About Your Emotional Bank Account
What did you do for yourself this past week?
Most of us live under constant tension and don’t even notice it. We have done it so long it has become normal to us. We don’t realize how we spend our time and are usually shocked to see how little time we allow for ourselves. The message in society is work harder, more hours and we will be successful. Good successful women do it all. We are the last thing we take care of. Most of you will say that you take two days off every week, but by the time you catch up on neglected chores on one of those days and squeeze one fun activity in for the other day it is time to jump right back onto the treadmill. Funny thing is, the more we overextend and neglect ourselves, the less effective and creative we are at what we are trying to do. The less effective we are, the less important we feel. The less important we feel, the more we begin to doubt and dislike ourselves. It’s more of that cycle thing. We pack so many things into our days and lives that Wonder Woman couldn’t accomplish them. At the end of most days we feel like we have been chased by a pack of wolves and just barely escaped being eaten. Sadly, we feel rewarded for the herculean effort but secretly ineffective for not doing better.
Denying ourselves of spiritual, emotional and physical replenishment is not a badge of honor.
We are so busy trying to take care of all the things we have taken on; we have neglected the most important thing, OUR NEEDS. Then we wonder why we feel empty or that something is missing. Often times we don’t even know what we want and if we do we are afraid to try it for fear we will fail.
When we over-commit we deprive ourselves of the time, energy and desire to even think about what we really want and need.
The subject of BALANCE is of great importance and a key ingredient to discovering and loving yourself. I would say all, with a very few exceptions, of the women I see battle the Wonder Woman syndrome. In most cases we spend large amounts of time doing things because we should do them and not because we choose to. I am not talking about the process of time management to enable us to do more in less time. I am talking about the absolute need to value ourselves and to have limits. We need to be sure to schedule time for the things that are important to us but time spent with and for ourselves needs and deserves a high priority in that balance.
Here is a fun and enlightening exercise that highlights how we are actually allotting our time to the things we care about. I call it:
PENNIES FOR YOUR TIME
This exercise will highlight what your current priorities are for the things you most care about and will show you which areas in your life are in need of attention.
YOUR EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT
1. Make a list of the things you care the most about in your life. I have provided an example below but feel free to eliminate or rename any of these categories as they apply to you and your life. Keep it to no more than eight categories and DON’T ELIMINATE THE “TIME SPENT WITH AND FOR SELF” category.
1. Work – Include housework and job in this category.
2. Family – Include children, grandchildren and parents in this category. Phone calls and cards/letters count if they do not live in your city.
3. Friends - Girlfriends and anyone you consider a friend that is not your mate.
4. Passions – hobbies, sports, golf, bridge whatever you consider a genuine interest.
5. Physical well being – Exercise, stretching, gym, jogging, dieting or anything related to maintaining your personal health.
6. Time spent with and for Self – Meditation, journaling, relaxing alone with music/book, gardening, soaking in a tub and anything you do alone with and for yourself.
7. Community – Volunteering or kind gestures we spoke of earlier for friends or strangers.
8. Partner – Things you do for and with your partner including cooking, cleaning, shopping, caring for and dating.
2. Now take Eight cups and label them with the categories you have thought about and chosen. Place these cups on a table or dresser where you can see them daily and in order of their importance to you. Leave them there for two weeks to a month. (I recommend a month)
3. Get a few of rolls of pennies,( or your piggy bank) and cut up some small squares of paper to be used for IOU’s and place them next to the cups on your designated space.
4. Each night before you retire place one penny in each of the cups that you spent time on that day. If you intended or wanted to spend time on one of the categories and didn’t, place an IOU paper in that cup.
5. At the end of the month, or the amount of time you allotted to this exercise, take out the pennies and stack them in front of each cup. If you have IOU’s in any of the cups remove one penny for each of the IOU’s from that cup. If there are NO pennies in the cup, (Yikes) stack the IOU’s in front of that cup.
Now you should be able to clearly see which categories are in need of your attention. The stacks of pennies should be reasonably even. If any of the categories are out of balance take out a sheet of paper and make a list of duties you have in that category. Define ways to reduce the time you spend in that category by deciding:
1. Which duties are an overextension, not essential or not a priority in your life and can be eliminated. Remember, when you are continually over committed you are more likely to become sick, grouchy, mentally and physically exhausted and depressed.
2. Which duties do you need and want in your life but can be delegated. This will free you up to be more effective at what you do, allow more time for the things you love to do and leaves room for growth and discovery of new things you may want to do!
3. Here is a concept, try under committing your time to allow for the unexpected emergencies that continually pop up.
4. Learn to say NO. Before you commit to another activity stop and take the time to weigh the decision. Spend 10 – 15 minutes or even a day to consider if it is a long or short term commitment, how important it is to you, what you are going to have to sacrifice in order to do it and what it will do to your level of stress. You can’t add hours to your day no matter what you do. Remember, you can’t be fully present and enjoy any activity if you’re feeling you should be somewhere else while you’re doing it.
5. Now for the cups that need more attention. Make a list of daily/weekly activities, even if they are small, that you will do to better balance your account to your satisfaction.
Our lives and goals are always changing and balance is an ongoing effort. You should repeat this exercise periodically when you notice you are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
v What do you do to replenish your emotional bank account? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section below!! We’d love to hear…..
v By the way, to receive your free Life Journey Tools, simply click the “register for a site account” button on the right, enter your name and email and you will have access to all downloads! (I value your privacy as I do my own, your information will never be shared.)
Outside resources:
§ Book: Abraham Speaks, A New Beginning II
§ Book: Awakening at Midlife
Comments
Leave a Reply
Deborah Hayes, CTA Life Coach
Empowering women to live a life of consequence, a life without regrets that is your own unique version of the life you love. About Deborah
deborah@womenintransitiononline.com
Find me on facebook
