How to Transform a Bad Day into a Better Day!
Last week I ran into several friends who were going through challenging times and feeling blue. We all have our days and those certain times in our lives that can feel like a struggle. We may not be able to quickly change the circumstance but we can most certainly change how we react to it. Sitting around thinking about how awful everything is will only make you feel worse. The quicker you change your frame of mind, the quicker your life will change direction.
It's a beautiful day!
Break the pattern. Have you ever noticed when you’re depressed your life shrinks down to a series of mundane tasks? Most people I know stop doing anything but what is absolutely necessary to get through the day which only creates more time to think about what is depressing them. Here are 6 ideas to break the pattern and start feeling better fast:
1. Change your normal pattern first thing in the morning. If you normally listen to TV in the morning, turn on your favorite uplifting music. If you normally listen to music try something with a different beat or style.
2. Exercise first thing in the morning even if you only have five or ten minutes; walk, stretch, dance or dust off one of your forgotten exercise videos.
3. Dream. While you have your coffee or morning drink take a sheet of paper and write down what your ideal life would look like. Then make a list of things you can do to move toward that goal. If it’s a new career, plan to research a school or course around it. If it’s a new location, get on the internet and research the Chamber of Commerce in the area and discover more about it. Make a plan to find out more about whatever it is you dream of doing. Each day make plan to do more toward achieving your goal or dream. Keep a notebook on your research and progress.
4. What are you reading? Plan a trip to the book store and find something to read that inspires and absorbs you. What you put in your mind is what comes out in your life.
5. Laugh. Remember a funny incident that always makes you laugh and write it down. Scan through your emails and find some of those funny videos your friends have sent you. Make a funny video of your pet and keep it handy. I taped my dog’s “we’re going on a walk” dance. It never ceases to amaze me how she can be that excited over the same thing every single day. It is the physical definition of glee and the dance and vocals span my entire house.
6. Pull out a video or photos of your favorite memory, Christmas, a reunion or whatever makes you feel good. Take your photos with you and look at them throughout your day. When you are remembering something happy and pleasant, it’s impossible to be sad at the same time.
Misery loves company. Surround yourself with positive people and vow not to talk about your issue while you’re with them. Positive energy is contagious. Catch some now and don’t wash your hands after you touch it!
To get you started, here are some of my favorite inspiring quotes, enjoy:
“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens; not by what life brings us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst a spark that creates extraordinary results.”
– UNKNOWN
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
- CHINESE SAYING
“The beginning is always today.”
– MARY WOLLSTONECROFT
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
– HENRY DAVID THOREAU
“The best way you can cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up”
- MARK TWAIN
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover”
– MARK TWAIN
“Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!”
- ANONYMOUS
The best thing about being a woman, is the prerogative to have a little fun!”
– SHANIA TWAIN
“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”
– MAE WEST
“Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.”
– JIM ROHN
“A good laugh is sunshine in a house.”
– WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”
– GOETHE
“I am not afraid of storms, I am learning to sail my own ship.”
– LOUISE MAY ALCOTT
v Do you have any favorite inspirational quotes? Share them with us; you can never have too much inspiration! If you enjoyed this article don’t forget to bookmark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!
As a woman of a certain age:
Do you feel invisible? Do you feel a lack of realistic and inspiring examples of “someone just like you?” Do you feel this affects your self esteem and how you feel about yourself?
I do. This was part of the inspiration for Women in Transition Online. I grew tired and frustrated opening magazine after magazine to find articles and stories of beautiful women transitioning from powerful positions, marriages and careers and looking at pictures of models in wrinkle cream advertisements that were likely the age of my daughter. The stories were interesting but never seeing an article, story or news clip about anyone who even remotely resembled me left me feeling even more invisible and anything but inspired. Where were the real women?
What has come to inspire me is the realization of just how many strong, growing, fabulous, creative women of a certain age there are in this world. We are “the woman next door”; we’ve held jobs that have provided for ourselves and families and we have survived innumerable circumstances. We have sent children to college. We have watched them leave and return, often times bringing beautiful grandchildren with them. Some of us are retired, some of us still work and some of us are fulfilling our dreams; starting businesses, volunteering, making a difference for something we care deeply about or simply enjoying the rewards of the seeds we’ve sewn. We are diverse, we have done remarkable things, and we have inspiring uplifting stories to tell and priceless pearls of wisdom to share. We are a powerful unseen force and we are beautiful. (Whew!)
Wouldn’t it be a pleasure to see these women and hear their stories? I would like to honor the wisdom, sample the sage insights and share in the humor that only a woman of a certain age knows.
SHARE YOUR STORY
I am delighted to invite you to submit your photo and short bio for a new feature I’m introducing on Women in Transition Online. Each month we will see and read about a beautiful woman of a certain age in a special post: “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL”. Think about including what you have accomplished, what’s important to you, what you are doing and what your dream or goal is. Tell us what you like: your favorite movie, book and the quote that inspires you. Have fun with this and share whatever you’re comfortable with but most importantly don’t forget to share your pearl of wisdom:
The one thing you have learned that motivates you through a difficult time.
1. Your story should be approximately 300-600 words in length. Please include your name, address and daytime telephone number and an email address where you would prefer to be contacted.
2. Your high resolution digital photo should be about 4 x 6 inches minimum with a resolution of 300 dots per inch (dpi). Email your photos as jpegs.
3. Your story and photo may be held for consideration but you will absolutely be notified before it is published.
4. By submitting your material you grant Women in Transition Online, LLC a non-exclusive royalty-free irrevocable right to use, distribute and display the material in whole or in part in any and all media. By submitting your material you declare that you are the sole owner and author of the material and own 100% of all copyrights pertaining to the material.
Email your material to Women in Transition Online, LLC at deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
It’s that simple! You’re beautiful and you deserve to be recognized. Send your submission today.
Warmest regards,
Deborah Hayes
More Lessons from The Big Black Hat…
Ok, so now I own a Big Black Hat. It actually looks pretty good on my wall, something I hadn’t anticipated when I purchased it. Aside from the decorating advantage, I also find looking at it reminds me to take some care and thought about what I wear regardless of where I’m going. Not that I’m going to get all dressed up to go to the grocery store but a cuter sandal, fun bracelet or more interesting casual earring are not so much trouble and I honestly do feel better for it. It seems to be a sister or cousin to the organized clean house thing and the simple but not so subtle effect on the self esteem.
But the black hat kind of got me thinking and remembering. It brought back memories of the little upscale boutique I opened in the arts district here in Scottsdale when I first moved here. I have always loved hats and used to collect them so one of the things I carried in the store, just for the fun of it, was hats. Not too many but the ones I offered were very flamboyant. I sold a few of them and scattered a few from my “private collection” for ambiance. One of the hats, an outrageous red feather hat, became quite a conversation piece and an interesting ice breaker for the women who came into my store.
The Red Hat
I had strategically placed this hat in a cozy out of the way corner next to a huge antique looking footed mirror. There were very few women who could resist trying it on. Oddly it became a constant source of entertainment for me as well as my customers. Some would be boisterous about it and prance around the store modeling and laughing, so much laughter. I was treated to jokes and hilarious fictitious scenarios about the hat. It usually created a hat trying frenzy and in the course of their visit all of my hats would be sampled.
Even more interesting was the effect it had on the shy quiet women who would come in clearly wanting to be left alone if not invisible. Generally she would be conservatively dressed, eyes never meeting mine and painfully quiet. Arms tense and hands tightly grasping her purse her body language screamed; don’t talk to me, don’t watch or look at me, leave me alone. The hat’s effect on this type of woman was truly fascinating. It was like watching a feral cat eye food in a trap who ultimately succumbs after a long cautious wait and thought process. (Please note: no cats were harmed in this example. All were neuter and returned to their territory.) This woman would slowly make her way through the store carefully touching the clothes here and there as if they might jump off the hanger at her. Then it would happen, she would see the hat. Her body would freeze as she gazed up at the hat and a private inner conversation would occur. After a minute or so, as if suddenly afraid someone might mistake her gaze for interest, she would catch herself and return to her previous demeanor while carefully looking around to see if anyone noticed. The saunter would resume with a number of visits back to the hat. At this point I would casually make a funny comment about the hat and assure her that it was not for sale, from my private collection and take it down for her to have a touch. From there a curtain would begin to open. I would tell her how everyone loved to try it on, just for the fun, and she would dutifully hold it in her hands eyeing it curiously.
It was at this point I would pretend the need to take care of something up front and leave her holding the hat, in front of the big antique looking mirror, all by herself. This is when the real magic would begin. I would secretly watch as her body would begin to communicate a myriad of things from somewhere deep within her. Tentative at first, then relaxing into the moment as she put it on and slowly, ever so slowly her body would change. The head would rise in a perfect snooty tilt, then a side view and then a touch. Then another slight adjustment and her face would tell a tale of who might be hidden inside. It would generally last for a couple of minutes and the curtain would fall. Her body would resume its closed stance and usually this type of person would say thank you as she hurried out the door as if caught in an unguarded forbidden moment. On occasion it created hesitant conversation but a more relaxed and comfortable demeanor that would allow for further, if not cautious exploration. Clearly my store was not the place for the conservative at heart but it was always fun to see this type of person take a moment to step out of her comfort zone into a world of other possibilities and parts of herself she had either forgotton or had yet to explore.
I had purchased the hat to sell but once I realized the power of this hat it quickly became a part of my private collection. As they say, price of the hat $200.00, the feelings it elicited, priceless. Although I no longer collect hats, as all previous serious hat collectors do, I saved a few I could not bear to part with. Somewhere in time they all wound up in the top of an unused closet waiting for that magical day when my granddaughter will reach the age for dress up. I’m definitely going to shine here and can’t wait for the pleasant hours we will spend together playing in this special place. Along with the hats are long beaded gowns, boas, shawls, gaudy jewelry and more!
Yet another lesson and a priceless memory from the Big Black Hat… Now I am planning to have a little hen party, as we used to call them in Texas. It’s been years since I have done this and I recall how much I and everyone used to enjoy it. This is a gathering where personas are left at the door and we, as nothing more than women, commune and celebrate that mystical undefinable thing that is loosly known as the feminine mystic that we all share. I plan to purchase a couple of hat racks and strategically place a few hats and mirrors around my rooms. I’m betting that somewhere in the day guards will be dropped and we will find ourselves sharing in a rejuvenating feminine ritual.
Yes it definitely might be time for a big girl hen party and perhaps it’s time to bring the hats out of storage. Now that I am a woman of a certain age, what I at one time viewed as an amusing oddity, somehow seems to have a much deeper meaning.
v Share your comments, thoughts or experiences on the subject in the comments section. If you enjoyed this article please don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
THE BIG BLACK HAT…
Yesterday I went shopping with my daughter. Her husband’s boss will be in town and she needed something to wear when they go out to dinner. The call to shop came on short notice and for this kind of excursion it is imperative to have someone entertain the baby, a curious two year old, while she shops so I agreed to go. I had on a comfortable black wrinkle peasant skirt and a safe black t-shirt. I threw on some flip flops and we were off.
While Alexis was in the dressing room Mackenzie, who shares my love of hats, and I noticed a very attractive woman of a certain age trying on an enormous chic black sun hat. When she tossed it into her cart and left we sauntered over to the display to give them a try. I immediately grabbed one of the big black hats and tried it on for her to see. Kenzi was as intrigued as I was and pointed to the one in her current favorite color, pink. (Why did I not have my camera?) For a brief moment, as I held the hat and tried it on, I remembered when I too would have nonchalantly thrown this in my cart; just trying it on made me feel different, sexy and intriguing. This thought was immediately buffered by “where in the world would I wear this hat? In my back yard which is where I swim?” The moment of contemplation was broken as Alexis exited the dressing room. We spent a few more minutes looking and then headed for the check out.
The Big Black Hat
Interestingly enough the very chic woman of a certain age was in line in front of us. Behind us was another mother daughter team and the girl caught the stylish woman’s eye and said, “Aren’t you ____’s mother?” Yes she was and a very brief greeting occurred, a short discussion on the fabulous hat and the woman, whose demeanor suggested she was a little confused about the interest on the hat, continued on to the cash register. It was so clear she knew who she was, she knew her style and now it was just a matter of picking up things to maintain it. As she paid for her purchases I could barely hear the woman’s mother behind me ask in a hushed voice, “who is that?” Try as I might I couldn’t hear much more than rumblings but I too wondered who this stylish woman was.
I couldn’t resist the temptation as I discreetly peeked behind me to notice the woman who had asked the same question I had thought. She was not unattractive but like me, there was little or no thought above comfort given to her costume. Of course I did not continue to stare at the woman but I knew we were both scrutinizing this chic woman as she paid.
She had very blonde hair that was slicked back in a small pony tail. She wore rust colored linen walking shorts and a matching top. Her large chandelier earrings, (a set of three wooden circles; brown, rust and olive green) complimented and worked perfectly with her outfit. She had on plain cork wedge sandals. Her trendy woven blanket tote was the perfect final touch to the ensemble. She looked artsy in a classic sort of way and had that put together look that said she hadn’t tried, it just happened.
As we watched her pay I could feel us both shriveling and experiencing the same unspoken epiphany. Why didn’t I take just a moment to put on a trendy bracelet and earrings to compliment my outfit and perhaps something, anything more interesting than rubber flip flops on my feet? Our body languages spoke volumes. Looking at her made us both feel old, unimaginative, uninteresting and unimportant.
When I arrived home and set about my work I couldn’t quite shake the feeling. I wondered about my tendancy lately to pay less attention to how I looked. I noticed how I had unknowingly fallen into the “well I’m only going to the fill in the blank” syndrome so why bother. So I asked myself the question again, where would I wear that hat? I swim at home and no one would see me in it anyway. The answer slowly surfaced. I would see me. More importantly I would FEEL me. I would feel beautiful, special and stylish in it. Clearly, from the way I felt for those five minutes or so, taking the time and effort to feel I’m important enough look good for me is a big part of my self esteem. It really wasn’t about the stylish woman who may or may not look like that every time she shops but it was about me and how important it is for me to look good for me.
So this morning I went back to that store and bought the sexy black hat. As I wandered through the store with a fresh attitude and eye, I saw another woman and her girlfriend, both safely, unimaginatively and comfortably dressed, remark to her friend as she gingerly carried the hat with her, “are you sure I won’t look silly?” And then I remembered the stunning woman and how unaware, confident and comfortable she was with her look as she conscientiously went about acquiring the things she knew she wanted to maintain her “SELF” in a style she felt fabulous in. She had been unaware and uninterested in what anyone else thought.
Nourishing yourself on the inside and outside are surprisingly connected and an important part of our self esteem and who we are. It sounds too simple to be true but when you feel you look good you act differently. If you feel shabby and plain you will act that way and others will feel that way about you too. It’s a great way to become and feel invisible.
What an important lesson the big black hat taught me. If I didn’t think I would be arrested for loitering, I would love to spend an afternoon quietly watching and listening to all the women who visit the big black hat display in that store!
I am officially placing neglecting to create, maintain and respect your personal sense of style on the list of things that can make a woman feel, look and act old.
v What do you feel makes a woman feel, look and act old? Share your comments and ideas in the comments section and if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
6 Simple Recovery Steps for Serial Clutter Convicts
Hello, I’m Deborah and I’m a serial clutter-er. I know. I know. It’s not really a word but in my world it is. I don’t have mountains of newspapers, I don’t lurk in alleys looking to bring home more “stuff” and I can open and close my doors and drawers without stuff falling on me. However I do have too many shoes that I don’t wear and paper/mail accumulates on my kitchen counter and my office has those piles that have been there and been there, etc. I clean it and organize it and somehow it just keeps coming back.
I have purchased and almost read a couple of books on the problem and one of my favorites is Let Go of Clutter by Harriet Schechter. (Part of me wishes she would come to my house and part of me hyperventilates at the thought of it) What I liked about this book is that she discusses the different reasons why some of us have a difficult time with clutter. Then she clarifies the confusion around different activities one does to get rid of the clutter which is very enlightening. They are:
1. Cleaning: she defines this as the vacuum, mop, dust sort of thing we all do. I’m not spectacular at this but definitely OK here.
2. Neatening: She says this is what we do when someone is coming over. I’m really good at this.
3. Organizing: I don’t know what happened here, my Mom is organized, my daughter is organized, I….am not. I am better than I used to be but honestly I am not what most people would call organized.(I just heard my daughter guffawing as I wrote that and she isn’t even here) She says this is when you spend enormous amounts of time trying to find something you put away when you were neatening. This is so true.
4. Decluttering: She says, and I quote, “Discarding, removing, or markedly reducing any accumulation of material objects.” Yup, this is definitely my problem.
At least I am comforted by the fact that the reason I am bad at organizing and de-cluttering, in part, is because I am so good at cleaning and neatening. Why should we care?
When your environment is cluttered, you mind is cluttered.
As my daughter says, “the less clutter you have in your home, the clearer you are when you walk out the door.” I can attest to the fact that walking into a cluttered home makes me feel tired, uninspired and slightly inadequate. Your home should be your sanctuary regardless of how grand or humble it is. For me, it is the realization that although I was aware of my problem, I used to be a card carrying workaholic so I really wasn’t home very much. Now I work from home. Quite simply, I do remember that feeling of walking into a clean orderly house after a long stressful day. The difference is night and day.
Order
With that said I am committing to finding a way to become de-cluttered which will consequently make me happier, clearer and even better at cleaning and neatening because there won’t be so much to do. Now since I have had these two books for years and have not finished my favorite nor even started the other, I have decided to start with my review of the book, advice from my daughter and the knowledge that I need to keep this mentally and physically as simple as possible. So here’s my plan:
1. I plan to set myself up for success with SMALL achievable tasks. I will do one small project at a time and keep it as simple as possible so I don’t get overwhelmed, which will build my confidence. This will also make for less choices and decisions in a given day and increase the likelihood of my repeating the process tomorrow. Today I started with the shoes exploding out of my closet. I have two closets so I started with only one of them. I was shocked at how many shoes that I found I had not worn, will not wear and really didn’t even know were in my closet.
2. For each of my de-cluttering tasks I will use a cardboard box instead of a trash bag. A good suggestion from my daughter as it is tidier, stackable and it seems to help inspire a “de-clutter-er euphoria “at the site of actual space on the floor without the contradictory site of an overflowing garbage bag.
3. If the job is bigger than I thought I will stop immediately when I begin to feel anxious or overwhelmed.
4. When I am finished I will immediately put the box out of site. I put my box in the garage in a spot I have designated for donation pickup. This prevents the urge to pilfer items back out of the box or second guess any of my decisions. As luck would have it, a donation truck is scheduled to come next week!
5. Knowing that the clothes part of the closet would require more soul searching decisions, I placed a hamper in the new found floor space of my closet. My plan is to put clothes I do not want any longer in it as I discover them while dressing.
6. Lastly, the book recommends that I don’t beat myself up for past failures. So today I am focusing on patting myself on the back for what I did “right” today and resisting the urge to suddenly notice all the other areas I need to attack.
Isn’t it interesting how #6 is also excellent advice for beating procrastination, creating positive self talk, raising our self esteem and achieving any goal we have set for ourselves?
It’s only been one day but I must say I feel pretty good about it and the prospect of conquering the returning clutter. This concept of keeping the steps simple and the job small makes me more hopeful than past attempts when I contemplated the entire house! Perhaps this will work for you.
v Do you have any comments or suggestions on organization? Share your thoughts and comments and if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
A Word about Spontaneity
If you read my last blog you know that I am in the midst of my Personal Midlife Summer Camp Adventure and I hope by now you are in the process of your own. I have been having such a good time. I know that even though this is a camp that you grow at your own pace yesterday I almost lost an important part of the experience. Spontaneity. Here’s what happened…
As I work from home and on the computer, aside from my morning lizard and bird hunt with my German Shorthair Pointer, (also known as a walk) I really haven’t taken the opportunity to implement exercise on a regular basis into my routine. So part of my “camp agenda” is to experience some of the enormous variety of exercise disciplines available. Last week I took a spinning class, (ouch) and a yoga class. (Really liked this). This week I have planned to take a kick boxing class which I am looking forward to. In order to make the time available I had planned an extra long day at the computer. I had made some very good progress on my list when my daughter called to report on my granddaughter who has been under the weather, which has forced them both to be confined for a number of days.
I could hear the frustration and boredom from them both so I suggested that we go out and get a few new toys or activities for my granddaughter. I had felt that we could probably accomplish this in a matter of an hour or so and then I could continue with my work and still be pretty much on schedule. On the way out of the toy store were two rides for kids that I treated my granddaughter to. When they were over and as I carried her to the car she continued to point back at the store and in that sweet, soft, innocent little voice that melts your heart she said, with a confused look on her face, “ride, ride?” The toy store is about a block from a pizza place we used to frequent that includes rides and games for kids and as I looked at my daughter we both said at the same time,” maybe we should go to the pizza place for a while?”
As we walked into the restaurant with my granddaughter’s little 2 year old face lit up and tiny hands clapping my daughter squeezed my arm and said, “it feels sooo good to be out of the house”. From there we proceeded to melt into an almost magical afternoon of communing, eating and playing and time no longer had any value or reality. I spent one of the most enjoyable afternoons I have had in a while and although it was not planned or elaborate, I know it will be one of those memorable moments for me to keep that warms the soul.
The Encarta Dictionary definitions for spon.ta.ne.i.ty (noun)
1. Unconstrained behavior – behavior that is natural and unconstrained and is the result of impulse, not planning
2. Generation from within – the generating or provoking of activity from within, rather than as a result of external influences
Don’t forget to be open to spontaneous behavior. It is a very big part of that fountain of youth and finding that zest for living.
v Share your thoughts and comments and if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
Midlife Summer Camp!
Do you remember when you were little and every summer you went to camp? Do you remember the first time you went to camp? It was a rite of passage and it signaled that you were “old enough” and it “was time”. You likely had never been away from your mother and home and even as you were excited about going, there was a big part of you that was afraid. You didn’t know exactly what it was that you were afraid of but it was something, and it was big.
I remember the excitement of what became the ritual drive up to the camp with the entire family. The settling in with my parents at my side, the meet and greet, the tour, the preview of the planned activities, lunch, and then the goodbye. That’s when the realization sunk in that although all this was supposed to be, going to be and probably might be fun…I was being LEFT. There were a few tears and a fair amount of drama at the parting and somewhere in the week of nights there was always someone in need of the counselor for what was termed “a case of homesick”. I also remember after that first camp looking forward to the next year.
It has been quite some time since I have had any first hand or current experience with the camp thing but as I talk to mothers who have they tell me it’s all specialized now. There’s space camp, science camp, gym camp, volley ball camp, you name it camp. It seems that when kids go to camp these days it is to further explore an interest. But in my day you were treated to a variety of projects and activities that you likely had never been exposed to before; canoeing, bird watching, leaf collection, the art project and the end of camp talent show you prepared for with your new friend. It was a variety of novel, stimulating and interesting activities. Do you remember?
When it was over, although you were glad to see your family, there was a part of you that hated it to end. But when it did you were surer of yourself for having survived and you felt as if you had discovered a new curiosity for the world and what it had to offer. After that first camp you somehow sensed, in a big girl way, that you would be forever different.
I think the two biggest things that can make a woman old, uninteresting and out of touch with her inner self is the lack of a sense of adventure and curiosity. I’m not saying you don’t have things in your life you enjoy. Maybe you play golf, which you love, every weekend, jog or prepare for the annual walkathon or marathon. You eat at the same places and see your same friends. You love them but somewhere along the line you notice there is nothing new in your life and it feels routine.
When did you quit trying new things to see if there is more and if it might interest you? When did you stop growing and stretching and start to simply grow old?
There are wonderful camps, or I guess I should say adventures, excursions or trips for grownups such as the outward bound experiences where you push your limits and overcome fears with the support of fellow females, ( on my bucket list) and of course the spa and relaxation thing. There are also a number of camps that specialize in the interest of your choice, i.e. rock climbing, biking, etc. You may or may not have the funds and time for a week or so off to take advantage of these but why not indulge in something even better and far more lasting.
Remember Summer Camp?
CREATE YOUR PERSONAL SUMMER CAMP ADVENTURE
The weather is beautiful and it’s the perfect time for exploring, stretching and growing. This camp isn’t structured and you grow it at your own pace. There is no pressure involved and once you begin it takes on a life of its own. When you go to this camp you will discover that you can tweak your curiosity, creativity and sense of adventure muscles without the need to leave town. The results of your efforts will leave you feeling inspired, younger, alive and hopeful; imaginative, vibrant, interested and interesting.
It’s very simple to do and here’s how it goes:
1. Pick up your city parks and recreation brochure. They usually offer a good variety of adult activities and they are generally pretty affordable. If you have an idea of what you’re interested in trying, of course the internet is priceless!
2. Start by taking ONE activity or class that genuinely intrigues you and hopefully something you can pay for by the class. (no commitment) If you like it you can continue but it still leaves the opportunity to explore other avenues.
3. From there broaden your horizons and experiment to your heart’s content. It is important to go into the “Personal Summer Camp Adventure” with your mind and attitude in the spirit of trying as many new things as possible and hanging on to the new things you discover you love.
Think of it as the perpetual life camp adventure whose purpose is to remind you to stay in touch with your inner child and curiosity in your everyday life. Hopefully you will look up one day and find that you are not just living on the surface of things; that somewhere in your adventures you have found the knack for living in the moment, simply for the moment. Maybe you will learn not to take yourself and life’s traumas so seriously. Maybe you will manage to recapture some of the pure joy and authenticity of the child you once knew who danced in the woods pretending to be a butterfly or a fairy without the fear of anyone’s judgment.
Try this, not because it is good for your business, resume, children, mate or anyone but because it is good for you. Maybe, while finding the treasure that is the zest for life and living, you will find you have become the treasure!
I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
Diane Ackerman (1948-present) quoted in Newsweek, September 22, 1986
v Sound like fun? Share your thoughts and what you are exploring for your midlife summer camp.
Procrastination, a Disease or a Habit?
Procrastination, A Disease or a Habit?
Whichever it is, it can have very negative effects on the quality of our lives. It is responsible for:
· Deterring our progress for any goal we are trying to achieve
· Creating stress in our lives
· Making you feel incompetent and guilty which are big red flags for self esteem
· Producing negative self talk, (which can cause some pretty nasty welts on your wrist if you’re using a rubber band to help retrain negative self talk, or wear out your pretty stretch bracelet prematurely. Yikes!)
Isn’t it curious how closely related low self esteem, negative self talk, and procrastination are?
This procrastination thing has a tendency to feed on itself and grow into quite a large monster if you’re not careful. When you avoid doing one task, there are usually a couple more related items you also put on the back burner because you need to complete task one first.
Every duty which is bidden to wait returns with seven fresh duties at its back. ~Charles Kingsley
Now you’re feeling overwhelmed, and it’s likely that you are, as you realize there isn’t enough time in each day to accomplish all that’s on your plate because you avoided that task you hate. No problem, I’ll just put in extra hours until it’s done and promise myself I won’t let this happen again. We won’t talk about the regular mundane tasks your letting go while you slay the monsters.
Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. ~William James
Now you’re mentally and physically exhausted which leads you to feel stressed, like a failure and you begin to question your decisions and ability. Instead of feeling better when the original task is completed you find you’re staring at three or four more monsters that have grown to adulthood and are on the attack.
There are a number of excellent resources full of strategies for getting through the process and getting things done and most work pretty well. Here are a few I have tried and found to be very helpful:
· Prioritize your goals.
· Set realistic goals.
· Break overwhelming tasks into a series of small steps.
· Make sure to do something on your big goals everyday. (even if it is small)
· Go ahead and start a task even though you don’t have time to finish it that day.
· Plan and write everything you want to accomplish each day and cross off items as you complete them.(Builds confidence)
· If there are items you don’t get to, place on the next day’s agenda.
· Have an idea, in writing, of what you would like to accomplish for the week.
· Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t complete everything you planned.
· Reward yourself in some way for your accomplishments.
· Don’t over commit yourself. (This will set you up for failure!)
· Get the clutter out of your space!
These are but a few of the multitude of options available on how to cope with procrastination. All of them are good and like child rearing, dog training, diet and exercise, whatever you decide to do, if you are tenacious and consistent, it works. But for me, this seems to have the effect of treating the symptom while not knowing what the disease is.
The best success I have had is trying to understand where my fear and reluctance for a task or goal comes from. Most of the things I procrastinate about are things I fear or believe I am not good at. Of course we can’t be good at everything and we don’t love everything we do. But if we are willing to undergo high levels of stress and the consequent difficulties of avoiding something we need or want to do, there has to be a reason or a belief that is at the root of this avoidance.
Here is a good personal example. When I was VERY young, like most of us, I held a number of positions while trying to find my wings. My father was an incredibly gifted salesperson and could, as they say, sell ice to Eskimos. My brother was also gifted in the field so it was only natural, especially since I was fired from my first secretarial position in a matter of two months that I would gravitate to the field as well. Long story short, I was hired to sell specialty advertising, taken to a specialty advertising convention and show, given a huge number of lines to sell, told I was a natural, gifted and sure to be their best salesperson. I was pumped. On the very first day I walked into a clothing store that my mother and I had often shopped in thinking it would be a safe first attempt. I didn’t get two steps into the front door with my catalogue when the sales person saw me and said in a loud voice for the whole store to hear, “Oh no, no. Get out, out, out.” She literally chased me out of the store. I cannot begin to tell you how devastated, embarrassed and humiliated I was. I ran to my father’s office in tears to tell him my story. He assured me that it was not the end of my career, I shouldn’t and couldn’t wear my feelings on my sleeve and that I would be fine. Although I found success in the field of sales, I made sure whatever I sold did not require cold calling!
The example above is obvious but sometimes there are more subtle things in our past that are at the root of our reluctance to tackle a goal or task. Perhaps it was a remark a boyfriend, relative, boss, teacher or family member once said. Maybe it was something you read or heard and it stuck with you. You repeated it to yourself over and over and created a pathway in your brain as we discussed in the article on self talk. If you find yourself repeatedly and consistently procrastinating on a goal or task it is very useful to spend some time and ask yourself:
1. Is there something about this task that I think I can’t do or might fail at?
2. Where is this thought, belief or feeling coming from?
3. What proof do I have that this is true?
4. Have I made a sincere effort to accomplish or improve my skills for the task?
5. Is this something I really need or want to do?
6. Is this something I simply don’t like, need or want to do and I can delegate to someone else?
Spending some time to discover what the disease really is can make the cure far more efficient and effective. Procrastination is a drain on our self esteem and the quality of our life. The next time you find yourself unable to promptly begin a project try asking yourself these questions and see if you discover a long excepted myth in your life that is holding you back!
v What do you do to avoid procrastination? Share your thoughts and comments and if you enjoyed this article don’t forget to book mark it on del.icio.us. Your support is appreciated!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
Outside resource:
· Book: Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway
· Book: Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain
Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
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