THE BIG BLACK HAT…
Yesterday I went shopping with my daughter. Her husband’s boss will be in town and she needed something to wear when they go out to dinner. The call to shop came on short notice and for this kind of excursion it is imperative to have someone entertain the baby, a curious two year old, while she shops so I agreed to go. I had on a comfortable black wrinkle peasant skirt and a safe black t-shirt. I threw on some flip flops and we were off.
While Alexis was in the dressing room Mackenzie, who shares my love of hats, and I noticed a very attractive woman of a certain age trying on an enormous chic black sun hat. When she tossed it into her cart and left we sauntered over to the display to give them a try. I immediately grabbed one of the big black hats and tried it on for her to see. Kenzi was as intrigued as I was and pointed to the one in her current favorite color, pink. (Why did I not have my camera?) For a brief moment, as I held the hat and tried it on, I remembered when I too would have nonchalantly thrown this in my cart; just trying it on made me feel different, sexy and intriguing. This thought was immediately buffered by “where in the world would I wear this hat? In my back yard which is where I swim?” The moment of contemplation was broken as Alexis exited the dressing room. We spent a few more minutes looking and then headed for the check out.
The Big Black Hat
Interestingly enough the very chic woman of a certain age was in line in front of us. Behind us was another mother daughter team and the girl caught the stylish woman’s eye and said, “Aren’t you ____’s mother?” Yes she was and a very brief greeting occurred, a short discussion on the fabulous hat and the woman, whose demeanor suggested she was a little confused about the interest on the hat, continued on to the cash register. It was so clear she knew who she was, she knew her style and now it was just a matter of picking up things to maintain it. As she paid for her purchases I could barely hear the woman’s mother behind me ask in a hushed voice, “who is that?” Try as I might I couldn’t hear much more than rumblings but I too wondered who this stylish woman was.
I couldn’t resist the temptation as I discreetly peeked behind me to notice the woman who had asked the same question I had thought. She was not unattractive but like me, there was little or no thought above comfort given to her costume. Of course I did not continue to stare at the woman but I knew we were both scrutinizing this chic woman as she paid.
She had very blonde hair that was slicked back in a small pony tail. She wore rust colored linen walking shorts and a matching top. Her large chandelier earrings, (a set of three wooden circles; brown, rust and olive green) complimented and worked perfectly with her outfit. She had on plain cork wedge sandals. Her trendy woven blanket tote was the perfect final touch to the ensemble. She looked artsy in a classic sort of way and had that put together look that said she hadn’t tried, it just happened.
As we watched her pay I could feel us both shriveling and experiencing the same unspoken epiphany. Why didn’t I take just a moment to put on a trendy bracelet and earrings to compliment my outfit and perhaps something, anything more interesting than rubber flip flops on my feet? Our body languages spoke volumes. Looking at her made us both feel old, unimaginative, uninteresting and unimportant.
When I arrived home and set about my work I couldn’t quite shake the feeling. I wondered about my tendancy lately to pay less attention to how I looked. I noticed how I had unknowingly fallen into the “well I’m only going to the fill in the blank” syndrome so why bother. So I asked myself the question again, where would I wear that hat? I swim at home and no one would see me in it anyway. The answer slowly surfaced. I would see me. More importantly I would FEEL me. I would feel beautiful, special and stylish in it. Clearly, from the way I felt for those five minutes or so, taking the time and effort to feel I’m important enough look good for me is a big part of my self esteem. It really wasn’t about the stylish woman who may or may not look like that every time she shops but it was about me and how important it is for me to look good for me.
So this morning I went back to that store and bought the sexy black hat. As I wandered through the store with a fresh attitude and eye, I saw another woman and her girlfriend, both safely, unimaginatively and comfortably dressed, remark to her friend as she gingerly carried the hat with her, “are you sure I won’t look silly?” And then I remembered the stunning woman and how unaware, confident and comfortable she was with her look as she conscientiously went about acquiring the things she knew she wanted to maintain her “SELF” in a style she felt fabulous in. She had been unaware and uninterested in what anyone else thought.
Nourishing yourself on the inside and outside are surprisingly connected and an important part of our self esteem and who we are. It sounds too simple to be true but when you feel you look good you act differently. If you feel shabby and plain you will act that way and others will feel that way about you too. It’s a great way to become and feel invisible.
What an important lesson the big black hat taught me. If I didn’t think I would be arrested for loitering, I would love to spend an afternoon quietly watching and listening to all the women who visit the big black hat display in that store!
I am officially placing neglecting to create, maintain and respect your personal sense of style on the list of things that can make a woman feel, look and act old.
v What do you feel makes a woman feel, look and act old? Share your comments and ideas in the comments section and if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
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Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
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