Finding Your Self Esteem…
What you believe about yourself is what you are. What you believe about yourself is what others believe you are. What you believe about yourself affects everything you do and everyone you touch. How you really feel about yourself is the key to your happiness and success.
Last week I offered some brief assessment questions that highlight the feelings of someone with low self esteem. We have all taken dozens of these little assessments sitting in waiting rooms perusing through a magazine to kill some time. We check off one or two of the statements and conclude “Hmmm… two out of ten, that’s not bad, I am in as good a shape as most” and our name is called and we’re off to continue to run through our daily schedule of too many things to do. If we are attempting to make ourselves the subject of honest and intense observation of what we privately and beneath the surface think of ourselves we need to go beyond the simple little assessment questions. We need to get back in touch with ourselves and remember how to hear our thoughts and feel our feelings.
The idea of this journey is not to be better or more perfect. Whose yardstick would we use anyway? The idea is to discover and acknowledge who we are, what we think, like and don’t like, what we used to like but don’t anymore, what we would like to do again and what we don’t, what we wanted to further explore and didn’t get a chance to do and to ultimately discover that who we are is not something to hide or show in parts or to be used later when we don’t need to conform.
Or maybe that is the problem… the yardstick. I used to have a relationship years ago and we would often have long discussions on one subject or another. On the occasions when it would become clear that we were not going to agree he would say “you are really opinionated.” I would say “why is it that when you have a strong opinion it is your opinion and when I have a strong opinion I’m opinionated?” and we would laugh and know it was time to move on to another subject. As I moved through my introspection I began to wonder when it was that I let go of the assertion that my opinion was valuable and began to succumb to “the yardstick”. When did I begin to look outside myself for approval? As we were moving through our lives we were and are defined by our titles and jobs, the size and location of where we live and the kind of car we drive. We are bombarded with a never ending images and stereotypes of what we’re supposed to look like, eat, drink, and where we should go if we’re “cool.” It never stops. But when in all of this did we let go of ourselves and the ability to acknowledge that what is right for someone else is OK but what is right for us, our opinion and beliefs, is just as Ok even if it is different? You know… that every snowflake is different and beautiful but all of it is snow. When did we begin to become uneasy about revealing what was in our hearts and what we felt passionate about at the time and began to operate from guilt and obligation? When did we give the power of who we are to others?
The more we base our decisions on pleasing others, the further away we fall from the habit of listening and accepting ourselves for who we are. The longer we have done this the less likely we are to trust ourselves and feelings. The more we distrust our feelings, the more we look outside ourselves for validation and assurance. The more we look outside ourselves for assurance the less competent we feel and the less and less we like ourselves. A vicious cycle ensues. How do you stop it or change it after so many years of role playing, comparing and measuring?
The good news is we can choose to be self confident, happy, successful and full of joy. Every day you wake up you start over. Yesterday is behind you, it’s done. You can’t do it over. In fact, to take this further, every minute or second or hour is new and every second you can choose to think and act in a healthier more positive manner. Sounds so simple doesn’t it? But it is true. Every second of your waking hours your mind is thinking something.
If you battle to stay what you are not, you will lose who you are…your strength and your power. You are unique, there is no one like you and each of us has very special gifts and talents.
If you take the time and effort to stop comparing and only pleasing others and begin to please yourself, to listen to yourself, to spend time with and value yourself you will find your center and the self confidence that has been lurking beneath the surface all along. This is self acceptance and it brings peace and joy to the life. When you love yourself you are lovable.
So now it is time for the fun part, that getting to know this person. Enter your name and primary email on the right and get helpful tools to assist you in “Preparing for the Journey to Self.” It’s FREE and, by the way, your information will never be shared with anyone, ever. I promise.
v Do you have a yardstick story from the past or present? Share your thoughts and comments on the need to compare and please others in the comments section. We’d love to hear!
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
Outside resources
- Book: Abraham Speaks, A New Beginning II
- Book: The Toa of Inner Peace
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Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
480-656-2026
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
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