take a short day trip and wander the shops and sites.
10) Buy and learn to play an exotic instrument. Maybe a washboard, harmonica or small drum.
2. Stop comparing. I think this is biggest detriment to being happy and creative and it is so engrained in our society. Learn to appreciate yourself and discover your unique talents. We all have them. Be your own person and stop thinking about what anyone might think of you or your ideas. We are not meant to all be the same. How boring would that be?
3. Find supportive friends. Seek out those people in your life that are supportive and applaud your ideas. Enthusiasm, creativity and positive attitudes are contagious. That is exactly what mastermind groups are about. Attend one of these groups and you will come away inspired and filled with new momentum. Why not create a group of friends that are also trying to find or achieve their dream. Try meeting once a month to brainstorm and come up with ideas on how to explore and help each achieve your dreams and goals!
4. Learn to be a little selfish. This could be the hardest change to make. As women we are so accustomed to taking care of others first and it does not serve us or anyone else well. If we are not happy, vibrant, fulfilled, growing and confident we have very little to offer anyone else. Get used to this and voraciously guard your “me time”. This is important. If you find resistance from those close to you in the beginning, persist. They will thank you in the end. When your life feels better, theirs will too. It really is a win-win situation.
“The Important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are;
For what we could become”
- CHARLES DUBOIS
At the risk of sounding like a broken record…. Time is precious. Women today will live healthier and longer than ever before. It’s exciting, exhilarating and a little frightening to be blessed at this time of unparalleled opportunity for women to craft a life we love. Take a little risk and get those creative juices flowing again.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover”
– MARK TWAIN
v If you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on del.icio.us or email it to a friend. Your support is appreciated!
v DON’T FORGET to submit your photo and bio for the upcoming “You’re Beautiful” feature. Click on the link at the top of the page for details!
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?
I believe the essence of life is to have a dream or a goal. Actively pursuing something of importance is the very thing that will make you feel alive, young, stimulated and happy. A person without a dream or a goal is OLD, whether you are 20 or 100 years old. I’m not talking about goals to sell more houses or achieve a higher position in the company you work for. These aspirations are wonderful and certainly have a place in our lives but I’m talking about “heart dreams.” That something that feels right when you are doing it; something you would do simply for the love of it if you could.
Maybe it’s working with animals, writing and publishing a children’s book or the poems you love to write. Maybe it’s building a shelter, changing a law, teaching horseback riding to children, creating the perfect secret garden in your back yard, or turning your love of gardening into a full or part time job. Maybe it’s taking a loved one or yourself to the homeland of your parents or to live on the water on a boat.
We have become so accustomed to society telling us what to expect and want. We have been cautioned to plan, be realistic and careful and somewhere along the way we may have lost a viable dream. When I ask friends what their dreams are for the most part their answers are surprisingly vague. Instead of hearing passion I hear resignation and what they believe to be realistic and achievable. When I ask what it is they love, the conversation is entirely different. That is when I see and hear passion. The more they talk of what they love the more animated and enthusiastic they become.
When I ask what happened to these dreams and why they haven’t acted on them there is always a “but”. I love animals but you can’t make money working with animals unless you are a vet. I love the water but… I love to travel but… I love to cook but… When you allow yourself to dream and leave the “but” out of it amazing possibilities will surface.
“To reach a port, we must sail – sail, not tie at anchor – sail, not drift.”
– FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT
Here are some tips on untying the anchor:
1. The first and most important part, know what you want. I think it helps to brainstorm with a supportive friend. Whether you brainstorm with someone or alone, remember, your dreams don’t have to be realistic. Brainstorming is about letting your ideas and passions flow.
2. Once you have uncovered your dream or passion, begin to research it. Look for articles, schools and books on the subject. Make contact with someone who is doing what you love. Volunteer in your spare time. When you immerse yourself in what you love, doors will open and people to help you will appear.
3. Remember, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You may find variations of your dream that are satisfying and you might find yourself moving in more than one direction. Stay open.
4. It’s the journey that is the most satisfying. Have you noticed the people you know who are the happiest and most positive are the ones who love what they do? Keep your momentum going and track your goals and progress; your plan and dream will evolve.
Here are some inspiring examples of people I have known or read about that dared to find their passion;
· I knew a woman who took tango lessons. She found she loved it and it became a passion. She became really good at it and found a dance partner, built a tango pavilion in her back yard and amassed a group of tango dancing friends in Europe and all across the country. When I spoke to her thereafter she was enviably alive, young, interesting and interested.
· I read the story about Nola Ochs on MSNBC who graduated from college with her granddaughter at the tender age of 95.
· Or perhaps you remember watching the 2008 Heroes awards program. I was inspired when I watched it and found reading their stories online again even more motivating.
Time is our most precious commodity. Find your passion.
“Don’t do nothing because you can’t do everything. Do something. Anything.”
Colleen Patrick-Goudreau
v Share your comments and thoughts! If you enjoyed this article! don’t forget to bookmark it on del.icio.us. or email it to your friends. Your support is appreciated
Happy Fourth of July!
Time to celebrate the birth of our nation
A time for picnics, fireworks and barbeque
When we stop, take a breath
Spend some quality time with friends and family
And appreciate the freedom
To live life on our own terms
ENJOY
Have a beautiful day
Warmest regards,
Deborah Hayes
Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
480-656-2026
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com