When Mother Gets Sick…
Part 2
Wow! What an overwhelming response. Remember when I said if you ask most people to comment on this subject they are brief and somewhat dismissive? Well… try asking someone to write about it! I received a number of responses in my email. All said that once they got started writing they had more to say than they thought. Additionally a number commented that it felt good to put their thoughts into words. (Hmmm, note to those of you who are resistant to journaling!!)
Thank you to all of you who were kind enough to share your personal and heartwarming stories. Now I would like to share a couple of them with you:
The first of two…
Five years ago I turned my father’s care over to a nursing facility. It was overwhelmingly emotional for me to take my dad to a nursing home and leave him in the care of people I didn’t know.
I tried to be the good daughter and to do the responsible thing…I wanted to avoid the decision that would be best for both of us. So, I cleaned his home, made sure he ate three squares a day and gave him his medications at the times prescribed. This kept me running between my home and his four times a day! Then the phone calls increased not only from him, but also from neighbors who were concerned for his welfare. He was taking walks and getting lost, he could no longer recognize his home and was having falls…it was becoming more and more obvious Dad was going to need more help than I could provide.
The role of father and daughter seemed to change almost over-night. Of course, I wanted to be there for Dad; after all…he was there for me as a child so I made it my loving obligation to care for Dad. Being a wife, mother and working in the medical field for over 20 years made me feel more like it was my responsibility to be “his” caregiver. It is my belief that women are naturals at nurturing and they put it upon their own shoulders to give of themselves to the point of exhaustion before they realize they are not being fair to themselves or to those who they are caring for…until someone finally tells them they have burnt the candle from both ends.
Dad knew he was physically and mentally declining. He was scared and verbalized that to me; he didn’t know what was happening to him. All I could do was reassure him that I would be there for him. He was afraid of being dumped off at a nursing home and forgotten; he had seen that happen to some of his friends. The emotional insecurity he was feeling was like that of a child afraid of going off to boarding school. No matter what our age we are all children and need a hand to hold!
Now five years later, the nursing home staff is his family, too. When I see their caring touch and how they respond to him; I know he is really comfortable in his home. Dad isn’t so much in our world anymore…he has cocooned into his own world. It’s no longer a world of recognizing me as the little girl who sat on his knee, or remembering family holidays and being able to give me advice when I needed it. Now it is an unspoken world of blank stares and babbling uncomprehending words. Yes, I am still the little girl on his knee and I remember the family holidays. Now, I use the advice that he taught me to take care of his finances.
Oh, I am also there to care for his emotional needs, as I steal a kiss from him before I leave him after my visits…sometimes he responds in kind and I see a twinkle in his eyes!
About the author: Christine Sherriff is a Massage Therapist who works primarily with a powerful technique called Healing Touch. Healing Touch is the physical transfer of human life energy which redirects the body’s energy fields. As a result it restores harmony and helps to promote emotional and physical wellbeing within the body. Christine is a great advocate in promoting how important the power of touch is for our aging population; since it creates a greater sense of emotional security. Remember to hug someone every day! (4/26/09)
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Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
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